Day 28 of NC, he texted me.

[pandagirl]

I made a 30 day NC rule for myself , which when I reached that point, I was going to go another month. I am not against being on friendly terms with my ex as our breakup was more sad than horrible, but I know I need time to myself.

 

To my shock, he texted me tonight. It was a message to say he was thinking of a particular night of a trip we took together. I remember that night. It was very Romantic and lovey.

 

Well, how did I react? I was a little satisfied that he was thinking of me, but more than anything I was annoyed. If he wants to talk to

me, he can call me. I didn't text back bc the content of the message caught me off guard. If he had just said, "we haven't talked in a bit, how are you?" I would have written back. But it was a message that was about US, when we were a couple and so in love.

 

So. I am just not writing back. I miss him a lot, and one day I will call him, but I need more time and space to regain my center.

 

Now, I know I shouldn't be worried, but I don't want to seem off putting by not replying to his text. I'm not ignoring him because I'm "punishing" him. I'm just not ready to reopen communication... Do I say anything back?

[nittanylion]

I made a 30 day NC rule for myself , which when I reached that point, I was going to go another month. I am not against being on friendly terms with my ex as our breakup was more sad than horrible, but I know I need time to myself.

 

To my shock, he texted me tonight. It was a message to say he was thinking of a particular night of a trip we took together. I remember that night. It was very Romantic and lovey.

 

Well, how did I react? I was a little satisfied that he was thinking of me, but more than anything I was annoyed. If he wants to talk to

me, he can call me. I didn't text back bc the content of the message caught me off guard. If he had just said, "we haven't talked in a bit, how are you?" I would have written back. But it was a message that was about US, when we were a couple and so in love.

 

So. I am just not writing back. I miss him a lot, and one day I will call him, but I need more time and space to regain my center.

 

Now, I know I shouldn't be worried, but I don't want to seem off putting by not replying to his text. I'm not ignoring him because I'm "punishing" him. I'm just not ready to reopen communication... Do I say anything back?

 

 

Stop it! Who care what he does? You need to move on and be strict on NC. He trys to string you along. Do you want to be treat as a backup plan? Hell fking NO. That is exactly what he is trying to do to you. Move on, heal yourself, and in no time you will find someone who love you for you.

[pandagirl]

Stop it! Who care what he does? You need to move on and be strict on NC. He trys to string you along. Do you want to be treat as a backup plan? Hell fking NO. That is exactly what he is trying to do to you. Move on, heal yourself, and in no time you will find someone who love you for you.

 

I'm not looking for reconciliation. We love each other, but we had to break up.

 

I do care about this person. I know he is hurting as I am. And he isn't stringing me along. He's a standup guy. It was a clean break.

 

I just know we miss each other.

[nittanylion]

I'm not looking for reconciliation. We love each other, but we had to break up.

 

I do care about this person. I know he is hurting as I am. And he isn't stringing me along. He's a standup guy. It was a clean break.

 

I just know we miss each other.

 

 

Clean break? How do you know, he dont cheat behind your back? Why do you give him time when he dont give a **** about you? When someone loves a person, she/he gives a **** about their SO. If he loves you, he will stand by you through good and bad time. Apparently, he is not man enough to be with you or love you enough to stay with you.

[pandagirl]

Clean break? How do you know, he dont cheat behind your back? Why do you give him time when he dont give a **** about you? When someone loves a person, she/he gives a **** about their SO. If he loves you, he will stand by you through good and bad time. Apparently, he is not man enough to be with you or love you enough to stay with you.

 

yowza! Haha.

 

Well, I agree with a lot of what you said. But sometimes relationships just don't work out. I have no need or will benefit from painting my ex in a negative light. I am just trying to do what is best for me, but I won't deny that I do care about his feelings too.

[nittanylion]

yowza! Haha.

 

Well, I agree with a lot of what you said. But sometimes relationships just don't work out. I have no need or will benefit from painting my ex in a negative light. I am just trying to do what is best for me, but I won't deny that I do care about his feelings too.

 

You think he cares about your feeling? Hell no! Why do you want to care about his feeling when he is hurting you or left you high and dry? Ok sometimes like you said relationship dont workout. Ok! Move on........... Why need to post something here on LS about him?

[Hopelesslyforgotten]

You think he cares about your feeling? Hell no! Why do you want to care about his feeling when he is hurting you or left you high and dry? Ok sometimes like you said relationship dont workout. Ok! Move on........... Why need to post something here on LS about him?[/QUOTE]

 

Um, WOW. She obviously is posting on the forum about HIM because she is still grieving...isn't the whole point of the LS is to gain insight and advice when we are going through a breakup? HENCE BEING IN THE BREAKUP FORUM? Just saying...

 

Anyways, from everything you've posted and all the background information it's obvious he still cares about you...but like you said sometimes there's circumstances that make relationship unworkable at the moment.

 

If you don't feel ready to open the lines of communication, then you probably shouldn't Panda...Follow your gut instinct on it...if you feel like it isn't in your best interest ATM then maybe it isn't....but you can always send him a text telling him that right now you're not ready to reopen the lines of communication but you hope that he's doing well, etc (just so it doesn't seem like you are purposefully ignoring him) especially since I know you both didn't end on bad terms...

[pandagirl]

Sigh.

 

I haven't written him back.

 

Our breakup was not bitter. There is no bad blood between us. I would definitely like to open lines of communication between us one day.

