Should we be over for good or give it another try? Suggestions?

[Missy Love]

So my ex-boyfriend (if that's what you would even call him) and I have been in limbo of some sort for the past year. We are both fresh out of college. We dated for 2 years, and about a year ago he initiated a break from me. This was due to immaturity, overexposure, and selfishness on both parts. In his words, "We both needed some time to heal." He didn't see anyone else, but I was absolutely devastated. I started to question if I could feel really secure with him or not. Towards the end, I thought he was mean to me, and it felt like a lot of things were on his terms. Aside from us fighting, I know in my heart that he is an amazing person, and I think we both let some childish behaviors get in the way. Well after a few months of the break, he realized that he wanted to be with me. He said that he would do what it takes to make it work. I haven't committed to him yet. It's sort of been like we're together, but we're not. I haven't been seeing anyone else either at all, but the reason why I haven't committed is because.

A.) All of my friends think he is terrible now, and they would be so disgusted with me if I went back to him. They would think I was horribly foolish. Sometimes I hide the fact to my friends that I still talk to him. I don't think they get it.

B.) I'm not sure if anything has changed, how do I know that the same things won't happen again?

C.) I'm not sure if I do feel secure with him. I don't want to just a beat a dead horse and waste time if he's not right for me. They say when you know, you know.

D.) Once I do commit to him and I'm in it, I don't let myself love him like I used to.

E.) I know we didn't bring out the best in each other, and he especially brought me down.

 

He is getting to the point where he wants to either be together and committed or not speaking to each other again. It makes it seems like such a challenging decision because he says if I don't make up my mind soon one way or the other he will give up on the whole thing and never speak to me. I feel so much pressure to make the decision right now. I don't like alienating people. I wish we could just remain friends, take it slow, maybe date some other people, and then if after sometime realize we're what we want, be together and 100% committed. He says it can't be like that, and if that's what I want to do, he says there will be no turning back, and he will delete me on facebook, and delete my phone number, he wants no form of contact whatsoever. Some of my friends think that is a form of manipulation, do you agree? I don't think it is. He says it's because it is the only way he could move on with his life, otherwise he will always want to be with me.

 

Now why I haven't cut things off is:

A. He has been my best friend and there for me through thick and thin.

B. Aside of what my friends think, I know in my heart he is a good person. No one is perfect, and while he wasn't the nicest person to me, I know it takes two to tango.

C. What if this time is different?

D. The "dream guy" doesn't exist. My friends think I am settling for him. However, I would never even question myself if I knew I didn't want to be with someone.

E. Maybe right now he has some things to work on, but I think with time he'll mature into the man he wants to be.

 

I know that I don't want him alienated in my life. However, I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to him because of what I stated above. I just feel so unsure of the whole thing and guarded. I love him, and I am so scared that one day he is just going to quit answering my calls and have given up on me. I felt horrible and absolutely crushed when he left me for a break the first time, I really don't think that I could handle it again without having an emotional breakdown. Also, he does things that I didn't like. I don't think he is good with money, and another thing that bothered me, was I never felt involved with his life, at least to the point that I wanted to be. I never felt a part of his friends or a part of his family. He would go out and do things with his friends and sometimes I wasn't allowed to go. He says he is reaching that point where he just wants to be done with the whole thing. With him it's a now or never type thing, and he says that's because he has given me plenty of time to decide if he's what I want.

 

I still don't know, but I feel so much pressure to make the right decision because otherwise there is no turning back.

 

Suggestions on what I should do, and how can I make this decision??

[patkirk]

How well do your friends know him? apart from what you've told them? friends can be dangerous sometimes especially female friends as they might not be giving you the best advice unless they really know this guy. Go with your heart on this one, he's right for wanting you to make up your might fast, it's the advice people get here all the time, being wishy washy is pretty much feeding him breadcrumbs and wouldn't be fair. Take some good time and think it over, maybe a weekend or so. Don't base your decision on what your friends say, at the end of the day, it will be your experience not theirs. Their main concern should be that you're happy and that's it. During your time of thought, you should also think about things that need to be changed in order for the relationship to work and make sure you talk to him about it. If you decide not to get back together, you should respect his wishes to go NC, if you care about him then you'd respect the fact that he would need time to get over you, who knows, maybe in the future you might be friends again but at the moment NC would have to suffice for you and him.

