She cheated and broke up... WHAT TO DO???

[bimmmer]

My exgf and I have known each other for over a year. We dated for over 9 months and I thought she was "the one". We often talked about moving in with each other when she graduates highschool in 1 year (she's 16 and I'm 20) and getting married and all that. The past month she has not felt the same when we were together. She would act different and other signs I picked up on. Like she's been spending a few days a week with her "friend", Chris, for homework help and they like to go to the drive-in on Fridays(normally one of my 2-3 nights of the week I can see her when I'm hoem from college, 200 mile drive).

 

I sent her an Email (I lost my cellphone and couldn't call for 5 days) about everything I was suspecting with her and Chris and other things. I came home that weekend for Easter and we spent time together, went out, had sex and all. The next day she gets my Email and blows up saying it's over for good.

 

So the past 2 weeks I've been trying EVERYTHING I can do to win her back over this trialer park kid and sometimes it seemed like I had her back, because we'd make out and mess around some.

 

Last night she called and we talked a little about things. She told me she had sex with him like 5-10 times in the 2 weeks before we broke up and asked for me to forgive her. I had been thinking the whole time about ending it, because she told me earlier that she slept with him after we broke up, but I said I forgave her for that too. I also was tired of trying and getting no where with her.

 

At the end of the 2 hour call she exploded on me when I told her we should end it for now and I want her to be happy with him. She said "I called because I wanted to try to work it out and get back with you, but since you want me gone... I'm done with you forever! Don't call or Email me until I contact you first, then we can see what happens, it may be 2 days or 20 years! --click--".

 

I've actually felt pretty damn good since that call (Don't know why). I'm still very upset, but it's not hurting inside anymore.

 

What should I do about it? I love her with all my heart(or used to). Keep trying, wait for her call, give up, what????? THANKS!

[quankanne]

[color=green]I've actually felt pretty damn good since that call (Don't know why). I'm still very upset, but it's not hurting inside anymore.[/color]

 

I think in your heart of hearts, you know that this relationship is done, over, kaput. while YOU might feel this girl may have been "the one," she's still got a lot of her life to live, being only 16 compared to your 20. Maybe the idea of having an older college-age boyfriend appealed to her romantic nature and that's why she stayed in this relationship with you; maybe you liked having someone to come home to, as well. But four years is a pretty big age gap, especially when you're living your life as an adult and she's got her high school life ahead of her.

 

you ask what you should do about it -- smile and be happy that you had her to love for that period of time, and move on. If you guys connect in a couple of years from now, wonderful. But in the meantime, live your life, don't sit around waiting for her to grow up; she can do that while you're out experiencing life for yourself as a college man.

[bimmmer]

All of that I realize. Everyone said 4 years was a huge gap, especially for the periods in our lives. I was blind to them and didn't listen. I fell HARD for her.

 

I know it is over for now, but she always says it's over, but then crawls back in a day or so, but this time it's been 2 weeks and there has been the other guy.

 

I don't want her after she's all used up, has kids, diseases, etc. We were each other's first everthing.

 

She didn't hold it too sacred either since she slept with this guy.

 

I want her back, but at the same time I knwo it's the best trhing to happen since I met her over a year ago!

 

GOD! I want her or someone to love... loneliness sucks!

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "GOD! I want her or someone to love... loneliness sucks!"

 

Gimmee a break...somebody who writes the above is very confused. So it doesn't really make any difference if it's her...you just want someone to love??? Well, have you considered the "somebody" ought to be the "right somebody???" Maybe she ought to be "somebody" who's a little more loving and loyal to you??? Somebody who's committment to you is stable and dependable???

 

You need a little time to experience loneliness. It's not really bad. Actually, it can be quite refreshing and energizing if you stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take some time to heal, go through the feelings you need to.

 

This is the ABSOLUTE WORST TIME to be out looking for "someone to love," now while you would be on the rebound. Give yourself some down time and then look for somebody at a time when you aren't so needy and your judgement is clear.

 

Good luck!!!

[bimmmer]

Well, I don't just want ANYONE to love, but I went a few years of just seeing girls until I met her. I realized I was missing love in my life. I can't see my life being complete without it right now... or ever.

 

Right now I feel like I just want someone to love, but I wouldn't go out and fall into a relationship just because of it unless I found someone else I really like and think it could work out with.

 

I understand what you're saying and it's mostly right... I guess when it comes down to it.

 

I'm used to her being there for me, when I come home, when I need love, etc... Now it's ALL gone! I've grown dependant on it.

 

I just want her back, but I don't know how to get her back, because I tried everything I could. I wish I could tun back time and fix this before it happened!

[quankanne]

I'm gonna bore you with my personal theory on love, bimmmer: everytime you experience love with someone, it takes you one step closer to the love you are meant to have. Sort of like an exercise in your heart growing a little bit bigger each time you love somebody.

 

I guarantee all this heartfelt emotion you have for this girl seems like the be-all, end-all right now, but in a year or two, after you've fallen in love again, you're going to see that what you had with her is part of your growing experience. And so on and so forth. When you find the girl you are meant to be with, the expectations you have of love and of your relationship is going to be so different than what you first had at 19/20, loving this girl, because it'll be tempered by experience and knowledge.

 

right now, you probably feel safer and more secure with the idea of being with this girl, no matter now flawed that relationship is, simply because you're used to her.

 

Tony's right when he advises you to take a little time for yourself, to heal and to get to know yourself a little better. unless you let yourself grow, you're going to cheat yourself out of something you're meant to have, whether its with this girlf five years down the line or with someone completely new.

[bimmmer]

You are very right on everything you just said.

 

I kind of though something like that, but you spelled it out and it seems right!

 

I was used to her and want her back b/c it would be easier.

 

It's liek the new "Fighter" song by Christina Aguilera... "this will only make me stronger"

[NEONINK]

At least you are experiencing this at 20 and not 39... or 59...

 

I was too scared and fearful of the future, so I clung to the present at 16. Ok, so we married and had a child. I still had to go through what you are feeling now. It was just many years after ending with a divorce because a 19 year old cannot make a decision that will affect the rest of his life. Looking back, I couldn't decide anything at 19, but I sure made vows. Ouch.

 

You will be better and stronger and kinder. And at least you have co-eds to encounter where you are.