I should have listened to you guys! Im so angry with myself.

[Chance_taker]

Okay so Im right back to square 1 again with my ex of 3 yrs. I was moving on with my life after almost 2 months and was just starting to see someone new. My ex knew this because I flat out told her last week that I was going out of town with her this next weekend. She was angry and jealous and didn't want me to go. All this after telling me she made the right decision to leave. I have been in complete NC for the last 2 months and gave up on all hope of us ever being together again. She got me by calling from an unknown number and I was very shocked to her voice. Anyhow she insisted on seeing me so we met up saturday for lunch. It was a big mistake. I immediately felt those feelings which I was trying to get over this whole time. It gets worse... We spent the whole weekend together and she just left my place. We slept together and had a weekend like we did when we first got together. She told me before she left this morning she loves me but we cant be together because she is afraid of committing to me. Ugh why didn't I listen to you guys and just ignore her? It was such a great feeling to be "with" her again but now Im feeling her leaving me all over again . Guess this is my punishment for being weak.

[Chance_taker]

Thanks for the reply. Sorry that your ex put you through that. I do realize that I do need to move on with my life and not accept any more invites from this girl because they are completly detrimental to that happening. Its just so hard because we shared so many great memories and I can't help but remember them and have forgotten the bad ones. Shes just perfect in so many ways but can't make her be want to be with me. After realizing there are way too many buried feelings for this girl I have to go NC for good and not get sucked back in.

[broken-and-lost]

Hi m8, i just did the same and broke the no contact and i'm back to square one and angry with myself. I had some bad news last night about a friend of mine who past away suddenly so i sent my ex a email telling her, we then got into a conversation about us and i said how much i was missing her and she replied WE both need to take this opportunity for time and space I just think you need to concentrate on you and sort what you need to/ want to out in your own life independently

 

Which has left me back to square one so your not alone i really wished i hadn't

she never gives me a straight answer always the same thing which i guess is the point move on?

 

Sorry your back in same place

[quankanne]

stop berating yourself and look at it as a learning experience. I think you knew deep down there wasn't going to be an "us" when you hooked up with her over the weekend, and maybe this was the best way your subconscience could bring the point home. You're not horrible for slipping a little ... it's just something that was needed to help you finally end things with her. Though I think it really sucks that she used you as a booty call – not nice at all, when you think about it, just very, very selfish.

[Chance_taker]

Broken and Lost my condolences on your friend. Thanks for all the encouragement guys. I know I shouldn't beat myself up over it. I did know better but I let my emotions and feelings for this girl get the better of me. She is so beautiful and was my best friend so I guess 2 months was not enough time to heal after being with her for 3 years. And yes it is a learning experience and tough one to swallow, but I will be back stronger than before. She wants to have her cake and eat it too but she's gonna be left with nothing but cold hard NC from here on out.

[broken-and-lost]

Broken and Lost my condolences on your friend. Thanks for all the encouragement guys. I know I shouldn't beat myself up over it. I did know better but I let my emotions and feelings for this girl get the better of me. She is so beautiful and was my best friend so I guess 2 months was not enough time to heal after being with her for 3 years. And yes it is a learning experience and tough one to swallow, but I will be back stronger than before. She wants to have her cake and eat it too but she's gonna be left with nothing but cold hard NC from here on out.

 

Thanks Chance, that on top of everything else makes it really hard, but the guys are right don't beat yourself up man if you love someone it's really hard to control your emotions, guess we both learning as we go

[Chance_taker]

So I just get a text saying "I had an awesome time being with you this weekend.. I miss you already" and the next one a few minutes later was "Im hoping to see you again soon" What is her deal? She says she cant be with me. But her actions are definitely showing me otherwise. Am I reading into this too much? Im just going to try and move on with my life. Guess if she truly wanted to be with me her words would match her actions.

[shayan]

Broken and Lost my condolences on your friend. Thanks for all the encouragement guys. I know I shouldn't beat myself up over it. I did know better but I let my emotions and feelings for this girl get the better of me. She is so beautiful and was my best friend so I guess 2 months was not enough time to heal after being with her for 3 years. And yes it is a learning experience and tough one to swallow, but I will be back stronger than before. She wants to have her cake and eat it too but she's gonna be left with nothing but cold hard NC from here on out.

 

hell yeah!

[Chance_taker]

well there you have it. your name says it all..."chance taker". man dont do it. boy she really got you figued out. you sounded very excited in your update. remember this....warning comes before destruction. the calm before the storm. if you r on top then stay on top and not give her any lead way to bring u down.

 

but then again....perhaps if i were in your shoes and my ex contacted me i probably wuld bang the hell out of her....lol.

 

Its a hell of high that lasts about 2 seconds and then you're back down to earth so its definitely not worth it.

[Chance_taker]

I really thought I was a stronger person than this and thought I'd learned my lesson this time. Well anyways she calls me last night and asks if she can come over again. My head said hell no but my heart still aches for this girl so I said sure. We slept together again and she just left. Why am I allowing myself to be put through this? She wants all of the benefits of a relationship with me but no committments. I know Im being used but it feels so right at the time. I know she's going to call me again soon and I don't think I will have the willpower to tell her no. Help me please.

