Valedico Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I have been thinking about that phrase today...and to be honest right now i would want to never have loved at all! This pain is killing me. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Thomas X Forever Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 That quote was created by a narcissist. Short answer: No. It's not better to have loved and lost. Link to post Share on other sites
asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I have been thinking about that phrase today...and to be honest right now i would want to never have loved at all! This pain is killing me. What do you guys think? The pain is killing me right now too, but I still say it was worth it. The fun and joy of being out with a beautiful girl, of a first kiss, of laughing together and holding hands, all these things are part of the human experience that enriches our lives. You can't enjoy them if you don't take risks. Taking risks means things might not work out so you have to be prepared for that. The pain sucks but we will get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I think the loss is never to have truly loved Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I think it sucks that that to have loved before and never love again. that's what sucks. I mean if you never experienced that type of emotion how could you miss it? Link to post Share on other sites
asuman Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I think the loss is never to have truly loved With the benefit of experience, I know there is a time when I will run into her months or years from now, and maybe one or both of us will be with other people by then, but I'll still be able to wink at her and say, "Remember that night on the rooftop when we talked until 4 am?" I'll never forget it and I doubt she will either. I have happy memories like that of many of my past relationships. I wouldn't give them up for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
t0ri Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 I completely agree with that saying! Every difficult thing you go through shapes you and makes you stronger in the long run. Cheesy, but true. The pain almost isn't worth the love I shared for awhile, but that pain fades. I'm thankful for what I had and lost. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Its not about the "love" its about the experience, and knowing what mistakes you made to not lose someone again. Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Its not about the "love" its about the experience, and knowing what mistakes you made to not lose someone again. I agree with boogieboy. Pain does lessen after time. Then you tend to remember happier times and keep those as memories. It makes you stronger for your next relationship. I was broken up w in mid April from my fiance so believe me you, I have plenty of pain, and I believe it is your pain talking right now. I know it seems unbearable, but if you try and fill your days with things you enjoy and make the life the way you want it, it DOES help. Even if its minimally, each day gets better, and the days will turn into weeks and so on. A counselor can also help you deal with these emotions, I saw one 2 times and may see her again once or twice and keep her for the future whenever I feel it may benefit my life and health to talk to someone other than people closely linked to me. The best of luck, I know and understand fully how your feeling right now, and I am sorry your feeling like that, it sucks!!! It DOES mold you and make you stronger thats for sure. Know that you are a strong and wonderful person no matter what!! Link to post Share on other sites
Taucher Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 I wish I had never loved. Thing is, since I got dumped I have been hanging out more with my friends and there is one girl I know who is 28 and just does not get what I am talking about. She asks me what it feels like and why I feel so awful, but she just cannot relate. She admits that, for one reason or another, she has never been in love. She is a very calm and happy person. Other friends who have been in the same (or similar) situations relate only too well and seem cynical and angry about their PAST relationships that ended badly, even from YEARS back. My female friend just does not get it and is sort of amused by it all. I envy her. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 I feel bad for people who wish they had never loved at all. My heart is still broken 10 weeks after a 1.5 year relationship, but I would not trade my time with her for anything. Yes the pain sucks, but be thankful that you care about something in your life enough to feel pain over it. Link to post Share on other sites
desertsun09 Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 I think I'm with Taucher. I envy people like ur friend. I just wish I didn't feel so bad right now and its gonna take a while to recover....meanwhile i could be out living a good life right now. Now I just feel like I'm stuck in reverse. It would be good to feel nothing right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
julkat Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 I'm glad I've loved. And I'm hopeful I will love again. Risk is inherent in all things in life and part of the human experience. To me, there is no feeling in the world like the excitement that comes from a strong connection with another person. My heart is open to possibilities. Link to post Share on other sites
Thomas X Forever Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 It would be good to feel nothing right now.... Dumbest thing I've ever heard. Take it from someone who successfully shut off his emotions for 2 years: You don't EVER want to feel nothing. It's taking my extensive knowledge of psychology and the help of a 25 year experienced NeuroPsych to try to fix this damage. Pray every day for the rest of your life you feel pain instead of nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 For me, the problem is not the emotional pain. It is how I process it mentally. Since my breakup, I'm not sure whether i've become slightly bitter or whether i've simple realised that reality is simply not so peachy. I've started to wonder what love is anyway, if it is really able to last, if me and my ex were really all that special..... Now I look at love a bit wearily. Yes its beautiful and amazing and powerful and really all there is in the world, but I kind of feel like love was like walking into a daydream, putting expectations and hopes onto a person (which we all do) and then watching them crumble, and then awakening from that