life's contrasts Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 For the ladies. My lady (39) and I (41) met 5 years ago...a wild romance...deep soul connection..very physically attracted to each other...a good match indeed. She jumped out of one 6 yr relationship with little time in between to us pursuing our 6 yr relationship....totaling 11/12 yrs nonstop for her. We managed to have a son (3 1/2), do a 2 yr remodel on an isolated country property with no help from family...had few friends/outside interaction...spending loads of cash and in each other's business all day long as I worked nonstop for 2 yrs on this project. Like clockwork...we both exploded...I broke up with her and we both moved off the property to separate residences and leased out our house. We quickly reconciled within a month and started healing together, but not taking enough proper healing time. We continued on like before our major conflict and issues and were genuinely getting along better and resolving issues better as well. We have both experienced financial set backs together and her industry is in decline (more stress). Right after reconciliation...I had two injuries back to back and quickly healed. I became a bit needy...clingy, a bit vulnerable and was pressuring her a bit to move back in with me, with us both agreeing to the idea in summer 2010. We have shared custody responsibilities fairly..spent every weekend together since getting back together again and I take our son regularly to ensure her breaks/free time. Well..2 wks ago..she's delivers me the cliche " I love you..but not am in love with you right now and want space/time". Ouch that hurts! Well..I resisted a bit...needed some processing and explanation..but have been largely supportive...understanding and expressing the positive side to this new arrangement. She did say that she needs space...wants to spend time with girlfriends...go dancing...flirt a bit and maybe see how it feels to have some attention from other guys...but really not interested in having sex with me or anyone else. She added that I am a tough act to follow...we have a child together and I know that we are not over and done with...be patient. So I pulled back..keeping my cool...playing a bit aloof without playing games and I call only for parental/business and important issues. She still calls regularly with affection and ends with "I love you" usually. I want to believe her, trust her and believe that she is not using this as a slow but sure way of saying goodbye. She is brutally honest and said she would most certainly tell me that it is over if she felt so and that she knows that it's not over yet. Furthermore...she says that a part of her changed when I broke up with her and she wants to find that part. She did not get enough time after we broke up, according to her. Well...I truly want to believe in her...trust her and have faith. We really have an amazing time when we are "on" and have more commonalities than most. She also keeps saying couples reunite....relationships change and this will strenghten ours...but no promises. Sounds fair enough. Any input from people with similiar experiences? Thank you for reading. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 She jumped out of one 6 yr relationship with little time in between And now she is jumping again, right on schedule. It sounds like this is pattern behavior for her. Don't be surprised if a couple of weeks down the road you get the "I've met someone and want to explore something new" speech. It appears that she thrives on the 'new', and when that coasts down over a period of years, she goes looking for the thrill of the 'new' again. She may not have found someone, but she is looking. At least she had the decency to hint at that (though throwing in the 'not interested in having sex with anyone else' is more than likely not true) and not leave you completely blindsided when it happens. It sounds like she turns her men into 'daddy/care-takers' (and the sex dries up, you bet), and once she is comfortable, she looks for a 'lover' type to fill the void she creates when she bumps 'daddy' off the sexual radar. She will probably end up staying with you in the end, because she would be foolish to walk away from that sort of security for herself and your child, but it will only be after she has had time to "explore" (and all that it implies). She doesn't want setbacks, child responsibilities, financial problems, neediness, problems, arguments, etc. She doesn't want to be settled down into mommy/wife when it feels like time is a'wastin and there is still time to be single. She wants to be 'sexy lady who is in demand'. At 39, she may feel this is her last shot at it. She wants fun, and it sounds like she is out to get it. Brace yourself, just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author life's contrasts Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 Thanks for the insight(s). I just have to ride this one out and let fate take over. It's tough. Link to post Share on other sites
paperchase Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Yeah man, I'm going through something similar and if you are 40 then you know exactly what a break means. She wants the space to explore other relationships and there's no easy way to say that. I'm a cynic but I believe that most women don't break up with you until they have someone else lined up. So when she finally tells you hey, I've met someone else that means hey I'm about ready to start screwing this person I've been getting close to while pulling away from you. It sucks but I've learned to accept this and not delude myself. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 She jumped out of one 6 yr relationship with little time in between to us pursuing our 6 yr relationship.... Sadly it sounds like the expiration date on your realtionship has come due. Usually lets take a break is a nice way of saying "I got my eye on someone else but I want to keep you in the wings in case it does not materialize" Even if that is not happening I suggest you go NC. Sorry for your loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author life's contrasts Posted April 3, 2010 Author Share Posted April 3, 2010 Well..some time has passed and my lady was actually saying...it's getting boring...time to spice it up. Changes. So not always does a woman mean it's over when she says..."im not in love with you...but i love you". Listen closely. Give her space. Stop calling. Support her. If the sex dries up...she's probably over you, but you can win her back. Make her remember why she fell in love with you in the first place. Signing off. Link to post Share on other sites
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