[Oscar Wilde]

I know Im being used but it feels so right at the time. I know she's going to call me again soon and I don't think I will have the willpower to tell her no. Help me please.

 

WTF! She's using You! For the sake of your dignity, go NC! How are You gonna feel when she tells You there's another man in her life?

 

Bests regards!

 

Oscar Wilde

Edited October 26, 2010 by Oscar Wilde

[eltsac]

I really thought I was a stronger person than this and thought I'd learned my lesson this time. Well anyways she calls me last night and asks if she can come over again. My head said hell no but my heart still aches for this girl so I said sure. We slept together again and she just left. Why am I allowing myself to be put through this? She wants all of the benefits of a relationship with me but no committments. I know Im being used but it feels so right at the time. I know she's going to call me again soon and I don't think I will have the willpower to tell her no. Help me please.

 

 

I dont know your girl, your relationship or your situation as much as you do, but lets say you want her back. You wont get her going about it this way, youre a friend with benefits. But its not like a friend with benefits before a relationship, its one after a relationship and there is a huge difference. Trust me dude, cut all ties.. Do what you said before that you are gonna go cold no contact.

 

She dumped you right? Broke your heart right? So what the hell are you doing?!

 

Honestly, it does suck and its got to be confusing, but if this wasnt you, and you were giving your brother or best friend advice, what would you say? You would say blank her for now, until she gets the point. Say that you aren't going down this road because its either you are together or you are not and if not then whilst you will always care for her, you are not her boyfriend and have more respect for yourself then to just sleep with her because to you it means more. She will understand that, and just because she is beautiful on the outside, doesnt mean she is good for you on the inside. Trust me man, I went through 3 weeks of what you are doing. Every weekend I reverted back to the start until I had a good talk with her.

 

I haven't contacted her in weeks, but she does contact me. I may give a polite response, but nothing indicating that it means anything more.

 

You're strong dude, you just gotta see it and act on it. She is the one who is emotionally weak as she is reaching out and you are lowering yourself to her by giving her what she wants. I know you care for her and love her, but thats just the way it goes.

 

So have that talk, be kind, hell, kill her with kindness and grace... itll make her see what she is missing and then if she comes back, which she may, the sex will be better as you wont be sat there wondering whats happening next, youll be in the lead.

 

Big up yourself.

[Chance_taker]

Thanks man I needed to hear that. I do still have crazy strong feelings for this girl and I guess I was resorting to taking her anyway I could get her but you're right that is not a way to get her back and definitely no way to respect myself. I know its going to be the most difficult thing I can do ignoring her advances but its ultimately for the best. Just hope I can follow through with the plan

[eltsac]

Thanks man I needed to hear that. I do still have crazy strong feelings for this girl and I guess I was resorting to taking her anyway I could get her but you're right that is not a way to get her back and definitely no way to respect myself. I know its going to be the most difficult thing I can do ignoring her advances but its ultimately for the best. Just hope I can follow through with the plan

 

 

Course you can man!

 

Think about how you will feel when you know it is you who rejected her advances... Tempting as they may be, in a way it puts the control down to you and ball in your court and if you make a cold hard decision like a man, she will subconciously respect you for it...

 

Trust man, its a slow step towards taking the lead, maybe not in reconciliation, but in being man and in doing what is best for you..

 

The moment she dumped you she stopped thinking about 'us' and started thinking about herself.. Now its time for you to think about yourself.

[Hop_prophet]

I know she's going to call me again soon and I don't think I will have the willpower to tell her no. Help me please.

 

Yeah that must be tough. The best way to resist the temptation is to just not pick up the phone at all. If you start talking to her then its over. It only takes one moment of weakness to get that ball rolling. Make sure to remind yourself every day that you deserve more and of all the bad things that led to this situation. Write them down everywhere and find something else to occupy your mind. Next time she calls just put the phone down and leave the apartment till you can get a grip on yourself and your mind is back in control.

[Chance_taker]

You are both right and I HAVE to close this book for good. Do you think its best to just go straight into NC without an explanation or do I give her the "we gotta talk" and let her know why I can't be her puppet anymore? Im just afraid she'll talk me into staying in her life. She knows Im in a vulnerable place in my life and knows just what it takes to get me to do most anything for her. I was doing well in my life without her and she had to come back and mess with my head again for her own selfish reasons.

[Oscar Wilde]

You are both right and I HAVE to close this book for good. Do you think its best to just go straight into NC without an explanation or do I give her the "we gotta talk" and let her know why I can't be her puppet anymore? Im just afraid she'll talk me into staying in her life.

 

Hi again,

 

Let me tell my story about NC. I did explain to my ex that after the break up we could not be friends, and as I respect her decision to be alone with her life, mine had to be respected also. She said "ok, I hoped we could be friends, but I'll respect your decission to not be contacted". Next day she contacted me and also I said the same to her.

 

If you decide to be polite expect some calls, e-mails or txt from her. I prefer to be polite and I feel better with myself this way. But it's your decission.

