just up and leaving

[zingy]

what do you think of a person who is just tired of everything in their life into and including their relationship and the hassles of it all, but still they love the person but they are also having a lot of turmoil in their heart and head towards leaving.

 

if one just ups and leaves while the other is away, does that make a person crazy, the one leaving? is that wrong if that is the easiet way?

 

i don't know what else to do..i'm just so lost.

[maskee28]

I'm not sure if leaving without notifying your partner makes you crazy, but it does make you extremely disrespectful not to mention insensitive & mean.

 

Does your partner not deserve to know your reasons for leaving? Or should they just come home to a half empty house and then try to figure it out for themselves?

 

You say you still love your partner. I somehow don't see 'up & leaving' with no explanation as a display of love.

[zingy]

that many of people have done it before, and yes i love him in my heart but this has been such an on-going thing that leaving him without notice would be the best for us both, as it is too hard to say g'bye.

 

he would know exactly why i am/would be leaving and probably be in agreement with me at some future point or another.

 

i am just tired of being made to feel that i am a piece of crap, that everything i do is somehow making me feel flawed, wrong, or not normal.

 

i'm tired of feeling hurt one day then so cherished the next, or one minute then the next is more so like it..

 

he as this tendency to answer me in such a snotty tone of voice but then saying he is not in a bad mood or anything yet his voice detects that he is, so now i am trying to point that out to him and he is saying that i need some help for thinking that everytime he responds to me in a tone of voice that i don't like that there is something wrong with him, i.e. bad mood, tired, cranky...etc.

 

so i feel a no win situation at times and there would be no furniture missing when he came home, just my clothes as everything in this house is his anyway and not mine and i would not take anything that is not mine.

[maskee28]

Yes, I agree many people have probably done this before. But that doesn't mean it's right.

 

It DOES sound like this relationship needs to end, from your post it sounds like your boyfriend is not very considerate and quite disrespectful.

 

I do, however, still think your boyfriend deserves to be told you are leaving. Yes, it probably will be painful to say goodbye. Break-ups ARE usually painful.

[NEONINK]

What seems so hard that it is almost unbearable, does take a lot of courage. However, in the long run, it is for the best for your peace of mind and his. And if there is no hope of reconciliation, I would make that known up front also.

 

Anything worth doing, is worth doing well. Including breaking up.

 

Ok, so it didn't work out for you. No problem, you'll both survive. But it is better to clear the air upon leaving, unless there is a threat of violence, I would explain, then walk and don't look back. I would hope it could be done in a kind, loving manner, but firm also.

[Dragonflys]

Hi

 

Its sounds to me that you just feel tired and worn out from trying to communicate with this guy. I'd say its more than just his tone of voice. Maybe you have reached the point where you cringe and feel sick to the stomach whenever you have to talk with him about anything deep and meaningful. Maybe he manipulates you emotionally. It's not something you should let anyone be able to do to you, and I hope you learn from this, but it sounds like the damage is long done.

 

If I am guessing right, this comes about from you and he being very different people, and you being considerably more sensitive. It sounds like you have made up your mind months/years ago.

 

I'd say if you can't face him, do what you intend to do. I may not be popular saying this, but it sounds like you have tried everything else and you have reaching this point because of that.

 

I wish you well.

 

Oliver

[zingy]

you really hit the nail on the head with what you said, and that is amazing.

of course the problem always lyes' in the pain of heart when i make up my mind to leave when we are in a fight, then i cool down and so does he and well as you can see, i am still here.

 

 

we are such different people it is a wonder how we have survived so long with each other, and while i know in my heart that i love him, it still j ust hurts immensely when he is what i consider to be insensitive with his angry tones of voice or impatience.

 

such as yesterday he left me a note referring to "my lazy ass" because i was in "one of my funks" to not want to do anything. i was so very tired because i had not slept good that night before, so i was just sitting at the table and we some how ended up in a stupid arguement and i walked out and when i came home that was the note i found.

 

i am not lazy and i do not get in "funks" anymore then he does when he is such a crab because of work related issues.

 

today i told him if i am to get counseling then he needs desperately to get some stress management help!

 

his reply was that he needs me to help him out more with his business, which i gladly do, but if i don't do it when he wants me to then i am not contritubing, lazy, taking advantage of him, using him, etc etc etc.

 

today i had a job to go to and he wanted me to check his work messages because he was in a hurry.

 

i rarely tell him no because i know what he will s ay to me and think of me and those things are what really hurt me and that is when i want to leave him..

 

i don't know if it is emotinal abuse or control if i don't jump at his command then i catch hell for it and he tells me all the things above, that i am lazy etc...

 

so yeah it seems that i am at his command but it dont matter to him if i am tired or sick feeling or whatever, he just sees it as my not wanting to contribute, which is not true because i do.

 

okay so more info then you wanted but thanks for the eye opining too because you seem to know what i am trying to say but have not been successful at it.

 

thanks

[Dragonflys]

Glad I could help.

 

I hope you do something about your situation!!

 

Oliver

[HokeyReligions]

If all that is there are your clothes then you might as well be in a hotel - it sure doesn't sound like a home.

 

If you absolutly cannot face him to say you are leaving, then leave him a note -- since he was kind enough to leave you one (this last part was meant sarcastically toward HIM not you)

 

Based on the info you gave my own response would probably be to move out while he's gone, but be waiting for him when he got home to face him and tell him that enough is enough and that its obvious neither of you is happy. I'd tell him that in that case, the most fair thing to do would be to go our separate ways, then wish him well, hand him his keys, and walk out the door.

 

That way you both have some kind of closure. I came home once to an empty apartment (I don't mean furniture, etc., but all of his stuff was gone) and it was devastating. He left me a note, but I needed to talk to him and I spent a long time calling everyone until I found him and he said goodbye over the phone. It was at least something. Thankfully, in my case, we were able to work things out, with the help of counseling, and have been together since - that was umteen years ago and we've come a long way since and save our marriage. But I've been thru breakups with guys I dated and I needed the closure - even when I was the one breaking up.