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How can you tell if he ever cared?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 16th November 2009, 2:23 PM   #1
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How can you tell if he ever cared?

How could you know if your ex ever cared about you if he always did exactly the things which prove that he cares but he did s**t when you broke up? What are the signs that he cares?
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Old 16th November 2009, 5:16 PM   #2
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What kinds of things did he do for you while you were together?

I always feel the same in a break up -- "if you cared so much, then why are you ripping my heart out??" -- but that's sort of what happens when a relationship ends. He can't still go on doing the same things for you as always -- then you'd still be together.
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Old 16th November 2009, 5:19 PM   #3
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My ex says he still cares about me and needs me (as a friend) he shows it by texting to see how I am, or emailing, offering to bring shopping over if I'm ill, and says he wants to know how I am and to help if he can. And he wants to meet up with me still.
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Old 16th November 2009, 5:43 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by xoxo88 View Post
How could you know if your ex ever cared about you if he always did exactly the things which prove that he cares but he did s**t when you broke up?
I think the mistake is to try to find evidence of "caring" during/after a break-up. They get to not care about us once we're breaking up, and after we've broken up! Break-up = STOP CARING.

If you felt cared for during the relationship, then he (or she) cared for you during the relationship. Period. Trying to look back, and second-guess, and rewrite is just too crazy-making.

If you're trying to be platonic friends AFTER a break-up, then you look for NEW signs and CURRENT-DAY feelings of being cared for like a platonic friend...and for feelings of caring about her (or him) like a platonic friend, in the present.
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Old 16th November 2009, 5:48 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by HeavenOrHell View Post
My ex says he still cares about me and needs me (as a friend) he shows it by texting to see how I am, or emailing, offering to bring shopping over if I'm ill, and says he wants to know how I am and to help if he can. And he wants to meet up with me still.
And how is that making you feel?
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Old 17th November 2009, 3:38 PM   #6
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Yes i did feel cared for, exactly that's the issue. I did feel cared for but he suddenly changed and in less than a week it was all over. I don't know how people can change their feelings so sudden. Oh and he broke up with me in a very lame way. I thought he did this only with the purpose of hurting me, but now that you've said it i realize you are right: he just stopeed caring. It's not great to know that he stopped caring but still it is better than knowing he did it only to hurt me.
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Old 17th November 2009, 3:40 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by xoxo88 View Post
Yes i did feel cared for, exactly that's the issue. I did feel cared for but he suddenly changed and in less than a week it was all over. I don't know how people can change their feelings so sudden. Oh and he broke up with me in a very lame way. I thought he did this only with the purpose of hurting me, but now that you've said it i realize you are right: he just stopeed caring. It's not great to know that he stopped caring but still it is better than knowing he did it only to hurt me.
It's SUPER hard... I was engaged to my boyfriend, and we were together 3.5 years. I KNOW he cared about me, but it's hard to accept that for whatever reason they no longer care enough to be with you, and that they can rip your heart into pieces.

Ya just gotta try to focus on the good memories and the things you learned from being in the relationship, and then think that someone new and even better for you will come along soon!
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Old 17th November 2009, 4:04 PM   #8
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he suddenly changed and in less than a week it was all over. I don't know how people can change their feelings so sudden. Oh and he broke up with me in a very lame way.
Yeah, like you say. The caring CAN stop, for whatever reason, and it can stop suddenly, too. But it does not negate the caring that used to be there; doesn't mean that the caring was never there. (All) humans are capable of caring and then, on very short notice, not caring; that's how we're built.

It sucks when it happens to us, though, and caring is withdrawn without any apparent rhyme or reason. That just is the way life is, sometimes.

Personally, I think individuals who do lame break-ups are basically just cowards. I don't think it has anything to do with the other person, or how much they cared for the other person. I think it is just because they lack courage.

Hugs.
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Old 17th November 2009, 4:57 PM   #9
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Personally, I think individuals who do lame break-ups are basically just cowards. I don't think it has anything to do with the other person, or how much they cared for the other person. I think it is just because they lack courage.
If nothing else, it shows their true colors. If someone really cares about you, and knows how badly something is going to hurt, they suck it up and give you what you deserve: a face to face break, with an explination.

People who are selfish will just do what they need to end it, via email/text/etc, and then they'll just run away and pretend they dont know youre hurting.

You can tell a lot more about people when times are tough than you can when everything is just fine.
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