My GF of almost 6 years just broke up with me, do I take her back?

[wolfgang]

My GF of almost 6 years broke up with me yesterday. We have been having some problems and she has been telling me she needed some space but I honeslty did not know how to give it her. We have been together since we were 18 and have been inseperable since. We have been best friends and always talked to each other about everything. I have spent that last years devoting myself to her in showing how much I love her and that want to be with her, and have always trying to make her happy with new clothes to make her feel pretty and shoes and all that what not because she is a beautiful girl but has some self-esteem issues. She has a family history of depression and anxiety which this last year has taken a major cause in her unhappiness. Her mother left her father at about her age with two kids and didn't see them for 8 years, so she has had to raise her little sister and is very mature for her age, like a mother figure. I have always told her that she was young and that she needed to have fun and not work all the time. Last november she went into a deep depression where she spend days in the hospital and weeks going to doctors. She wanted me around at all time to help her through this and I did the whole way. Took her shopping and bought her clothes told her how beautiful she was everyday. After a few months she started getting better but instead of being depressed she started working more and more developing an attitude torward me. I became really worried about her and curious because she was not spending near as much time with as she used to, so I started checking her phone to see who she talks to. I eventually slacked up becuase I was pretty certain that she was just working, until one night she got home late from work after bartending a party. She called before she left and told me that she was goin to her dads because she was having a hard time and needed to be by herself. I was curious and suspicious at first but eventually just let her do her thing. The next day she brought me breakfast and I thought everything was ok. I found out that she had used her dads cell to call a married man at 230 in the morning til almost 5 in mornin. I was devasted and extremely mad and initially she lied about it and then got mad me because I was being nosey. She assured me that it was about work stress and about our relationship and everything he said was good advice for me. Then a couple of weeks later they started texting, I was not happy about it at all. One day I was playing in a golf tournament while she was running the beverage cart. I just happen to check her phone online to see they had already sent each other about 30 messages. I immediatley got mad and asked what it was about and she said nothing really, just about the tournament and work. When I went inside to see her I asked for her phone and she had already deleted everyone of them. She laughed and said she was proving a point and I was just gonna have to trust her. I don't think she is cheating and that maybe she just need someone to talk to since her whole family had problems of their own. I tried my best getting over it and realize that she has better morals than that and would never do anything like that to me, but when he texted when I was around she wouldn't reply. She said it was cause she really didnt talk to him that much but almost everytime I went to see her at work he was there and they were talking. She broke up with me last week telling me that she wanted to be single and just hang out with her friends and work on herself for a while. I didn't even know how to take it and didn't really believe her because we had only gotten in a small fuss. She had tried to breakup with me weeks before but I begged her back and told her things were getting better. After hanging up on me she not answer or reply my texts. The only way I talked to her for the first week is if I went and saw her which always ended bad because she would end up crying and telling me I make her a nervous wreck. I know she has emotional problems and her not being in school and feeling as though she is not doing anything in her life makes her sad. She is trying to get back in school next semester and I feel like this will make her happy but she says she needs to be alone for a while until she is happy with herself again. Im ok with her doing that and worrying about herself, but in our first week seperated she managed to stay at work with a couple of co-workers til 3 in the mornin, then on friday she went to college town with her new slutty friend, that we used to make fun of and she even said she was a fake person and didn't like her and now she wants to hang out with her, and stayed at the bars til 4 in the mornin. We have never gone to a bar and have never been interested to, she does not like the atmosphere but this night she wanted to. She still didn't reply my texts and the only way I found out she was goin because I just showed up at her house and she told me. I encouraged her to have fun and enjoy herself but inside I was really worried about her intentions. When I woke up I checked online and saw she recieved two messages from a dude. I got my friend to call the number and found out they had been talking