What to do.... she wants me but she doesnt?

[Diller076]

Hello,

 

Thank You for taking the time to read my problem.

 

My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me for the second time in 5 weeks. The first time came as a suprise to me, i thought we were doing fine. We got into alot of small fights and dissagreements on a daily basis, but we always worked through them. We have a very strong bond with eachother and have dated since high school. I understand that we are still young and have much to learn but i know for a fact that this is the only girl i want to be with for the rest of my life. I have done alot of things to her in the past that has caused her pain and i regret that, For the past year we have been really great and hold a strong amount of trust in eachother now. We planned many vacations and talked about our future togather if we were to get married. i thought of us as a very mature couple. I had everything i ever wanted and invested alot of time and money into our relationship, i cared more for her wellbeing then i did my own. Then out of the blue, fight after fight agian , i was trying my hardest to understand what i was doing wrong. I had no idea why this was happening. Over the course of a week she began treating me with no respect and had no remorse for my feelings. She then said that she needed to explore life without me for once, to see what she could do on her own without me always being there to help her. She also said she needed her space and couldnt see me everyday anyore. I was emotionally ruined, i have talked to this girl everyday since we dated and seen her almost everyday, we grew up in our relationship and life togather. That was 5 weeks ago, after a week of still talking to her, i told her i had met someone(even though i had'nt) instantly she started crying and had realized what she had lost and we got back togather. I made her promise me that she would never do that to me agian, and explained to her that it was the worst week of my entire life. She promised me and i tried to rebuild my trust for her agian. After a week she was back to treating me like ****, but i didnt care, at least i had her. I put up with it because i loved her and always will. She came up to me and told me that she had been treating me like **** and i diserve so much more than that, i told her i didnt care how she treated me as long as we were togather. She declined and broke up with me agian... I dint eat for the first 4 days and havent slept more than 8 hours in 4 days, i cant live without her. I call her everyday and try to work something out but she wont, she says she needs her time. Im to attached to her and dont know how its so easy for her to do this. Once agian I acted like i was over her and was moving on, but she insisted on seeing me, i went to her house and she kissed me, and then we ended up sleeping togather, i thought it was a good sign intill she said it was a bad idea and i should leave. We did this about 3 times now. IM SO CONFUSED....... she wants me but she doesnt?? Please help me someone..... THANK YOU

[PurpleAngel]

I am so sorry you are going through this but I am not going to say anything you are going to like unfortunately. I feel extremely sorry for you. Let this be a lesson to you that it is not healthy to invest everything into something. You cannot rely on her to live, to be happy, to breath etc… you have to create that for yourself! You say you would put up with anything she dishes out. WHY? Don’t you deserve to be treated right. This is a sign that she is not right for you, and the right person is still out there waiting to meet you.

 

There is nothing to be confused about Leave Her Alone man! I am sorry but you have to. If you care for her so much then let her go. Don’t play these games about telling her you have met someone else… doesn’t ever work in the long run.

 

Have some self-respect! The love you talk about is not healthy, no wonder she wants space. Trust me give it to her, and you move on too. Don’t speak to her all the time. If she really feels strongly for you she will return but for now, try to be strong. I understand how very hard it is BUT you can’t hold onto something that has already gone! I think you know it, you want to believe deep down that she still wants you but for now all she wants you to do is give her space, so give her at least that respect.

 

I can’t believe you are prepared to have someone treat you like crap just as long as they stay with you, can you not hear how WRONG that sounds???

 

Please be strong, yes the healing process is going to be hard BUT don’t ever hold on to anything or get back together with someone cos it hurts too much to stay apart! Do it through the truth of something being right and right not it is not.

 

Good Luck and keep positive

~PurpleAngel~

[Neo]

You may be attracted more to what you want her to be than how she is. You shouldn't be attracted to her if she is treating you that way

[Diller076]

I understand that i should give her space, but it is so hard to... i dont understand how someone so caring and loved me so much could so easily forget about me and not want me anymore.. The fact that i hang out with her on accation and ending up kissing her and she kisses me back keeps this small flame inside of me alive and refuses to give up on her and what we have shared togather...

I cant help think that the reason she treats me so badly is that she knows no matter what she does to me i will still always love her and forgive her. Her leading me on and putting me down hurts me so bad i can barily stand it. I had no idea emotional pain could be this bad.

They say persistance pays off..... but in this case i feel i am fighting a loosing battle. No matter what i do she gets mad at me and im always the bad guy. I had no idea she had it in her to hurt me this badly so many times and say she doesnt care... ive lost 15 pounds when i only wieghed 165 and have gotten almost no sleep. I sometimes drink just to make it easier to go to sleep at night.

How is it possible that i thought i had it all figured out? And the next day none of it was ever true or ever real. almost 4 years togather...wasted??....... i can only hope not.

[Velvet Eel]

Your ex-girlfriend seems to be almost as attached to you as you are to her. That's why she can't give up kissing you, etc., when you spend time together. But it doesn't mean that she wants to continue the relationship. It's just the push and pull of the heart. It's hard to let go of someone you love, even if you've decided that it's what you want.

 

If she wanted to stay with you, she would treat you well (not always--no one's an angel--but consistently) and be eager to work on your relationship problems. Instead, she's treating you terribly and taking advantage of your feelings for her. She's using you for comfort and ego support. Step away from your pain for a few minutes and look at her behavior objectively, as if you were giving advice to a friend.

 

If I were you, I'd stop the chase. Two weeks of no contact would be very painful for you, but you might gain some clarity about the break-up and begin to accept what she's telling you. She may panic and come running to you, or she may breathe a sigh of relief that you're giving her the space she asked for.