daydream to realise the person is just another person. They could never really offer you everything you wanted. No-one truly can. And emerging from that haze to realise the one that it hurt to be apart from, has become a stranger. The connection between you has been broken and its kind of like a child being seperated from its mother; that closeness, that care, that attachment to another person, just disapears, and you are suddenly alone. This isn't meant to be depressing. I guess I just wonder why, people grow attached to others, when most attachments simply are not meant to last. Its like we all chase this unconditional love but most of us aren't even capable of offering that ourselves, let alone receiving it. I guess i've always been a loner type - even in social situations, I keep a lot back, because I never expect anyone to 'get' or 'accept' or 'understand' the full me. But I let that slide for my ex. I tried to let him know me. And it feels hard to let someone truly know you, truly see you....and for them to walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Now I look at love a bit wearily. Yes its beautiful and amazing and powerful and really all there is in the world, but I kind of feel like love was like walking into a daydream, putting expectations and hopes onto a person (which we all do) and then watching them crumble, and then awakening from that daydream to realise the person is just another person. They could never really offer you everything you wanted. No-one truly can. Well in my opinion, love is when you get over that "daydream" phase and realize you still want to be with the person. Yeah the majority of us expect too much from another person, but once you see them for their strengths AND their faults, and be realistic about what you expect from your partner, if you still want to be with them at that point, then I think that's when you love someone. Anyways, I know it's not easy people, but try to be grateful for the love in your life instead of being bitter that you lost it. Gratitude is a powerful emotion. If you didn't know pain then you wouldn't know love. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Been there, done that, would do it all over again! Link to post Share on other sites
hrtbrk hotel tenant Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 love hard play hard live hard....yeah it sux that we have lost a love but it may yet be sought out if u try. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Well in my opinion, love is when you get over that "daydream" phase and realize you still want to be with the person. Yeah the majority of us expect too much from another person, but once you see them for their strengths AND their faults, and be realistic about what you expect from your partner, if you still want to be with them at that point, then I think that's when you love someone. Anyways, I know it's not easy people, but try to be grateful for the love in your life instead of being bitter that you lost it. Gratitude is a powerful emotion. If you didn't know pain then you wouldn't know love. I think thats what hurts. That I accepted him, but he cut me loose.... Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 I think it sucks that that to have loved before and never love again. that's what sucks. I mean if you never experienced that type of emotion how could you miss it? I'm starting to feel this way. I had an intense, passionate love with my XH and it fell apart. I'm afraid I may never feel this way about anyone again. It reminds me of that blind guy in that movie "Cold Mountain" when Jude Law's character asks him what he'd give for 10 minutes of his vision back. The guy responds, "I'd not give an Indian-head cent. I fear it might turn me hateful. ... It's having a thing and the loss I'm talking about." As CB put it...had I never felt something so deep, intense, and all-consuming...I wouldn't be missing it now. Like they say - ignorance is bliss. I'm having a hard time deciding if the levels of rapture I reached were worth the resulting pain when it was torn from my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
moo Posted July 6, 2009 Share Posted July 6, 2009 I think that phrase applies only if the one you loved wasn't a complete moron and did not use you. As for me, I'm sorry I loved. My heart is in a million pieces. I hate what his cruelty has done to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mei Mei Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 Once you have experienced real and romantic love that you cherish, there's the experience of an euphoric state like the maniac state, with permanent chemical change in brain. You cant forget it. You will feel being in a deficit state no matter how. So it is more fulfilling to learn from the experience and to go on the pursance in a more shrewd and witty ways. Life is full of experiences, either good or bad, just get through it to reap, enjoy and grow.. Link to post Share on other sites
joseffrost Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 As twee and cliched as this phrase is, it rings true as long as you are the kind of person who can learn from your experiences, rather than dwelling on them. I had 2 great years with my ex, she helped me grow as a person and did some great things together - would I swap that to avoid the heartbreak of the last 6 weeks? No way, I'll get over it soon enough, and we'll both probably end up being friends, just like my previous long term girlfriend of 5 years ago. It's just like any life experience - you'll probably fall off your bike before you master it. You might get some bad grades at school or have a few sh*tty jobs, but as long as you can pick yourself up, dust yourself off and learn from your mistakes, you will be much stronger for it in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
andreww Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 you guys should watch the movie called " endless sunshine of a spotless mind" basically its all about this subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted July 22, 2009 Share Posted July 22, 2009 As twee and cliched as this phrase is, it rings true as long as you are the kind of person who can learn from your experiences, rather than dwelling on them. Yeah, definitely. The pain she's put me through has been such a catalyst for change in my life, I think I'd be crazy to wish that it never happened. Of course sometimes the pain is bad enough that I wish I could avoid it, but deep down I know I'm going to emerge on the other end of this problem having learned and grown a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
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