about our relationship for little bit. He said she rejected him and told him that she has a boyfriend which made me feel good but he sent her a text told her that I called. Of course, she got extremely mad but I was mad because she gave him her number. She said that he was ugly and that she was gonna give him a fake number and managed to say the first 6 digits right and her cousin blerted out the rest. She never replied which made me ok about the situation. A couple of days later I went over house because she had about 50 messages from another crazy number. She said that he had came to her work with a member and asked for hers but she wouldn't give it to him, instead she got his. I didn't even know why she stored it to begin with, and she said she wasn't gonna call him that he got on her nerves but later said she might just like to catch up with him one day. She told me that the messages were sent by her sister and that she was at work til 230 in mornin, which I can believe because she does use her phone and she knows the guy too. She has never really lied to me and I trust with everything I got, its just lately just has been acting distant and a bit shady at times. It just makes me curious and now I feel like she is making me crazy. I have never checked on someone so much in my life, I just wanna know what her intentions are. She says that she just really wants to hang with her friends and by herself for a while. She says that she is not interested into talking to any guys and needed to be happy with herself before she can make anybody happy, but she managed to give her number and get a number in one week away from me. The first I week I did not give her space because I desperately wanted to know why I couldn't just come home. Then yesterday she got a new phone and even used my money to get it. I went over her house again and I told her I didn't even want her new number because she didn't want me to know who she was talking to. Of course she said she didn't want anybody checking on her and I said that when I trusted what she was doing I would quit but no luck. I don't understand the problem, she used to check my phone everyday but I really didn't care and I feel like she is hiding her true intentions. I havent seen her in two days and don't even have her number, but I feel like she should have given it to me anyways. Now I have no idea who she is talkin to and its kiling me inisde. I know she plans on hanging out with her old guy friends and prolly gonna go back to bar with her new slutty friend. I am so afraid that is gonna be influenced and hook up with someone and I never find out. I trust her but she is hanging out with some bad influences and I know that she doesn't have that many friends and she'll prolly hang out with anyone right now but I still don't like it. I know she has emontional problems and things are hard for her right now but I have always been supportive to her and helped her through hard times but how can she do this with out me? She has completely cut me out of her life and I don't now to get it back. The last time I talked to her I got her to agree to a break and we would go weeks with out speaking and see how things go but I feel like I pressured her into the break to satisfy myself in knowing she is not hooking up but she still managed to say that we were no longer together. She says that she has no idea when she would be ready and it wasn't fair for me to wait, but I want to be with her at all cost. I don't even know if she plans on calling me or talking to me again. We were best friends for so long and now she doesn't even want to see me and said that I am making her sick at her stomach with stress. How does she just expect me to leave her alone all of a sudden, and I feel like she is honeslty just trying to get over me. I am in soo much pain and confused on whether I should honeslty give it a couple of weeks or just try moving on now and I don't know how to do that. I have plenty of friends that are support and my family is to, but they are encouraging me to end it and just get over her, they say she will always have these problems and could happen again but I don't care I just want to be with her and be her shoulder. Does she plan on coming back or do I need to move on. Any outside suggestions will help, I have been reading this website for 2 days looking for similiar stories and decided to seek help myself. I am a fun outgoing guy who gets along with everyone and have never really been depressed and I don't know how to handle it. I can not continue to think about her going home with someone at the bar and me never find out and take her back. If she says thats not her intentions I believe her but I just don't know anymore. She is amazing and makes me happy even when were arguing over dumb stuff. She is so smart and deserves to be happy and I want to be apart of her life and don't know how to do that. Im gonna try NC but im scared she has no plans on calling at all. Someone please give some good advice. We have been in a serious relationship for so long and have talked about marriage kids and all that good stuff but both agreed to wait til we were done with college, now she has all of a sudden changed her mind. Please tell me how to rid this pain and stop thinking about her.

