dextm Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 talk to her. Jan 26, 2011 - Over IM, she asked for a break, I asked "Why don't we just break up?"...we ended up breaking up. Great, I gave her the ****ing easy way out. It means she was gonna dump me sooner or later anyways, just didn't have the balls to do so without a "better" reason I suppose. -became friends, semi-NC- Feb 14, 2011- Talked to her for full closure, gave her a present, proceeded to full NC after we were done. No real contact since then. Only for work-related purposes as we are co-workers. I blocked her on MSN, and I think she figured it out after a few days, so she blocked/deleted me as well. Why have someone on your list, online all the time, if you're not going to talk to them, or they're not going to talk to you right? She did send me two texts though. Feb 22, 2011 - "Hope you are enjoying your first day off" Feb 26, 2011 (tonight) - "I don't know if it's safe for you to go to Chile. I hope you'll be okay. Just don't go somewhere unsafe just to get away from me." I'm guessing she found out I was going to Chile probably from a coworker or a mutual friend we have. I noticed she's been giving me dirty looks recently, turning away, pretending I'm not there...similar to what I'm doing (minus the dirty looks), probably because I'm talking to her female coworkers and giving them a tad more attention than I usually do, but what's wrong with that? I'm a likable person and I'm cool with everyone.... I just want to talk to her....I even want to ASK her to come on vaca with me. Bad f'in idea I know.....When I'm alone at home, nothing to do, I just think about her, think about US. I try to distract myself with whatever I can but sometimes it just doesn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted February 27, 2011 Author Share Posted February 27, 2011 bump. what do ou guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted February 27, 2011 Share Posted February 27, 2011 Don't even think about asking her to go on vaca with you...that has regret written all over it man. You notice how when you pulled away for 2 weeks NC she started texting you? How'd that make you feel? Stick to NC. And as any other member here would tell you, those two texts are bread crumbs...don't bite. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 We've been ignoring/avoiding each other in general when we talk to our mutual coworkers/friends and sometimes she gives me dirty looks or sad faces (like a "what the hell are you talking to that bitch for?" kinda look). Today, at the end of the day, fate somehow put us together in the same elevator and in the same subway train together...I DID NOT INITIATE ANYTHING. I said the generic hi, bye, how are you doing and she goes on and on about work and her life. I pretended like I cared but all I wanted to do was fall asleep (it's the only time of the day I can catch a nap). She asked me questions about work, just things in general, NOTHING RELATIONSHIP/BREAKUP RELATED, I answered, and that was that. She asked me about my planned vaca to Chile, I answered briefly, took a 15 min nap, said bye, and that was that. Did I screw up by staying in the same subway train and talking to her, even though I initiated NONE of it? Should I have just blown her off or told her to GTFO? I still love this girl, but I'm not gonna do anything unless she gets down on her knees and begs me to come back (even tho she dumped me) or it's a life/death situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 You worry too much... either she loves you or not, and even if she does she might not come back to you, in fact you should live according to this: she's not coming back... nothing you think of or do or post here will change the way she feels about you... So, your best bet is going NC, whatever you intend to do... but you should do it because of yourself... Don't take her weaks attempts at contacting you as something unique or romantic... it's just her way to know if you are still under her influence and until she doesn't suggest you to take her back don't bother with her, don't be rude but give her the space she asked for when she broke up with you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 You worry too much... either she loves you or not, and even if she does she might not come back to you, in fact you should live according to this: she's not coming back... nothing you think of or do or post here will change the way she feels about you... So, your best bet is going NC, whatever you intend to do... but you should do it because of yourself... Don't take her weaks attempts at contacting you as something unique or romantic... it's just her way to know if you are still under her influence and until she doesn't suggest you to take her back don't bother with her, don't be rude but give her the space she asked for when she broke up with you... She didn't ask for space, she wants to be friends hahahaha. She still wants to be friends now, because she doesn't have a lot of friends. But I'm making her initiate EVERYTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 You worry too much... either she loves you or not, and even if she does she might not come back to you, in fact you should live according to this: she's not coming back... nothing you think of or do or post here will change the way she feels about you... So, your best bet is going NC, whatever you intend to do... but you should do it because of yourself... Don't take her weaks attempts at contacting you as something unique or romantic... it's just her way to know if you are still under her influence and until she doesn't suggest you to take her back don't bother with her, don't be rude but give her the space she asked for when she broke up with you... What should I do about future meets in the subway? Talk to her, or avoid her? I AM NOT INITIATING ANYTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebelle38 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 OK, we get it... you aren't initiating anything. She suggested a break and you were hurt. You said end it, it happened. You work with her, you are going to run into her. Be civil, say hi and bye etc but stop with the silly games. You've made your point you dont want her back. This game of one-upmanship is a bit juvenile really. Live your own life and stop reading into everything she says/does. Link to post Share on other sites
