He ended the relationship and I ended the "friendship" to NC

[Jordanjames]

So it's been about two months since I last spoke to him and tommorow it will be exactly one year since we officially ended the relationship. He ended the "romantic relationship" last September and I ended the friendship in June of this year. I decided to tell him tough when he called me after Gay Pride weekend in June that I told him that I just wanted to move on with my life. And it has been no contact for two months.

 

It basically went like this:

 

For seven long years I was "friends" with a guy until we went beyond being friends and had a relationship last year it did not work out.

 

I tried to do the whole "be his friend" thing but it was just too hard. I kept on wondering "what is he doing with other guys?" I was driving myself mad. I realized the reason I wasn't getting over this person was because I was constantly around him. I needed to break free from him.

 

I felt like I was going in circles and I tried no contact before only to contact him within a month's time and nothing changed.

 

It seemed to me that he was just inflating his ego letting me know "we are not in a relationship" and "you are just upset I did not call you."

 

After I saw him in early June I just started to think more critically about things. I decided I had to be honest with myself.

 

I wanted more then I friendship he didn't and although we knew each other for seven years. I just decided at the end of June I had

 

to end it completely going no contact.

 

I just had to tell myself to get out of this denial he doesn't want a romantic relationship with me. So I just told myself it's probably

 

best I end the friendship with him. It was just too hard to be around him.

 

His birthday was in May and then I did not hear from him in a month.

 

So in June this year I decided to contact him to see how he was doing.

 

When I saw him in June all we did was fight. I actually noticed how messed up he was. He took me to this pot bar where people were just smoking a lot of weed. He was smoking out of some bag of weed. He told me he was doing poorly in university.

 

At the end of June of this year I just told him "I have to be honest with my feelings and I can't be your friend anymore. You are a good person but I just can't continue to do this."

 

I let him know that I had deleted him and all his friends from my Facebook page. I said I had to do this to maintain my sanity.

 

I told him to call his cell phone company and block my cell phone number and home phone number. I deleted him and his friends from my facebook page. My cell phone company Virgin can't block people so I told him call his cell phone company and block me. If Virgin allowed me to block him I definitely would of done it.

 

He said "there are other ways you can contact me."

I said "I don't want to contact you I want to move on."

He said "if it's space what you need I can give you space."

I said "No I just want to move on with my life."

 

He appeared shocked and very angry at me he said "this sounds permanent" I didn't answer. He said "is there anything else you want to say?" He continued "I can't believe you are saying this?"

 

I said "I want to move on with my life."

 

He said "fine I get it you are dumping me as your friend". He sounded very upset and hanged up on me. I have not talked to him since.

 

I have mixed feelings to be honest. I know I cannot contact him because it will go nowhere. I wonder why do I still miss him? Why did I love him?

 

But then I tell myself I deserve better. He had this thing where he would buy me gifts even though it wasn't my birthday. Now the gifts he gave me certainly weren't big gifts just T shirts and comic books.

 

He introduced me to his friends last year and he seemed to want me to get to know them. We are different cultures he's Indian and I'm not. I guess I thought I was "special" I know this sounds corny but that's how I felt.

 

I feel for this guy hard but I realize the truth is we have no future together. It sucks because before we got involved he was a very good friend but not so great a boyfriend.

 

I just tell myself it's been two months longer then last time and I will meet someone else eventually. Right now I'm just focusing on myself.

 

I will admit I do wonder "what" he's doing or "up to". But then I tell myself

 

forget about him and "continue" to focus on myself. It's hard but it is getting easier.

 

I'm starting group therapy next week, and I am also going to buy some self help books I just wish I could forget him completely and erase him from my mind.

[Tayla]

Its your choice and your life as you will soon come to terms with. My only concern for you is that you want to erase something that was an experience to learn from. Seems odd at best. You have an opportunity to grow from this situation yet chose to turn your back on it and forget it ever happened? Sure some folks CAN do that and think nothing of the role they played in the fiasco. I personally think you are on the right track to seek assistance and read up on ways to improve yourself. If it helps any though, realize it wasnt all you that created the end result. This other person could use a dose of reality too.

[Jordanjames]

You make some good points. I guess I do "blame" myself for it not working out. But he had his own issues too. He's Indian and in his culture he has to have an arranged marriage and his parents have to live with him and his bride. His parents are very strict.

 

He says he will stand up to his parents but I don't know about that.

 

I realize that it was a tough situation for him.

 

I guess when I say "erase" him from my mind I was thinking about "erasing" the pain and the memories.

 

I will admit I thought that "thinking" about the experience is a sign of weakness I suppose.

 

I thought to be "strong" means to really push the memories out of the mind.

 

But after reading your comment it does make sense that it was an "experience" and I can learn from this "experience."

 

I definitely admit I had fallen in love with him.

 

I honestly loved him very much. But I also realized I have to make myself happy too. And the situation wasn't right for me I was

 

becoming depressed and very unhappy being around him wondering what he was doing.

 

I realized a "frienship" is a compromise and I am unwilling to "compromise" my feelings anymore. Because just being "friends" with him wasn't enough for me. And so I moved on.

 

Sometimes the memories flood my mind. For instance, we used to talk late into the night and he helped me fall asleep. We had some good times together and some bad times together.

 

I definitely feel that I am on the right track. Although I do miss him I won't lie. But I feel the decision I made in June was the right one for me.

 

I realize the only way for me to get over someone is to not be around that person.

 

I have a tendency to "fall" for a guy and immerse myself into his life and lose myself in the process. I am learning from this. In the past year I have discovered that it is important for me to have my own life. I am finally meeting new people. I depended on him too much emotionally until the end of last year. I realized the only person that's going to make me happy is me.

[Goatsbreath]

Hey, your story hits home for me. Pretty much the same situation here. She left me in december 2008 and then we started hanging out as friends when she got tired of the new guy. This was about in may/june 2009. We were friends for 10 years before and relationship for about 2 years. So we hang out, had sex like twice. She was clear she wanted friends and sort of backed away from sex after we had it twice stating she didn't want to make anything unclear. Obviously I still had feelings for her and she just wanted to know she still had this control over me. So about 2 weeks ago she tells me she met someone and is interested.

I knew it would be coming, I knew It would hurt, and I knew I would probably react in a negative way. I told her basically, the same thing, I need to move on. It's really not realistic for me to be your friend. I'm not going to inquire about your relationship and be happy for you. Instead I want it to fail miserably. I can't stand to watch as you swoon over another boy so I told her so along with a bunch of stuff and then hung up the phone

I have not heard from her so I guess shes good with that. Its been 2 weeks I imagine. I'm not keeping days like I was when we first broke up.

I really think this is the only way. We need to move on without them in our life. I think also it has delayed my progress in recovering from the break. Some day its hard but I know the alternative is harder.........I cant watch her in another relationship. Its like peeling the scab off every time it starts to harden.

blah........im tired

[Jordanjames]

I think you made the right decision in your situation. It is is true it is definitely harder to get over someone if you are constantly "around" that person.

 

It is better to just "move on" with life.