why do dumpers contact the dumpee?

[Charmaine_Champagne]

it's a topic that gets discussed here quite a bit. but why if i dumper tells you that want you out of their life in no uncertain terms.. so you leave, go NC whatever, then why do they get in touch. and i don't mean ones that realize they made a mistake a want you back.. i mean ones who contact you attention seeking, ones who say they miss you but don't say they want you back, ones who tease u or send u meaningless texts to get your attention. if they don't want u in their lives why do they do this?

 

my ex broke up with me yet he still has my number and i'm still on his msn contacts? why would he keep me there is he has told me harshly to go away.

 

generally tho why do dumpers get in touch, is it just to see if they still have power over you or for an ego feed?

 

if they make it clear they no longer want you, why contact u attention seeking once in a while or to see what u are up to?.. boredom? to see if your still dangling on? because they get a kick out of it?

[vring81]

I think they try to contact so that if you are kind or receptive of their calls, texts etc. it will relieve their guilt. Everytime my ex would say, I am just so sorry about this, I know she just wnated to hear me say, Oh, its okay, I'll be fine. I instead told her I wasnt interested in apologies and that was that.

 

I know that everytime she says she wants to be my friend, I'm her best friend blah blah it is just so that she can keep me in the wings and make sure if **** goes wrong, I'm still there. I guess what I'm getting at, is I think its for completely selfish reasons they still contact us.

[New_life]

i dont know, but yesterday at midnight i received over 20 texts with song lyrics saying how she misses and loves me etc..

 

also telling me to be her friend. I am this sure to not want to be her friend. I trully have no idea what she wants of me... She doesnt want me but tells me she misses me and doesnt want to let go???

 

I dont know, but its selfish of them to not make up their mind.

[john1988]

Great point I split up with my ex girlfriend over a year ago and I often wonder the same thing, she would talk in riddles and leave me hanging and I would always take the positives from it like she wanted me back but she never said it in so many words, it was more me hearing what I wanted to hear. I eventually realized and started NC. Every now and then when she comes on messenger she will spark up a conversation I try to limit it as much as possible and on occasions even ignore her but it happens over and over again. I'm really not sure whether it's guilt as some of the things she did to me were extremely nasty. I mean surely she can see I am reluctant to talk so why be so persistent? As you say I think it's a bit of everything you mentioned and as I have never had the closure I deserved nor never will get it, it just makes things worse. I've often wondered about coming straight out and asking?

[Island Girl]

generally tho why do dumpers get in touch, is it just to see if they still have power over you or for an ego feed?

 

Both.

 

And yes I used to get a kick out of it -- that'd be the ego boost.

 

There was also a bit of the not wanting him but not wanting anyone else to get the adoration but me.

 

Sucks I know. But true.

 

You should have removed and blocked him already. I don't know why you'd leave yourself wide open for this.

You do have responsibility for your own feelings as well.

And he should be blocked so that you can protect yourself and move on.

 

What (other than pain and confusion) are you getting out of leaving the communication open?

[boogieboy]

They get in touch because YOU let them. They cant do it unless you answer.

 

NewLife, cut her off completely, dont let her use you for friendship while you suffer.