phenotype22 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 OK, we get it... you aren't initiating anything. She suggested a break and you were hurt. You said end it, it happened. You work with her, you are going to run into her. Be civil, say hi and bye etc but stop with the silly games. You've made your point you dont want her back. This game of one-upmanship is a bit juvenile really. Live your own life and stop reading into everything she says/does. Amen. I totally agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 We've been ignoring/avoiding each other in general when we talk to our mutual coworkers/friends and sometimes she gives me dirty looks or sad faces (like a "what the hell are you talking to that bitch for?" kinda look). Today, at the end of the day, fate somehow put us together in the same elevator and in the same subway train together...I DID NOT INITIATE ANYTHING. I said the generic hi, bye, how are you doing and she goes on and on about work and her life. I pretended like I cared but all I wanted to do was fall asleep (it's the only time of the day I can catch a nap). She asked me questions about work, just things in general, NOTHING RELATIONSHIP/BREAKUP RELATED, I answered, and that was that. She asked me about my planned vaca to Chile, I answered briefly, took a 15 min nap, said bye, and that was that. Did I screw up by staying in the same subway train and talking to her, even though I initiated NONE of it? Should I have just blown her off or told her to GTFO? I still love this girl, but I'm not gonna do anything unless she gets down on her knees and begs me to come back (even tho she dumped me) or it's a life/death situation. Nah, no reason to be rude. Just be civil. If you can avoid her, do that as much as possible. She wanted to break up and have you out of her life, be a gentleman and give her exactly what she wants. If she says that she wants to be friends, tell her you didn't get into a relationship with her to ultimately become, "Just friends". Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 It's been 3 weeks of NC (unless we bump into each other at work or have lunch with mutual friends) for me now. I still think of her day to day and there are trigger moments from time to time but I feel much better now. I've been spending a lot of time alone, doing things solo (have a solo trip to Spain in May for 8 days booked!), and while that's "depressing" at times, it's not much different than what I had felt before the previous relationship. I don't have much experience, but I can honestly and truly say that once you enter a relationship, and go thru the ups, and start depending on each other for emotional/physical needs, it's hard to revert back to being alone...it really is, especially when you don't have a lot of close friends and girls are hard to come by. But life is life and it is what it is, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) It's almost been a month of NC but we broke it today. Had a great time at lunch today with other co-workers, we talked a lot (part of the group), cracked ton of jokes, and made each other laugh a lot. It was reminiscent of old times. We ended up having dinner later tonight, and aside from the rainy weather (me holding the huge umbrella over her head "like a couple" LOL), it wasn't too awkward. Did we talk about the relationship/breakup? Very very briefly (and insignificantly I must add, I think), but it didn't seem to bother either of us. We were just there for the food and company. It was fun and alright. I think I might still have some bitterness/resentment towards her, but only very slightly. I might feel more the day she meets "that guy", but I think I've analyzed and learned enough this past month of NC to understand that IT'S OKAY. We love each other but it's not meant to be perhaps. This girl is almost 29 and I'm almost 25. I can't expect her to live life like me - laid back, fun, fast-paced, always going out, etc. And she can't expect me to live life like her - settle down, house, kids, marriage etc. I mean, I definitely want all of those things in the future....I'm just in no rush to want it all within 2-3 years. Not that we broke up over those reasons, far from it. Even if we had a perfect relationship, the TIMING may not be there! We mesh well for the most part, the love was there for the most part, just BAD timing! If only I was a couple years older, or she was a couple years younger, you know what I mean? Life sucks, but that's life. I can NC for the rest of my life (hard to because we work in same office), but what good is that going to do? She was my best friend for 6-8 months before we started dated, so the least I can do is retain her as a friend. I won't be giving her the attention/resources a best friend/very close friend deserves, but I think I can handle her on an acquaintance/friendly basis. Edited March 11, 2011 by dextm Link to post Share on other sites
shawn923 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Man dude im goin thru some very similiar. except i go to college with my ex, and mostly still see her at lunch, and we always play the stupid one-up game... but i stopped all that, but i still cant help but see her. so im curious to see how ur situation goes, cuz i might try ur method as well! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dextm Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 lol I don't really have any method. Just trying to live and go with the flow, because it's gonna be a sad and boring life at work if I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
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