LonelyGal Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Well I dont know exactly where to start, But I have been reading alot of threads! I am starting to feel like I know afew of you just from reading and keeping up with your threads! Well I have been broke up with my ex now for 8 months, And I know its so easy for alot of ppl to say, You'll get thou it, Or theres alot more fish in the sea! Well I guess I just am looking for some friendships and ppl that actually know how it feels to go thou a separation, divorce, break up! Well just alil about what went wrong in my relationship, I am a mother of 2 and he is a father of 2 and than we have 1 together! Well we tried to blend the families together, But his daughter was just so jealous from the beginning, that I should of known it wasnt going to work. But things ended up not working cause he would never want to correct or get mad at her when she was in the wrong, and she knew that she could get away with it. But one day she started fighting with my daughter, attacking her and hitting her, and my daughter is 10 his daughter is 13. And I went and told them both that this wasnt going to happen, cause we all needed to get along. And well it turned his daughter started yelling bad things at me, and I just told her to stay in her room until her dad came home. And well when he arrived she told him a different story, and in the end the next day, He took his kids went to a motel called his sister to come get his older kids, and said he was moving out. But 3 days before this happened. This man told me he was ready to settle down and I was the woman of his dreams, and wanted to get married! I guess what breaks my heart is not only did I love the man, But how can you say you want to marry someone and than walk away?? And also it was no big thing for him to walk away from our child we have together. And for the first few months, I had a hard time with my son cause he would cry for his dad. And that would break my heart. But than after not talking for a month. He decides to call me and lead me on. And than I decided I needed to see somebody about this, So I started seeing a therpist, well she thought no contact would be best. well I tried to explain to him nicely that we couldnt be doing this anymore. And he just blew at me. So it continued for afew months where he would call on his own, when he wasnt busy with his going out! But its been almost 2 months now with no contact. And it still hurts so bad, I feel like I am getting over it, and than I get knocked back down. And feel like i have to start all over again. But it hasnt seemed to bother him any, And I guess I am rambling on and on here, But I had to get brave enough to even type a thread! lol I finally got the courage so here I am, so it is my first thread so I might of messed up, but if any questions just ask? And I am just looking to find friendship and maybe get post about ppl that actually been thou this and how they are getting over it?! Cause I sure cant seem too! Link to post Share on other sites
singledad2 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I understand you starting and stopping the pain over and over again. The wound is never getting closed. There are so many things that are going to keep it open. You are bound together through the child forever. What you need to decide is if the treatment you have gotten is good for them and yourself or can you start leading a healthy life without him involved. You have to be taking care of your so you can take care of the kids. I am struggling with the same thing because my wife will always be on my mind with these beautiful kids and some of the struggles we had to even have them. Meanwhile she is running around un-encumbered and playing games with our hearts. "I'm coming back" ---No, I am not". And the cycle starts over again.....and again. What is your plan to move forward? Get that checklist out of things to take care of for YOUR life and start getting busy with it. Quit letting him use you when he is bored. You deserve better, and so do I and my kids. Link to post Share on other sites
icyness Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Very well said Singledad. I'm so sorry LG. You sound as if you're holding up as best you can, it hurts. With kinds involved, it makes it that much harder, you deserve so much more than this. The back and forth of feeling okay one minute then back at square one the next is exhausting. Take it one day at a time and know you're not alone; I wish I could take my own advice because it has to get better like everyone else says. Even though I don't feel it at the moment, it will, as it will for you too. Stay strong and remember to post whenever! It really does help to get it out. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
moo Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I am so sorry that you are in pain. It's hard when a partner gives up so easily, esp. when you have children together. I think going to see a therapist is a really good thing to do. You have to stay strong for your child and make some kind of arrangement so that he can be a father to the child you share, if he is willing. You don't even have to be there when he picks him up...you can get a friend be there instead. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 So, he hasn't even contacted you about your son in two months? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGal Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 Thanks all! No he hasnt he drives by and if my son is outside he honks his hirn, and I have asked him not to do that, cause than my son gets all upset again. And hes to young to understand why his dad isnt here, And he goes and runs around all weekend, and than come Sunday he would call and ask how our son is. Well thats how it was, Until I asked him to just leave him alone, cause he would tell him he would come pick him up for a ride, and wouldnt show up, so I tried to be nice about it, and explain that he might only be 3 years old, but he knows enough to watch for him and ask why isnt my dad here yet! Its sad, but I think everytime i start feeling better about life, than when he goes by and honks at him, Than I see my son hurt and crying, it makes me upset. And than I am back to square one again, I get angry, than I am in denial that I want him back, and than I hate, and than I think ok I am going to on with my life and just try and be strong, well its just a crazy mess, And I wish we or any of us didnt have to go thou this, But I guess its part of life, But I just keep trying to stay busy, and than he will call, and leave messages, and its like make up your mind~ But I am glad I had some responses I didnt think anyone would be interested. But I am glad someone is here to talk to or let some of what I am holding in out! Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Wow. I can't believe he would do that to your son. Your ex does not sound like a decent person at all. My heart breaks for your son. Please protect him if you can; I'm no expert, but maybe it would be best never to get his hopes up about his dad visiting? Are you getting enough support from friends/family? What are your options to deal with this? If you go No Contact and move or something, will he try to get some sort of custody? When you post again, try breaking it up into paragraphs. It will make it easier for everyone to read. Link to post Share on other sites
singledad2 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Thanks all! No he hasnt he drives by and if my son is outside he honks his hirn, and I have asked him not to do that, cause than my son gets all upset again. OMG! In my humble opinion, this could turn into a LEGAL issue for the welfare of your son. His contact with the son may need to be controlled. You may need to seek the advice of an attorney to see if there is an injunction to keep him from this unhealthy behavior. I know it sounds ugly, but I am having to take similar steps to keep my wife from inappropriate interaction with the kids until and enough counseling has occurred to see where her heart is and if her mental state stabalizes. The safety and welfare of he kids is first and foremost. Not to mention the possibility that your son get TAKEN from you, with no legal protection. Please put it on your checklist of things to do to take care of yourself. Please don't let him CONTROL you like this, and this is exactly what he is doing, trying to maintain CONTROL over you and your son, not so much caring for you, which is what YOU need to do. I know your heart (like mine) wants the best for the child, but maybe the best for the child is not to be involved with the estranged parent. He sounds like he has some issues and removing the peace from you and your son's lives is removing the power and ability to focus on what the man upstairs has planned for you. If you want to move forward without this man, which I think you know he is not treating you fairly, run this legal stuff by your advisor and see if it make sense. If you want to move forward WITh this man then you need to have some fair framework to work within that is healthy for all involved, not just at his control. I pray for PEACE for you and your family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGal Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 Thanks! Yes I know deep down that its not going to work, And that he will never ever be able to take care my son. But yet he just does it to make me mad, And hes to dumb to realize that its hurting my son, more than anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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