7 stages of grief applied to breaking-up

[HopeisallIhave]

I started feeling angry today toward my ex of 12 years. I was "shocked" after the break-up, but then re-lived my shock 3-fold after I broke 3 weeks NC on Sunday night, only to have my hopes of reconcilitation crushed after 3 months broken-up. So, as I was angry at my ex today, not just superficially but at my core. I thought...this fitting into the stages of grief of person goes through after the loss of a loved one.

 

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As sure as the change in the seasons us "dumpees" we can expect the following to eventually happen. How much time it actually take is soley up to us and our mindset.

 

Shock - "I can't believe she left, I have to get her back now before it's too late, I will do anything!"

 

Guilt - "I could have done so much more for her" "I was a terrible boyfriend" "She deserved so much better"

 

Anger - "Screw her, if she doesn't want me then so be it" "End our relationship of 12 years with a single short email right before Thansgiving?! You don't have the guts to tell me to my face or even call me, after all these years??!!" "You aren't worth all this pain...no one is!"

 

Depression - "I can't live without her" "Things will never be the same again" "She is one of a knid, and I will never meet another like her again" "I feel like crap"

 

Upward Turn - "I have to pick up the pieces, if I go on like this things will just get worse and worse" "Where is all this suffering getting me anyway?" "I have to set a date and not look back, I must get myself together!"

 

Reconstruction - "I'm working out, getting out, trying to enjoy my life the best I can" "I am only focusing on things there are in my control, and things that are out of my control I will leave to fate in the hopes that whatever happens is the best thing for me in the long run"

 

Acceptance and Hope - "Things have turned around...maybe this was the best thing for both of us" "I'm actually glad we put and end to that strung-out relationship, and if fate sould bring us back together we can start fresh and a new" "There are so many women out there that would be deserving and appreciative of what I have to offer...sky is the limit!"

 

 

P.S. I think when you feel a combo of the first 4 responses we are on our way to the "UPWARD TURN". But this is also the hardest part in the whole cycle, moving from the first set (1-4) to the second set (3-7).

Edited December 23, 2010 by HopeisallIhave
Added as "P.S."

[cerridwen]

Wow. Your tone is so different from when you first made your appearance on LS--in a good way.

 

Although you're still not in a comfortable space, I'm happy that you sound like you're making progress.

 

Thanks for sharing this.

Wishing you well.

[HopeisallIhave]

Thanks cerri that was nice of you.

 

Just though about something - transition to the UPWARD TURN - it's that pinnacle moment where the underdog boxer who has been beaten down to the mat picks himself up, starts to fight (reconstruction phase), and goes on to win the BELT!!!

[cerridwen]

^^^^ And aren't those the moments in movies that get us all riled up and rootin' for the guy/girl for the comeback?!

 

You'll read stories on LS of people enduring real heartache; people with good hearts who were run over by others.

It's uplifting when you read how they begin to bounce back, realize their worth, and in essence, FIGHT BACK so they come out stronger. We WANT people to persevere. We love to root for the hero. Now, we just got to be that hero.