Confused About What Needs To Be Done!

[motormaid]

I am at a point where I need to make a decision and I find that I'm "waffling" back and forth. I know I'm not happy anymore with my significant other. I have lost trust in him and I know he witholds information from me. His negativity has also affected me. I'll try to give a brief synopsis of our 5 year relationship so you might be able to help me move forward.

 

I met him through the internet 5 years ago. He is 10 years younger then me and a long time stage hand. He was making a six figure salary at that time. He is tall and handsome and was quite funny. We hit it off almost immediately and were extremely happy for about 2 years. During that time, I discovered he had been married 3 times and had 6 children, none of which he raised to fruition. He also had a practicing alcoholic ex-girlfriend that still called him on his cell phone from time to time to either ask him back, to ask a favor of him, or to yell at him. I know this sounds crazy, but that's what was happening. I adored him so much that it didn't bother me.

 

I became very ill about 3 years ago and he helped me through the whole event. I was disfigured by the multiple surgeries needed to save my life, but he said that didn't matter. However, I suspect I felt less than because I have always been an attractive lady and I was ashamed of my "railroad tracks". In trying to search for some sort of motivation to get well and to prove to myself that I wasn't "over the hill" from this life-threatening experience, I tried out for something that no woman has done before. I won't say what it is because some people may then know me. Let's say that I fooled the supposed experts when I was able to pull it off. It entailed being the only woman on an all male team and we traveled all over the country doing performances. It was during this time that I noticed that my significant other and myself were starting to have problems.

 

Please let me say that except for a few young members on the team, most of the males were 60+ so my participation should not have been a concern. I must admit I was determined to do as well as the male members, so I spent long hours practicing which perhaps led him to believe he was not important in my life anymore. After some very uncomfortable discussions, he left me 2 years ago and traveled up to a very rural area of the country where he had a home. I didn't hear from him for 3 weeks and was frantic. He finally called and sounded very happy on the phone, telling me everything he was doing, and then added that his ex-girlfriend (the alcoholic) was with him. I was broken-hearted. I didn't know what to feel. I continued to e-mail him frequently and let him know that I still loved him, hoping he would come to his senses.

 

He called one day saying he was in town for a show and could he stop by. I was ecstatic. When he showed up, he looked kind of uncomfortable, but I guess I didn't want to notice that and welcomed him into my house. He said I would probably be angry with him and I laughingly said "What, don't tell me you've done something silly like getting married or something!" I was only joking, but he said yes, he was married to the ex-girlfriend (which made that his fourth marriage). My whole world came to a screeching halt. I was totally devastated. But here is where I made my mistake. I loved him so much, I just shut down that part of my brain telling me this was wrong and asked him to stay. Guess what - he did. And he came down and stayed with me frequently after that. About 8 months into this marriage, he threw her out supposedly because she was drinking and running around on him.

 

I retired last year and changed my whole life by selling my home and moving everything up to this beautiful rural area. I love my new home that I bought, but yes I came up here for him. The agreement was that I would pay the mortgage (the title is in my name) and he would pay the utilities and buy the food. Well, it's gone down hill so fast it's not funny. He doesn't pay for anything now and complains that he can barely make ends meet. (He doesn't do any shows anymore because he says when He does, the union takes money for child support.) His ex-girlfriend is still in town and he let her stay at his house, even after we had discussed it and agreed that it wasn't proper. I caught them eating meals there and a couple of times, he went over and took showers there. She called him on his cell-phone constantly and left obscene messages on my phone at home. Friends said they saw him in a bar with her sitting on his lap, etc, etc. I turned into a jealous monster - something I've never done before.

 

Anyway, here it is. I have always been a very independent lady. I've made a good living in my time and could actually not ever work again and do just fine. The craziness I mentioned above has stopped, but the damage to our relationship is deep and I'm afraid non-repairable. We've had some terrific fights in the last month or so and I've asked him to move back to his home. But I'm stuck in a way. He talked me into buying a 10 acre ranch in addition to my home so I could keep the horses I bought for us on it. It requires a lot of work and without his help, it would be almost impossible to manage on my own. There are men here in town but few want to work and I don't want to get into a position where I owe anyone a favor, if you catch my drift. My friends and relatives live far away and I'm pretty much on my own up here. My kids are grown and I don't want to burden them with my stupid circumstance. I know I should probably break it off, but it's so hard to do because I had believed so much in him and us at one time AND he was there for me when I was so ill.

 

I guess I'm afraid and just need some help and support in making the right decision. Sorry I was so verbose but I had to kind of give you an idea of how in the heck I got myself in this situation. Any help you might provide would be greatly appreciated.

[yes]

can't you sell the ranch/horses?

 

why not hire someone to take care of them? would it be too expensive?

 

good luck,

-yes

[Tony T]

Get away from the worthless bum, no matter what it takes. Talk to some real estate people about liquidating your holdings (how much you could get, how long it would take to sell, etc.). Move to another city where you have friends and make a new life for yourself.

 

You've worked hard all your life and you don't need this kind of aggravation at this point. Get to a point real fast when you can cease all contact with this guy. Sure, he may have been there for you in the past but he isn't now. You don't need to reward people all their lives for a favor they did for you in the past. If they turn sour, you do the same.

 

Be strong and be gone!!!