Littlemadam Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hi guys, I really need some help, I know there is no miracle cure, but I am so scared and gutless I dont know what to do or how to find the strength to do it. Me and my OH have been together 5 years, we are engaged and due to get married next year (most of deposits for things have been paid for the wedding incl honeymoon). We argue non stop. Today for instance we were due to go for a bike ride. All I thought was well and good until he said I was being obnoxious. I had no idea and was trying to get things sorted. Well he has gone off without me and saw I was upset and didnt care. My sex drive is non existent. Last night we tried, my head was not in the right place (I think I have got female sexual dysfunction due to being on the injection). Anyway, when I tried to be honest with him this morning I was met with one word answers. No understanding, no trying to help get it sorted. We were in France last week and that ended in the hugest row, I cant even remember what it was about. But he punishes me, he acts like he hates me and I really want to get out now. I am so scared, I dont know how to get out, the flat is mine, but I just havent got the guts to leave and although we argue all the time I do still love him but maybe do not show it enough, and he doesnt show me. I really miss being intimate and I do miss sex, my head just wont let me and I think this is due to our bad relationship. How can I get out without going back on my word? How sad is this I have no friends, the only person is my brother, whom means the world to me and I cant upset him anymore as one argument I went to him with and he was in tears upset. I cant do that to him again. I am a sad pathetic case with no guts to leave this toxic relationship and have nowhere to turn. And I cant stop loving him If anyone can help I would really appreciate it. Thanks xxx Link to post Share on other sites
greenparrot Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 sorry to hear this, but at least you still have a shot. You have to tell him how you feel, try and work it out. sit down and talk to him, you can work it out, Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 If you have not sat down with him and told him everything that you just told us, you should try. You absolutely have to get some of this out in the open. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Firstly, carry on as it is and you will eventually break up. Please sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel, just be honest and straight with him. Be firm and dont give him any hope of staying together if you want to finish it if he doesnt change. In the long run it will be better. My ex was unhappy for a while but let things drag on nd kept it bottled up. I was totally unaware at the time. When we split up she wished we had talked sooner about our feelings. But by the time she split up, it was too late for me to fix things. Link to post Share on other sites
JL911 Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 You can go to counseling together if you want to make it work...TALK do not let the communication break down be the reason for another batch of heartache... Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Hugs, LM. You're right that this is a toxic relationship...for both of you. If your partner is not recognizing that fact, then he may not be all that keen on the idea of couples' counseling. In which case, make the appointment yourself, tell him you are going with or without him but, if he wants the counselor to hear his side, then he is welcome to join you. And then go, with or without him. I'd suspect that if you just tried talking to him on your own, without an unbiased, skilled 3rd party present, you will hit a brick wall much sooner than later -- by the sound of things, you two have stopped being able respectfully and effectively communicate with each other. You do need to do something active and constructive to change the current dynamics; how you two are seeing, treating and relating to each other. Or, to find the courage, confidence and will to get out of this soul-sucking (for both of you) situation. In either case, a professional will likely be able to offer you the guidance and support necessary. You could check the MarriageBuilders.com website -- particularly the Emotional Needs and LoveBusters questionnaires. A couple of books that may prove useful: 'Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love' by Dr. Sue Johnson, and 'How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It' by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny. You BOTH deserve better than what you're currently giving to, and receiving from, each other. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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