I handled everything all wrong

[Yukon8e2]

Ugh...here goes nothing. I warn you, this is a long post. I'm sorry.

 

This is the worst I ever felt in my entire life. I was in high school when I met this girl. BAM I almost instantly fell in love. Seriously it was love at first sight for me. I didn't even know her and I'm not the type of guy to just go up to a random girl and ask her out or anything. Luck swings my way and she happens to be the friend of a friend and starts hanging out with our little group of friends all the time. This whole time, I am just falling more madly and madly in love with her. She is just the most beautiful, stunning, sweet, perfect girl I have ever come across. We become great friends. This goes on for about a year until it comes to a point where I can't really take it anymore. I finally fess up and tell her that I "like" her. I didn't want to scare her off. She's not sure about this. I've known her for a year and so I know that she's NEVER been in a serious relationship that lasted longer than 2 weeks. I was scared too that I would be just another one of these guys that she loses interest in right away.

 

I win her over. We both fall deeply in love with each other and do everything together. These are the most amazing times of my life. She gets more and more attached to me. I get more and more attached to her. Everything is perfect. We fool around quite a bit, but never have sex. We had normal little disputes about me doing stuff with my friends. She wanted to spend every waking second with me. I wanted to be able to spend the majority of my time with her, but also have some time with my friends. She didn't like going out a lot or going to parties and hanging out with the more popular people from our high school. Other than that, everything is still perfect...or so it seems.

 

Then college comes storming into our lives. To be honest, I was having some doubts as to whether or not we could stay together in college. I was kinda looking forward to being able to spend more time with my friends. You know, college - new experiences, new people, parties, tons of girls. I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to stay together with such a fair amount of distance between us and all these new things coming into our lives. I tell her this and it just kills her. She wants to stay together. I am in love with her, and I am willing to do anything for her. So I am perfectly happy with staying together with her. Then she gets a soccer scholarship to a school that is located in the same city as the school that I am going to, 10 minutes away from me. This makes her happier than ever now that we'll really be able to see each other the same amount of time that we did in high school (we spent ENORMOUS amounts of time together). I know better however, and tell her that we probably won't be able to see each other as much, because it's still college and there's just much more going on. This nearly kills her again. She's not sure if we should just break up right then and get it over with or try it out. I am in love with her, and I am willing to do anything for her.

 

We finally get to college. Everything is exactly the way I thought it would be. I spend as much time as I possibly can with her. I am in love with her. I am completely happy. She, apparently, is not.

 

She decides that we need to take a break and date other people, even though we both said it was kind of a mutual thing. I wasn't so thrilled about it. But I went along with it. We still see each other the same amout of time...we still love each other...we still fool around even...but we are allowed to date other people. She is the first to start dating another guy. My natural reaction is to get jealous. I let her know what I am feeling. It doesn't last very long with this guy. But she almost immediately starts dating another guy. I don't know what to think. Well, sure I do, I am jealous again. I realize I am lagging in this dating game and so I meet this one girl. I tell my girl about this new girl the next day. BAD MOVE. She comes over that night and makes me completely forget about the new girl. I mean COMPLETELY. I am powerless against her because I am so so in love with her. We remain doing stuff together more than normal. But then she goes back to dating other guys. I don't get mad or anything because...hey, we're broken up and she's allowed to date other guys. I make another bad move. I don't date anyone else. I wait for her. I wait for her, hoping she will get whatever it is out of her system and come back to me and be happy with me forever. We still see each other and kind of remain together in between each guy. I don't like this. I let her know.

 

Christmas break comes and we spend lots and lots of time together and I don't have to worry about any other guys. Shortly after Christmas break, she starts dating again. Then one week, when she wasn't dating anyone, she asked me to come over nearly every day, which was more time that we had spent together at college in a while. I thought maybe she's done. Maybe this is it. Then once again BAM...I don't even get to see her for a month. I am scared ****less and am afraid I am gonna lose her forever. I call her constantly wanting to talk to her to find out what's wrong and why she doesn't want to see me. BAD MOVE, I know. BAD BAD MOVE. Finally she tells me she just wants some space. I do nothing but think about her day and night. This hurts me bad. I try and give her more space but once again I can't take it anymore. BAD MOVE. I call her and try to talk to her because I want to know what's going on. Then she hits me with the motherload...SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME ANYMORE. I am absolutely completely stunned. You could almost hear my heart splitting in half. I fall into a deep, deep depression. I cannot function properly. Everything in my life that I once enjoyed, mean nothing to me anymore. I realize that I screwed up bad. I do not want to lose this girl. I am going to fight for her. BAD MOVE. My behavior just drives her even further away. I can't think of anything but her. I am going mad. She says she still cares about me, but she just doesn't love me anymore. I ask her if she seriously thinks she could live the rest of her life in complete happiness without me. She says yes. I nearly hit rock bottom at this point. She is worried that I am going to hurt myself in some way...kill myself even. I have no intention of doing anything like this at all, but I won't say that I didn't run it through my mind a couple of times.

 

I am sick of feeling like this. I don't know what else to do. I finally decide that I need to break off all ties with her. I tell her that I want to talk to her, in person. We arranged to talk last night. She says she'll call me a little after 9:00 p.m. and we can talk then. She doesn't call. I call her around 11:00 because I really need to tell her what I was going through and to tell her that I was done with her. Where is she? AT THE HOUSE OF THE GUY SHE'S DATING. This royally pisses me off so I say what I needed to say. It was short and sweet and I sounded totally calm. Then I simply said, "BYE." She said goodbye and sounded all sad but I didn't care. I was pissed off. I still am pissed off about how it went. Two years with this girl and it all ends with "BYE"??? I am utterly destroyed by this.

