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When will I be ready to date?

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Old 14th March 2011, 12:12 PM   #1
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When will I be ready to date?

Just feeling a bit impatient today. Its been a little over 5 weeks since the breakup. I haven't seen him since then and we've had 2 phone convos (last one being on Friday). I am in NC right now because I'm thinking that this last phone convo I had with him kinda set me back.

I just want to be over him right now. I feel like one of those patients in "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind". My rational mind knows that we will never be together again. That its over. We are not good for one another. And yet why am I still hurting? This SUCKS!!!

When people when? I am trying my best to move on but there are some things in the way. 1) I'm unemployed. Yes we broke up a week after I got fired from my job. Yes he's a selfish bastard.
2) Most of my friends are married or have families
3) I have tried dating... it only makes me miss him more. I am so not ready for dating yet.

OK here is what I'm doing today for myself.
1) going to see a dr. about this horrible cough
2) I will go for a run as soon as I'm done with this post
3) I will go to my aunts bday dinner tonite and I will sit and talk to people. Who cares if they are 30 years older than me! lol
4) I will remember to take my supplements
5) I will be good to myself and stop calling myself a loser or telling myself that "i suck" or that "i'm a mess"

Thank you for anyone who sat through this vent! XOXO
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Old 14th March 2011, 12:36 PM   #2
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Keep on keeping on!
Guide to life after going NC
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Old 14th March 2011, 1:28 PM   #3
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This sounds kind of weird but you will know when you are ready to date because you will not think about your ex so much you will think more about the future and the people you will meet.

Also the thought of being intimate with someone else won't really turn you off (unless they are super ugly lol).

I say this from some experience because there are some people that I would kind of like to date but would have to have some alcohol to want to kiss them or mess around with them :P

I am going through a divorce btw with no hope of reconciliation and no contact with stbxH.

Not seeing or contacting the other person makes you heal a lot faster.
No pity for a coward
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Old 14th March 2011, 3:50 PM   #4
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This might sound like stating the obvious, but I think you will be totally ready when you really see your ex and the finished relationship with a critical eye. You have to probably be in a place where you are 100% sure you would not want to take him back.

I don't know about you, but being really honest with myself, I'm probably only at about 70% sure. This means that I would contemplate a date with someone new but in a guarded way.

I do have moments of epiphany, when I'm sure I'd never take my ex back, but I'm not so sure in my weaker moments. Time should help and yes, no contact helps too.
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Old 15th March 2011, 3:09 AM   #5
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I think we all ask ourselves this question! It has been 8 months since my ex and I broke up, and I still struggle and go through the same thing of wanting to be over him but not feeling it.

I think you'll know when you're ready- I've tried dating a few people and just felt nothing. When there should have been excitement and rush, I felt like I was going through the motions. I stopped seeing these people as soon as I realized it wasn't fair- they were getting more and more interested in me and I was still comparing them to my ex and feeling less than satisfied.

Right now I'm just focusing on myself- working through my personal goals, focusing on my professional life, and trying to give myself time to be me. I'm setting a goal for the summer to try to have some fun and maybe date around a bit, but I'll play it by ear.

Listen to yourself- put yourself out there every once in a while, and when the time is right, you'll know. When something is right, you don't have to ask yourself if it is!!!
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Old 17th March 2011, 12:03 AM   #6
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Thanks Fleur... your advice makes alot of sense
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