Is it time to quit? opinions wanted

[dawn2003]

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. It was the best relationship I had ever had (out of 3) and I was almost certain that we'd get married someday because I loved him SOOOO much. (We're both 20) He has all of the qualities that I would want in a husband and we have alot of fun together. So what's the problem?

 

Well about 6 months ago I met a guy who made me question my relationship. I didnt' really have any romantic feelings for him but our intelligence levels were similar and we clicked in that way. I never had that with my boyfriend but thought I could get over it. The new guy made me think twice. Well to make a long story short...we ended up breaking up for a few weeks but got back together because I missed him too much.

 

Things were never the same from that point on. He's always been really insecure and that just made it worse. I also stumbled into a bunch of personal problems which didn't help either. We've pretty much spent the last half year trying to "fix" everything. Sometimes things get better....and sometimes they go back to being not so great. I've gotten to the point where I'm just tired of dealing with everything. He's very sensitive and tends to overreact to things I do and overanalyze things I say.

 

He's a great guy and we get along really well. I'm just not sure if I'm falling out of love with him or if I'm just worn out from all the hard work and his constantly asking me to talk about our relationship. We barely have sex anymore and I just don't feel the same. I don't know if I should give it a break or keep trying or just end it for good. I'm moving at the end of the summer to go to another school about 45 minutes away. I was thinking of just trying to deal with it until then and maybe the distance will help. We'll still be able to see eachother but just not everyday like we do now (we don't live together but we live 2 minutes apart). I guess I'm just asking for opinions from anyone because I don't know who to talk to about this.

 

Thanks you guys

[Tony T]

If a relationship is draining and unfulfilling, it's time to move on. Waiting until you are 45 minutes apart for things to get better is nuts. Things would be better with any two people who don't get along when they're separated like that.

 

The fact that you were attracted to another guy indicates that you are not ready to settle down with your current partner. You may be so used to this relationship that you can't step back and look at the larger picture. You aren't meant to be forever with a guy just because you've dated him for a long time. If it doesn't seem right and you're constantly having to fix things, then the fit just isn't there. Don't feel bad about this. It happens everyday and that's the way it's supposed to happen in cases where two people aren't meant for each other.

 

If you feel you've given it as much of a try as you can and you're still having to work so hard at it, just put the both of you out of your misery and terminate the relationship so you can begin healing now before you move away to school. That way you can begin to clear yourself up emotionally and hopefully find someone with whom you are better matched intellectually, emotionally, etc.

 

We are still in the process of learning here. That's OK. And don't remain with somebody out of guilt. That's really a bad thing and very destructive.

 

Take an inventory of exactly what good things you're getting out of your relationship now, what you don't like about it and what direction it's going. Is it really something you want to continue? Think about it a while before you make your final decision. This 45 minute separation could give you a false sense of improvement. If you can't get it together now, it ain't gonna happen.

 

Couples function together with each other....not 45 minutes apart.

[Ally Boo]

You've got to decide how you feel about him. You've already said you were tired of dealing with it. So why keep beating a dead horse?

[Leikela]

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It is important that we connect with our partners on all levels. You said that the intellectual aspect is lacking with your current boyfriend. From what you stated about the other guy, it appears to me as though you are realizing that you DO need to be on the same page intellectually as your partner. You may not be aware of it consiously now, but your actions and feeling speaks volumes. You are just not in it anymore.

 

Like Tony said, being 45 minutes away isn't going to repair things. I would end it for the time being and reaccess your feelings on the matter. Chalk this up to a learning experience. At least in the future you'll know what you want and need in a partner.

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