 

Bests regards,

 

Oscar

Edited October 26, 2010 by Oscar Wilde

[broken-and-lost]

I got to say fella your in a tough old spot nothing worse then when you hand the power over to a girl, but i reckon most of the people on here, if faced with your situation would have difficulty saying jog on, from the outside looking in she is getting her cake and eating it with out any of the commitment to you, but if i'm honest i probably would have done the same

[broken-and-lost]

Hi again,

 

Let me tell my story about NC. I did explain to my ex that after the break up we could not be friends, and as I respect her decision to be alone with her life, mine had to be respected also. She said "ok, I hoped we could be friends, but I'll respect your decission to not be contacted". Next day she contacted me and also I said the same to her.

 

If you decide to be polite expect some calls, e-mails or txt from her. I prefer to be polite and I feel better with myself this way. But it's your decission.

 

Bests regards,

 

Oscar

 

Oscar your a legend i hope i get to your stage where it doesn't mean anything to me anymore apart from someone i use to date read loads of your posts helping me a bit

[Chance_taker]

I got to say fella your in a tough old spot nothing worse then when you hand the power over to a girl, but i reckon most of the people on here, if faced with your situation would have difficulty saying jog on, from the outside looking in she is getting her cake and eating it with out any of the commitment to you, but if i'm honest i probably would have done the same

This is the most gut wrenching spot Ive ever been put it. I want her and it feels so good to "have" her again but when she leaves it tears me apart knowing that I can't truly be with her. Guess part of me hopes that if she's able to see what she has with me all over again that she may change her mind and give us another chance. I know that the moment I put a stop to this though she will move on completely and never look back. Im sorry guys I know this seems like Im a weak person but this is a girl I truly wanted to marry and now she's back in my life again and I really don't want to lose her all over again.

[broken-and-lost]

This is the most gut wrenching spot Ive ever been put it. I want her and it feels so good to "have" her again but when she leaves it tears me apart knowing that I can't truly be with her. Guess part of me hopes that if she's able to see what she has with me all over again that she may change her mind and give us another chance. I know that the moment I put a stop to this though she will move on completely and never look back. Im sorry guys I know this seems like Im a weak person but this is a girl I truly wanted to marry and now she's back in my life again and I really don't want to lose her all over again.

 

Blah your already done it now so just take it easy and see if she starts seeing you again as a person she wants to be with on not just a sexual level, your going to hurt if you send her away now anyway.... so even if she does piss off then you'll just have to handle the pain later or best outcome you get her back

 

life happens when your busy making other plans go for it....

[Chance_taker]

Blah your already done it now so just take it easy and see if she starts seeing you again as a person she wants to be with on not just a sexual level, your going to hurt if you send her away now anyway.... so even if she does piss off then you'll just have to handle the pain later or best outcome you get her back

 

life happens when your busy making other plans go for it....

Good point either way Im gonna hurt so why not just keep her coming back for more I know Im going to get LS scolded but I would rather have her, than for her to be with someone else. We do have an amazing time when we are together and Im just going to play this out and see where it takes me. I may get hurt all over again but I would live with regrets if I end this which to me is worse. Thanks to everyone who posted I do respect all your opinions and it took me a lot of thinking to come to this decision.

[broken-and-lost]

Good point either way Im gonna hurt so why not just keep her coming back for more I know Im going to get LS scolded but I would rather have her, than for her to be with someone else. We do have an amazing time when we are together and Im just going to play this out and see where it takes me. I may get hurt all over again but I would live with regrets if I end this which to me is worse. Thanks to everyone who posted I do respect all your opinions and it took me a lot of thinking to come to this decision.

 

good luck man hope it works out for you!!!! let us know how it goes we'll be here to pick you up if you fall

[Chance_taker]

 

good luck man hope it works out for you!!!! let us know how it goes we'll be here to pick you up if you fall

Thanks for the wishes. I will keep you all updated. Hopefully we end up as one of the 2nd chance exceptions and not the general rule of not working out. Far shot at this point and I have zero expectations but I want to see where this goes.

[Yeahdude22]

hey chance, im dealing with a mind **** of a girl just like you as we speak. i broke up with her cause i knew that was the right thing to do. but she contacted me and i gave in and started talking, etc. we even hooked up and then she went out and got with another guy that same night, and texted me in the morning when she was at his place. i had no idea at the time so i replied, found it and felt like a complete idiot, and im kicking my own ass right now for speaking to her because im letting my emotions take the best of me, when logic should always make your decisions for you. one of my best friends is dating one of her best friends, and her friend and i became friends though us all dating and stuff...well they were over one of these nights when we had a party, and she told me girls will tell you anything you want to hear, but unless their actions match their words it doesnt mean anything. its just a way to keep on "the leash" if you will. it sucked hearing it, the girl also told me that she would say all these things and would twist my words around to make it look like i was begging to be around her and all these things. when thats not what was happening at all. but there are girls out there that will even lie to their friends about stuff like this because of how selfish they are. stay strong bro. im trying to do the same. well get over it!