She needs independence

[Dazed&Confused]

I don't know where to begin. I've dated this lady for 4.5 years. She is divorced with two daughters ages 5 & 14. I'm 28 and she is 33. Our relationship has been really solid for the last 3 years, but over the last six months she has started a new career and is completely responsible for her girls (X husband is a loser). This has left us with very little time to go out and have any kind of fun, and she is really feeling stressed out about all of these changes.

 

So two weeks ago she tells me that she has come to the realization that right now she doesn't even have time to love herself, much less be in a loving relationship with me. This completely blew my mind. She said that she didn't want to see anybody else, and that she still wanted to work out with me, but that she simply needed to gain some independence.

 

For the next few days after this she called me everyday, but over the last week, she hasn't called once. She did show up at a special ribbon cutting ceromony that I had for a business that I just started, but she was very cold acting and left the minute that it was over. I called her that afternoon to invite her to a concert that is coming to town in a week that we had already talked about going to, but she said that she didn't think that it would be a good idea.

 

I'm trying to give her some space so that I don't chase her away, but it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't understand what I could've done that would make her treat me this cold and distant. I've been by her side thru a lot of Bull***t that she has had to deal with in her life over the last few years.

 

Just a month ago she handed me a magazine picture of a diamond ring that she loved in case I was going to ever ask her to marry me. I had been planning to ask her to marry me this fall in between both of our birthdays, but it looks as though I might be to late.

 

Please give me any ideas on what it sounds like I did wrong and anything I could do to stop the break up. I'm trying to give her some space, but I'm so afraid that she is really trying her best to put our relationship behind her and start over.

 

Help Please!

[Sarrow]

Damn man, I am sorry to hear about this.

 

I honestly know what you are going through, and the helplessness that is probably consuming you right about now.

 

My advice right off hand, is to show up to her place, or where ever you can get together, with something sweet, as simple as some flowers, and tell her that you two really need to talk, and just ask her to be completely frank with you and completelty open and honest. Explain that it is being fair to you both that shes completelty open and honest, and you do the favor and telling her everything that you are thinking.

 

If she tells you she doesn't want love between you two, then let her go.

If she says she wants it but due to new circumstances she doesn't see how it will work, try to find a way to make it work. Promise to be open and honest to each other all the time.

If she simply thinks that she needs some room but wants to stay in the relationship, give her her room. I know it sucks to do this, but in the end she will make the right choice. And remember "absense makes the heart grow fonder"

 

Good luck bro, keep us informed.