stefany2 Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 I have been in love with my boyfriend for quite some time now. He is great! But I have underlying issues and don't know how to approach them. I have tryed to break up with him for two weekends in a row now. I love him madly. But I find myself feeling like he wants something else even though he tels me he wants me. The feeling is so strong I keep making an a** of myself. What is going on with me? Is it time to break up or am I in need of some help with an underlying issue? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 So let me see if I've got this straight... You think that your boyfriend wants someone else and so you've tried to break up with him over it?? What makes you think he wants someone else? Is this your only underlying issue, or are there more? Unless he hasn't demonstrated by actions or words that he wants someone else, then I think it's all in your head. Are you afraid of truly being happy? These are issues that you definitely need to address before you drive him away for good! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 YOU ASK: "Is it time to break up or am I in need of some help with an underlying issue?" You obviously have some self esteem issues, some deep down feelings that you don't deserve this love you have. Come on, your thread title says you are "...officially crazy in love" and your thread indicates you "love him madly." That's pretty strong stuff. In the sentence just before that, you say you've tried to break up with the guy for two weekends in a row. That's just nuts. Love isn't all that easy to find. Instead of trying to get rid of something so precious, invest a few dollars in a counsellor to see why you are trying so hard to sabotage something that most human beings attach great value to. Get some professional help right away!!! Somewhere in your distant past, my bet is you were made to feel unworthy or undeserving. That simply isn't the case. All humans deserve love and to be loved. I'm afraid if this guy really loves you and you are so crazy in love with him, you will really screw things up if you don't get help soon. Go for it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted August 15, 2003 Moderators Share Posted August 15, 2003 Sometimes it's difficult for us to accept something so positive and fulfilling as the unwaivering love of another human being. In our world, we often get fed the message (by many sources) that we don't come close to "measuring up." Even when we are honest, loving, trustworthy people, we feel we do not deserve happiness. Stefany, I think what you are feeling may just be issues of self esteem, as Tony said. And yes, perhaps a counsellor could be of value. Nonetheless, I would also suggest that you talk to your man about your insecurity/unease too (that is, of course, if you haven't already done so). Are the underlying issues something that you feel you could talk to him about too? Afterall, if he is half the man you feel he is, then you should be able to take the risk of talking to him about your feelings and vulnerabilities. No man worth his salt will reject a woman because she is allowing him to see her humanity. If anything, he will probably cherish the fact that you have been so "real" with him, and opened yourself so completely to him. Don't believe the lie that you are not good enough. You deserve happiness and love. Peace. Curt Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 Could it be that you're pushing your relationship to the edge, just so he'll yank you back and prove how much he loves you?? I know many young women who have done this before, and it's a risky game at best. You don't have to introduce drama into the relationship in order to validate his feelings. Just talk to him...again and again if you need to. This is the best and only way reaffirm the bond between you. Healthy, stable relationships are built on communication and trust. You don't want to 'rattle the foundation' unless you are serious about wanting to end your relationship for good. Link to post Share on other sites
stefany2 Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 I do know all of this. That's why I'm scared. If I am aware of what I'm doing and I am aware of why and what I should be doing...but I continue on my path a big red flag goes up. That's why I turned to you guys. I have talked to him about this. And he has assured me his only intent is to honestly and trustingly love me. And I have spoken to him about what from my past is creeping back into my head. But I did make these past gohst seem like nothing...even though they are very hard for me to deal with. I am one of those people who have a happy face on all the time and a hard candy shell...but really are not. I just don't like to come across as weak. And as far as self esteem it's strange. I think highly of myself and in the past no one was ever good enough and now that I've fallen I find my self esteem shaky. I know why. Thing is I'm tired of being strong. I want to let it all out. I need to...before I ruin my relationship with him just because I'm botteling it all up and it's trying to find a way out. Awww man, I know what I have to do. I need to talk with him about what all this is and how it has effected my life. And hopefully it won't change how he feels for me and if it does then he just isn't the one. But I need to let it out before it tears me up. I have a feeling if I don't talk then it'll keep coming back in different areas of my life until I do. Link to post Share on other sites
stefany2 Posted August 15, 2003 Share Posted August 15, 2003 Thanks for always being here! Any time I feel down or have a prob or just wanna chat ya'll are always here and ready to help. Link to post Share on other sites
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