 

I would like to believe that sooner or later she will call back, because I don't think she expected me to end it last night and end it that way, but I don't think I should do that. If she calls, she calls. I cannot cling on to any of her crap anymore. I feel betrayed. I feel lost. I don't even know if I will see or talk to my first true love ever again in my entire life. I hope she misses me. Because I was willing to offer her the world. She is missing out on a truly great guy I think. I hope she cries and cries and cries for me. Lord knows I did for her. I loved her. I still love her now. And I'm not sure if I will ever stop loving her. But I just couldn't go on living the way I was living.

 

I don't know what to do, guys. Please help. Thank you.

[bhug82]

Dude, I'm going through the same now with a woman I've known for five years. She dated this one guy and broken up with him four times in two years. We only started going out last year at this time and then again in Dec till a week ago when she dropped the bomb on me. Kicked me to the curb. She said last month she would never make the same mistake again and will do ANYTHING to keep me happy. Sounded real good at the time. If you get a chance, read my story on skelton and Lightning Struck. Right now I'm just keeping myself busy every waking hour, but not with buds or other girls. It would be my luck she would call me on my cell and want me to come over to talk.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

In all that you've written, I don't see any bad moves that you made other than wanting to win her over when she told you she didn't love you anymore. You did things people do when they are in love. Unfortunately, people do fall out of love. There's not much you can do but go on with you life. And though you are in alot of pain right now, betrayed and all, that pain will ease away over time. The pain you're going through is perfectly normal. You're grieving the loss of a love one. However, Iwould not advise you to wait until she come around one day thinking she's going to fall back in love with you, even if you just ended a 2 year relationship with bye. Sometimes it happens that way. Those are the breaks. It's not fair and it may not be right, but that's just how it is.

[Yukon8e2]

If she called me right now wanting to get back together, I would say no. I can't deal with any more of her crap if all that she's going to do is hurt me more.

 

There's one thing that I'm not so sure about. Is it at all possible to get back together with someone after something like this has happened. Obviously we both need time away from each other and time to mature, but does that mean there is absolutely zero chance of us getting back together. I know that I should just move on and completely forget about her for now, in order to get over her, but I hate to think that everything is completely over. We have no idea what will happen in the future.

 

Like...when I eventually do get over her and can move on, whether it's a couple months or a couple years, I'm sure we'll be able to talk to each other again and what not. But if she also comes crawling back to me saying, "Oh oh I made a huge mistake you're the one for me! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" I don't know what I would say. I seriously do not think I could just say no and walk away. But that's how I feel right now. I definitely would have to do some major talking to her and tell her how much pain and heartbreak she caused me. I just don't know it's so complicated. I actually think I'm already showing progress in getting over her, but when I think about stuff like that...gosh, I don't know what I'd do. It's a mind bender.

[ThisGirlNameKD]

I'm in my mid-20's. And I'll be honest with you. Half of the guys I liked in my late teens and early 20's I wouldn't be with right now because I'm a different person that I was back then. They are also different people than they were back then. That's what happens with young people. They grow, they change, and what they liked at one moment, they may stop liking the next.

 

So in answer to your question, it would be highly unlikely that you two get back together. I'm not saying it's impossible, but even though you say you're not holding your breath, you are if you're still looking, hoping, wishing, wondering if the both of you would ever get back to gether. If she said she's not in love with you anymore, I think she made that perfectly clear on the night you two were suppose to talk, she was hanging out with her boyfriend. It's time that you let go completely and that includes hopes that you both get back together.

 

You ex-girlfriend is going through changes right now. Maybe she's changing and wants something more in a guy. Her outlook may be different. She's dating around and getting a taste of other people. I would suggest you do the same thing. You may find someone else that would fit

[Yukon8e2]

Alright now I posted awhile back about my girlfriend and I breaking up. The post was title, "I handled everything all wrong." Anyways, I am pretty confused about the whole situation now.

 

I broke up with this girl a while ago. Probably about six months I'd say. At first I was totally devastated but I've been getting better. Even still, I just can't seem to forget about her. I've gone about 2 solid months without seeing her or talking to her, but I can't get her out of my mind. I've always been the type of guy that thought love was everlasting...so I seriously don't know what to do. We were both incredibly in love with each other and then college came and screwed everything up. I don't know what to do guys. I've met other girls since her but none of them even compare to her. I feel sometimes like I've gone crazy and that she thinks I'm a total nutcase, even though her friend tells me otherwise.

 

I honestly want to be with this girl for the rest of my life, but it's just confusing times for both of us. I am only 18 and people say that's too young of an age to make such a decision, but I just can't agree with that. I don't want to scare her off but I don't want to just let her go and forget about her. Even if I wanted to I couldn't. She is absolutely too important to me and I am just so lost, guys. Please help me. What advice can you give me guys?

[Tony T]

It seems your only solution is to meet with her and see if you can work out a suitable arrangement to continue seeing each other in some way despite the complications that college has presented.

 

If she says she doesn't want to get back together, then you'll have some finality and you can move on. And, yes, it's not the end of the world...take my word for it. I've been where you are a dozen times and it's always worked out just fine. But the pain is a pain is the ass before that happens.