[It's Me]

So my ex-boyfriend (if that's what you would even call him) and I have been in limbo of some sort for the past year. We are both fresh out of college. We dated for 2 years, and about a year ago he initiated a break from me. This was due to immaturity, overexposure, and selfishness on both parts. In his words, "We both needed some time to heal." He didn't see anyone else, but I was absolutely devastated. I started to question if I could feel really secure with him or not. Towards the end, I thought he was mean to me, and it felt like a lot of things were on his terms. Aside from us fighting, I know in my heart that he is an amazing person, and I think we both let some childish behaviors get in the way. Well after a few months of the break, he realized that he wanted to be with me. He said that he would do what it takes to make it work. I haven't committed to him yet. It's sort of been like we're together, but we're not. I haven't been seeing anyone else either at all, but the reason why I haven't committed is because.

A.) All of my friends think he is terrible now, and they would be so disgusted with me if I went back to him. They would think I was horribly foolish. Sometimes I hide the fact to my friends that I still talk to him. I don't think they get it.

B.) I'm not sure if anything has changed, how do I know that the same things won't happen again?

C.) I'm not sure if I do feel secure with him. I don't want to just a beat a dead horse and waste time if he's not right for me. They say when you know, you know.

D.) Once I do commit to him and I'm in it, I don't let myself love him like I used to.

E.) I know we didn't bring out the best in each other, and he especially brought me down.

 

He is getting to the point where he wants to either be together and committed or not speaking to each other again. It makes it seems like such a challenging decision because he says if I don't make up my mind soon one way or the other he will give up on the whole thing and never speak to me. I feel so much pressure to make the decision right now. I don't like alienating people. I wish we could just remain friends, take it slow, maybe date some other people, and then if after sometime realize we're what we want, be together and 100% committed. He says it can't be like that, and if that's what I want to do, he says there will be no turning back, and he will delete me on facebook, and delete my phone number, he wants no form of contact whatsoever. Some of my friends think that is a form of manipulation, do you agree? I don't think it is. He says it's because it is the only way he could move on with his life, otherwise he will always want to be with me.

 

Now why I haven't cut things off is:

A. He has been my best friend and there for me through thick and thin.

B. Aside of what my friends think, I know in my heart he is a good person. No one is perfect, and while he wasn't the nicest person to me, I know it takes two to tango.

C. What if this time is different?

D. The "dream guy" doesn't exist. My friends think I am settling for him. However, I would never even question myself if I knew I didn't want to be with someone.

E. Maybe right now he has some things to work on, but I think with time he'll mature into the man he wants to be.

 

I know that I don't want him alienated in my life. However, I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to him because of what I stated above. I just feel so unsure of the whole thing and guarded. I love him, and I am so scared that one day he is just going to quit answering my calls and have given up on me. I felt horrible and absolutely crushed when he left me for a break the first time, I really don't think that I could handle it again without having an emotional breakdown. Also, he does things that I didn't like. I don't think he is good with money, and another thing that bothered me, was I never felt involved with his life, at least to the point that I wanted to be. I never felt a part of his friends or a part of his family. He would go out and do things with his friends and sometimes I wasn't allowed to go. He says he is reaching that point where he just wants to be done with the whole thing. With him it's a now or never type thing, and he says that's because he has given me plenty of time to decide if he's what I want.

 

I still don't know, but I feel so much pressure to make the right decision because otherwise there is no turning back.

 

Suggestions on what I should do, and how can I make this decision??

I was being lead on recently by my ex from 7 years ago. She gave me every hint she wanted to get back together.

 

About a year ago she found out I was seeing someone and even asked me "So when do I get my second chance with the perfect guy"? I don't know about you but I think that's one hell of a hint:p. Of course there are many other hints. So I just saud F it and I layed it out on the line then she all of a sudden tells me she has no feelings for me other than being friends and never has. Although the day before she said she did but then it passed. When I asked her about the hints she denied ever leaving any.

 

My point is that many women play games. So I made the choice to say goodbye to her and never talk to her again. I know I can't be friends with her. Especially after all the games.

 

Your ex is probably in a somewhat similar mind state where he just wants answers and to move on with life with or without you. It's nothing personal but he knows he won't commit to anyone else while you and him have thins little fling going. He wants commitment or to move on and find someone new.

 

Make your choice depending on what you want and not to just accomidate him. It's not fair to him to play games(if you are) or to string him along.

 

If you wanna give it another go then go for it and give 100%. If not then move on and let him out of your life.

 

Hope I helped.