 

I'm just afraid that "ignoring" this text is going to create tension between us -- like, I'm playing some like of "game" -- when it's not what I'm doing at all! I'm actually trying to do the right thing: giving myself space to heal and move on, so in the future we can be friendly/friends.

 

Can I just shoot him back a casual text?

[2themoon&back]

Sigh.

 

I haven't written him back.

 

Our breakup was not bitter. There is no bad blood between us. I would definitely like to open lines of communication between us one day.

 

I'm just afraid that "ignoring" this text is going to create tension between us -- like, I'm playing some like of "game" -- when it's not what I'm doing at all! I'm actually trying to do the right thing: giving myself space to heal and move on, so in the future we can be friendly/friends.

 

Can I just shoot him back a casual text?

 

 

it sounds like you may want to text him back even though you do not know what you want to say... one because you are very concerned with what he "might" think if you don't and two you are putting what he "might" think before what you think you need for yourself right now.

 

so text him with the truth...

 

that you wish he would respect your nc and when you are ready you will contact him, you can also tell him if he just has to text you to keep it less intimate, keep it on a lighter note nothing personal ... then you will have satisfied your need to text him and reminded him of the boundaries you have put in place for now

 

good luck ... i know what you are going through and it is ruff

[steammachine]

pandagirl, from what I have read, I believe we are both very much in the same situation, the only differnce is that I'm the guy(and only 3 weeks since breakup/NC)

 

Anyway, here are my thoughts.

 

I don't think you should reply. It was agreed that you would both go NC. NC is NOT a game, unfortunately the text he has sent to you is a game. The way I see it, If you reply, you will fall into the game.

 

If my ex sent me the same sort of text I would be trying my best to ignore it.

 

If you must reply - 2themoon&back has said it best IMHO

[Star Gazer]

Can I just shoot him back a casual text?

 

No. If you want him to respect your desire for NC, you can't break contact yourself.

[Kamille]

With exex, I was the one who broke NC with a message telling him I was thinking about him - nothing as detailed as the message you got though - and asking him how he was doing. I didn't want him back, I just missed him and I had wrongly assumed that he must have been as far along as I was in the healing process and ready to start reminiscing and start the process of being friends.

 

He responded. With anger. About my lack of concern for his well-being. He said he would get back in touch with me when he felt ready, which would probably be never. A year later he did get in touch with me and now we are friends.

 

I bring up this example because it could apply to you. You're reacting from a place of care for him and not one of care for yourself. I think I know enough about you to know anger is not your modus operandi, but you have every right to be angry at him right now. He is disrespecting your request for NC.

 

That being said, I suggest you send him a tamer version of what exex wrote me. Tell him straight up that you are not ready for contact yet and that you will get in touch with him when you feel the time is right. In the meantime, you hope he will respect you enough to give you time to heal.

[Billie The Puppet]

Stick to NC don't explain it just stick to it.

[pandagirl]

Whoops, I didn't see all the replies to this until now! I did end up replying to his text.

 

 

I don't think you should reply. It was agreed that you would both go NC. NC is NOT a game, unfortunately the text he has sent to you is a game. The way I see it, If you reply, you will fall into the game.

 

No. If you want him to respect your desire for NC, you can't break contact yourself.

 

The thing is, I never said to him I was going NC. The last time we talked was a nice conversation. I said that I was doing well with the breakup, and that I realized it was for the best. I also said we would talk, but stated that it would be best not to talk too much.

 

After that last phone call, I just went NC for myself, so I had time and space for myself to regain my center and figure out myself.

 

With exex, I was the one who broke NC with a message telling him I was thinking about him - nothing as detailed as the message you got though - and asking him how he was doing. I didn't want him back, I just missed him and I had wrongly assumed that he must have been as far along as I was in the healing process and ready to start reminiscing and start the process of being friends.

 

He responded. With anger. About my lack of concern for his well-being. He said he would get back in touch with me when he felt ready, which would probably be never. A year later he did get in touch with me and now we are friends.

 

I bring up this example because it could apply to you. You're reacting from a place of care for him and not one of care for yourself. I think I know enough about you to know anger is not your modus operandi, but you have every right to be angry at him right now. He is disrespecting your request for NC.

That being said, I suggest you send him a tamer version of what exex wrote me. Tell him straight up that you are not ready for contact yet and that you will get in touch with him when you feel the time is right. In the meantime, you hope he will respect you enough to give you time to heal.

 

You're right, I was reacting from a place of care for him. I thought about replying for him for a day, and did ended up texting him back. Seeing that I never stated I needed NC or that I was going NC, his text to me merely meant to me that he was thinking of me and probably wondering where I went! I didn't want to ignore him, especially that I feel much better about the whole breakup.

 

It's only been a day since I sent my reply, but so far, I don't regret it. For me, it cut the tension of me "avoiding" him. Am I ready to be friends with him? No. Do I want to be friends with him? Maybe some day, who knows what will happen.

 

I've done a lot of processing about our relationship in the past month. I still love him and miss him, but I am 100% sure that breaking up was the best thing to do at the time, which has made it easier for me to cope and let go.

[bboy]

If what you say is true, that you don't have more interest than eventually friendship, then that is the way to treat him. Just follow your values and be honest. It will give you the best result.

[pandagirl]

If what you say is true, that you don't have more interest than eventually friendship, then that is the way to treat him. Just follow your values and be honest. It will give you the best result.

 

The honest truth is, I have no idea what I want from him.