lesoiseaux Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Hi all, So my ex broke up with me 7 months ago, and we've been NC ever since. I spent the next 5 months studying abroad, having the time of my life, and getting over things. When I got back I started casually seeing someone, but that just ended last week. While I hadn't (and haven't) reached a point where I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I am over my ex, with each month I could tell I was making clear progress and just as recently as last week I felt okay with everything. But lately...I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I've been missing my ex. I feel like if he were to want to get back together, I would consider it (after much reflection...I know I wouldn't just run back into his arms). With most of my friends being in relationships, I feel like I'm surrounded by couples, and in conjunction with the way things ended with the guy I was seeing, I just feel like I'm getting increasingly cynical. I realize that some aspects of my ex I really did like. I feel like I've changed enough so that perhaps things could work between us again. But most of me knows this is just stupid, and maybe he just never wants to see me again anyway. Why do I miss my ex? Has this happened to anyone? I would like to see him again, and not even really to try and make things work. I guess I'm just wondering what he's up to. All I know is...I did not think I would have to return to the Breakup Forums seven months later. Ugh. I just feel so crappy... Link to post Share on other sites
Blue6 Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 My Ex broke up with me roughly 9.5 months ago. How time flies. In those 9 months i've been trying to piece my life back together after she seemingly changed her tune overnight and disrespectfully ripped me a new one, ouch. Chances are, you're not really over it yet? How long were you together? I still struggle a few times a week knowing how much I loved her and there is nothing I can do about it. Only you know why you miss them and changes are its for a good reason. I feel as if i'm rambling now but I wanted to comment, I know how you feel and it's just plan rotten. Chin up..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lesoiseaux Posted July 28, 2010 Author Share Posted July 28, 2010 Thanks for your response, it helps even just knowing someone understands. We dated for over 2 years. It's just so frustrating because most of the time I feel like I should be over this by now, and most of the time it seems as though I AM over it! Apparently not. And, if I were to tell my friends how I feel -- the friends that I ranted to about my ex, perhaps excessively so in an effort to try and get over him -- they would probably just disregard my feelings. It's like I'm not supposed to or allowed to still feel anything toward him. But I guess I do? I'm probably just idealizing him, or at least that's what I try to tell myself.. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue6 Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 My biggest issue is that I have so many unresolved feelings and issues. She kinda left the party and I stayed looking for a ride home and came to realize I was the only one left there. It was long distance and I had to listen to her reasoning for ending it which in my opinion were bogus and hurtful and lacked any bit of respect for me. If you want to break up with me, fine, but do it with class, it's almost impossible, but I tried to remain the bigger person in all of it. I kinda realized that I lost so much of myself in the process that I kind of feel foreign to me. I put so much energy into someone else for such a long time that I don't know how to take care of myself which I am trying to correct and learn from. Enough time has past and she is just a memory to me at this point, but I know I am still in love with her and I need to let that feeling fade away once and for all, I owe that much to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
jen_r Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Enough time has past and she is just a memory to me at this point, but I know I am still in love with her and I need to let that feeling fade away once and for all, I owe that much to myself. That sentence right there, is what kills me. What is the point in relationships? When you let yourself fall unconditionally in love with someone and you never know if it's going to last. Who says that you can actually get over it? I am absolutely in love with my ex and I don't understand how I have to just shut these feelings off and forget about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Bbsteps Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 Just a thought...have you considered contacting him and try to see if things will work out or not? Though I'm not in a good situation myself... But I think it helps you end it once and for all, so your heart is telling you you did all you can, you can finally let go Link to post Share on other sites
oldfashiongirlie Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 The grief process has 5 stages (Denial,anger,Bargaining,depression,Acceptance). And it can jump randomly from one stage to another not following an order, I believe you were in the acceptance stage while you were focusing on new things, but once you were back home I guess emotions and memories triggered and now you're back to depression... When we loose our loved one wether he's still alive or not, our mind makes no difference, all we know is that he's gone, and not there for us anymore. I am in that proccess too, iknow how hard it can get, specially when we revolve our entire life around someone else, that's the lesson I've learned it's not good for ourselves to stop thinking about what makes us happy, and to just neglect my own needs/wants. Just accept any emotion that you feel wether it's sadness, loneliness, it will get better in time... Link to post Share on other sites
Bbsteps Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 The grief process has 5 stages (Denial,anger,Bargaining,depression,Acceptance). And it can jump randomly from one stage to another not following an order, I believe you were in the acceptance stage while you were focusing on new things, but once you were back home I guess emotions and memories triggered and now you're back to depression... When we loose our loved one wether he's still alive or not, our mind makes no difference, all we know is that he's gone, and not there for us anymore. I am in that proccess too, iknow how hard it can get, specially when we revolve our entire life around someone else, that's the lesson I've learned it's not good for ourselves to stop thinking about what makes us happy, and to just neglect my own needs/wants. Just accept any emotion that you feel wether it's sadness, loneliness, it will get better in time... I have to agree with you... But the pain never fades... Just the mere thought of him will be painful, even when you sleep you dream of him... You go and think... has he moved on and left all the memories behind?... love...is a silly thing Link to post Share on other sites
truthalwayshurts Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 I have dated with my ex for 4 years (2 years lived together) you can read my long story on my threads. Its been 3 weeks since we have split up (it was her decision) and i still cant stop crying everyday. It feels like its not going to go out of my head and i have too many friends and family to support me Now you are making me scared 7 months 9 months later i dont want to be in this state. This feelings might push me into dead end and i would really end up marrying someone maybe i dont want to be married but just to cut my feelings off and have a commitment in my life. Pray to God it helps! Link to post Share on other sites
jen_r Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 I have dated with my ex for 4 years (2 years lived together) you can read my long story on my threads. Its been 3 weeks since we have split up (it was her decision) and i still cant stop crying everyday. It feels like its not going to go out of my head and i have too many friends and family to support me Now you are making me scared 7 months 9 months later i dont want to be in this state. This feelings might push me into dead end and i would really end up marrying someone maybe i dont want to be married but just to cut my feelings off and have a commitment in my life. Pray to God it helps! Thats how i feel. Who ever i end up marrying in my life, won't be the person I truly wanted it with and that hurts. The next guy that comes along will have no idea that I am still in love with my ex. And If I get proposed to, I will wish that it was my ex proposing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lesoiseaux Posted July 28, 2010 Author Share Posted July 28, 2010 I guess for me what is funny is that I truly felt okay with things for a long time. I even reached a point where I knew the breakup was for the best, that both my ex and I made mistakes, that I stopped dreaming of him or thinking of him every day, etc. I was never 100% over things but I figured that would come with time...I just thought 7 months would be enough! But for all of you who are scared, please trust me when I say things will get better and you WILL feel better. It's just a matter of wanting to do so and moving on from mourning when the time is right. I think I was lucky in that I got to leave the country immediately post breakup, but now that I am back in a familiar place, I have to deal with these feelings that I was simply able to avoid before. Plus, I think that now that I've changed, I am hoping that perhaps he changed too and that we could give it another shot (maybe...???) under better circumstances. I did NOT regret the breakup at all because it really was necessary. But I guess I am realizing with time that there really were some things about my ex that were quite unique and I did like, and we did have some good times...though I know it's not like we can replicate that. It's like I need some closure...even though I really thought I had had closure. I'm simply too curious as to what he is up to, and all the lovey-dovey relationships around me are NOT helping with that Link to post Share on other sites
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