stace79 Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I was in a LDR. Moved 8 hours from family/friends for new job and to be nearer to my ex. Things didn't work out within 3 months of move, and we broke up. He tried to get me back for about 1.5-2 months. I wasn't interested. I have made "work friends" - people I have lunch with and talk to at work. But I haven't developed friendships outside of work. It's rough. I work a lot, but then weekends feel lonely & depressed b/c I don't have much of a social life. And it's not for lack of trying. While with ex, I met his coworker. My ex never got along with this guy, but I think my ex overreacted to him. (My ex just doesn't get along with guys well...too competitive or something.) Coworker found me via social networking and offered to meet up for coffee. To be clear I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever. He is 7 years younger, not my type. etc. I just wanted a fun friend. He also has many friends here, which could open up a new circle of friends for me. My ex found out (again via social networks...damn Facebook & Twitter) and called AND emailed to read me the riot act about befriending this coworker whom he hates. Finally, my ex called the coworker, and I have no idea what was said but now the coworker will not talk to me anymore. Obviously I can't force it, but was I wrong to try to be friends with the coworker? Was my ex right in talking to him and making him not speak to me anymore? I'm furious about it, but trying to realize I can't change it and just let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
GottaGetAway Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 That's ridiculous. First off, delete your ex from your social networking profiles. Immediately. He is not the kind of person you want to have in your life - that was made obvious by his move to ruin a friendship for you before it even began. Perhaps you can contact this male potential friend and talk to him. This depends on how comfortable you are, of course. But chances are your ex told him some nasty lies, and it may be better to set it straight before they spread. Why don't you try online dating sites to meet some friends in your area? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stace79 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 That's ridiculous. First off, delete your ex from your social networking profiles. Immediately. He is not the kind of person you want to have in your life - that was made obvious by his move to ruin a friendship for you before it even began. Perhaps you can contact this male potential friend and talk to him. This depends on how comfortable you are, of course. But chances are your ex told him some nasty lies, and it may be better to set it straight before they spread. Why don't you try online dating sites to meet some friends in your area? He isn't on my facebook or anything. But I don't know how to make my tweets private to just him - I use them for work so can't make my whole account private. He saw my conversations with the coworker. We don't talk anymore, especially after this. I tried to text & tweet the coworker, but he won't respond at all. So whatever my ex said, it worked. I was on a dating site for awhile, and there are a couple guys who want to meet. I always feel pressured though as it's a DATING site, not a FRIENDS site. And, if things don't work out romantically, my experience is the guys just disappear and aren't interested in staying friends. Link to post Share on other sites
GottaGetAway Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I've used dating sites (specifically PoF) to meet new people I may get along with as friends. Why are you only messaging guys if you're looking for a friend? Just change your "looking for" to "hang out" or "friends" (whatever the options are that reflect that intent) and start messaging some people you think you'd get along with. I'd probably start looking for some female friends, as guys will likely assume you're looking to date regardless of your stated status. Who knows - you may meet someone you click with and then meet their friends, etc. But being lonely all the time is not good for your mental health. If you want to get into another romantic relationship I think it's vital to make yourself happy first. That means getting some kind of a support system going. I was "socially estranged" for a while and once I got out of that found I was so much happier and better able to get into the dating scene. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stace79 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Share Posted March 18, 2011 Thanks...I had forgotten about PoF. I used a paid dating site, and typically those people are seriously wanting a relationship. I'll try that out. I am not closed-minded to dating someone, but I agree I need to develop my own social circle. I don't want my whole life to be work and a boyfriend. So thanks for that advice, and also was just really wondering if I'd done something wrong by agreeing to meet my ex's coworker for coffee. I didn't think it was bad, but my ex really handed it to me over it. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
GottaGetAway Posted March 18, 2011 Share Posted March 18, 2011 I don't believe you laid a finger out of line by arranging to hang out with your EX's coworker. You have no obligation or responsibility to the ex - he may as well not exist in your life. Just keep that in mind anytime you question something with him in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted March 20, 2011 Share Posted March 20, 2011 While I am not appose to dating your exes coworker, him doing something about it should have been on your radar. Spurned exes can do all kinds of things, and it should be on your mind, as well as anyone else who wishes to pursue this kind path. Link to post Share on other sites
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