[JaggedRoad]

She wants to be "alone" with her guy friend.

[GrayClouds]

Read the following:

 

So you want a second chance?

 

Remember it will be her actions not her words that shows her sincerity.

[caseymw25]

wow i think you and me are in a somewhat similar situation, i have been with my guy for 6 years and a baby now, i fought with him pushed him away kicked him out, and now he said i had pushed his feelings away, he broke up with me 2 months ago. i went through our phone bills and found out hes been talking to another girl and she gave him oral. blah blah ugh! but still he says i can wait for him. because he still loves me and he doesnt want a relationship right now. so i guess thats what im going to do is wait until he decides he wants me back. honestly the pain is tough especially when you have thoughts such as ours of them being with someone else after 6 years! wondering what the hell they are doing and what not. im not one to give good advice right now becuase im doing everything wrong. but i say anyways for you to just go NC as of now just for a little while. she will if she is smart eventually realize what she is missing, maybe realize she made a huge mistake. as other people have told me. give them time to miss you! if she says you are stressing her out and shes needing to work on herself then let her.

 

its hard as hell to do. i try to go one day of nc and i cant. advice if you want to just get over her.

 

go out with your friends

take up a hobby, like working out or something. anything to get your mind off of her, eventually over time you will feel better. but it takes time. i wish stuff like mending a broken heart worked over night but it doesnt there is no time limit on it, and its hard for me because we spend time together still, and we have our baby. so im just going to wait this one out.

 

you on the other hand sound like a wonderful man, and you need to give yourself some time to relax. like i said its hard but we can get through this!! if you want to read some advice on my post its the one titled

when does the pain go away, cant stop doing the wrong things.

or 6 years and a baby.

 

some of the advice on there from the wonderful people on these forums helped me alot and it might you to!! but you have to dicipline yourself. im bad at this. so i just made a journal of my dumbness.

[NopeNah]

My opinion... Once they ask for "space"...give them all the space in the world without you in it! Fall off the face of the planet!Vanish..Do NOT be there for them! Be done/dead with them..

[edward-e]

personally i think you need to leave her alone. obviously she doesnt want anything to do with you right now. the point of NC is so that either A they miss you and it makes em miss all the things they love about you or B they dont message u at all and its easier to just move on. sitting there begging her and pushing her and questioning her will do nothing but make her think you dont trust her and feel like you arent sensitive towards her needs anyways. PLUS i think you yourself have trust issues...no matter what you say about how you "trust" her, you dont really trust her if youre checking all her emails and texts and checking up on her ALL the time.

[adamt]

Firstly, you need to use paragraphs so it is easier to read and then you wil get more replies.

 

When someone wants space it is usually the begining of the end. They are trying to let you down easily and dont have the guts to break up properly. they hope you drift away and suss out it is over on your own. Sounds like she is into this other dude and dont be surprised if stuff has been goiung on behind you back.

 

I am sorry to be blunt, but it is the best way in the long run. what you need to do is cut all contact, leave her be and hope she realises you are better than this other dude. meanwhile think how you wil begin to move on just incase she doesnt come back. then begin to do it

[Notsogood]

personally i think you need to leave her alone. obviously she doesnt want anything to do with you right now. the point of NC is so that either A they miss you and it makes em miss all the things they love about you or B they dont message u at all and its easier to just move on. sitting there begging her and pushing her and questioning her will do nothing but make her think you dont trust her and feel like you arent sensitive towards her needs anyways. PLUS i think you yourself have trust issues...no matter what you say about how you "trust" her, you dont really trust her if youre checking all her emails and texts and checking up on her ALL the time.

 

Could not agree more with edward. You are in a very emotional state right now and what you need is to hear the truth, so i will speak very bluntly. What you are doing is stalking her. You need to back off right away, don't check her phone, don't call, don't text. You are not going to accomplish anything by going the way you are now, except cause more pain for yourself and destroy all chnace of ever getting back with her (if thats what you want).

 

You need to let her do her own thing (which is why she wants a 'break' from you in the first place), and nothing will stop her. You can cut off her phone, and she'll just get a new one, which she has. You can beg and plead, and u might get a second chance, but that will solely be based on sympathy for you and it will not last, which you have already experienced. The wheels have already been set in motion and there in nothing you can do to change anything, except make it worse. As long as you have told her how you feel, there is nothing left to say and do but get on with your life.

 

Bottom line is YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU.

 

We have all been in your shoes and I know it is very hard, but one day when you are in a clearer headspace, you will look back and laugh at how pathetic you were. Thats what keeps me on NC. I pleaded and begged with my ex (5.5 year relationship) and thew all dignity and self respect out of the window. Looking back now as how pathetic I was, I just get angry and dissappointed in myself and have promised myself to NEVER put myself in that situation again. You will too one day.

[edward-e]

yeah notsogood gets the drift. me and my ex split 6 months ago and for the first couple months i was going ZOMG i miss her. i left it behind started doing things like working out and doin all the fun things i wasnt doing when i was with her and BAM outta the blue 2 weeks ago she calls me crying saying she misses me more than anything and how she hates not having me in her life and blah blah. all i text her back was....if u miss me that much you know what to do. if not goodbye. and honestly our mutual friends are saying how sad she is without me and how horrible she feels and how she misses me. SHE will feel bad in the end for losing something so great all because she was selfish. YOU on the otherhand have the option of saying hey its your loss and making yourself happy and not relying on someone else....DO IT!