ex-boyfriend's marriage

[KP]

This is rather long story, but I was in relationship four years ago with one guy. He went back to his home country after 2-3 months since we started. It was very stormy relationship all along.

 

The thing is, I was very very stressed out about my work (I just started working), and he is very mentally unstable (many of his families, including his brother and father suffer from schzophremia as well). We became co-dependent, and in the end I ended up taking Prozac and hospitalized for a couple of times.

 

What upset me in this relationship is that, what he says changes exactly the opposite. For example, he says he wants to continue relationship, then later on he blamed on me for having manupulated into him say so, then again he says he said he had been manipulated because I made him angry, etc, etc. This was endless process. I did not know how to end this.

 

In the end I got pretty devasted and I kept calling him, and one day, I called at his work many times (I think it was more than 30 times). He secretly hired lawyer and the lawyer told me not to contact him again.

 

Half a year later, he contacted me, and said he really misses me. Since then we've been on and off. Then the same happened again, he said he has been manipulated because he was afraid that I will turn into mentally sick and call him so often at his work again (I never, ever did it again). But we kept in touch, for once in several months. Last year, in our conversation, he said he wants to "start" as a friend, and he said he definitely wants to stay in touch with me as a friend. He sometimes sent me presents.

 

I called him yesterday. He started yelling at me that I am stalking him. It turned out he got married. When I talked to him last time (last October), he said he just started dating with one girl, to which I was pretty cool about. But as it turned out he was in the relationship for two years. During that two years, he sent me presents, books, nice E-mails, and we really had nice conversations, etc.

 

Now he says "I just said we want to stay friends just to be nice with you". He said that I forced him into hide that he was in relationship, because he was afraid of me getting crazy. But myself have also been in relationship with another guy, and he knows it. And it has been three years since I was on anti-depression, and I have not done anything insane to him (calling many times) for long time (three years, at least).

 

But I am so distressed -- what kind of person I am, to force somebody to hide that he is going to marry, he is in relationship for two years?? I really started feeling that I am abnormal person who shouldn't be in any sort of relationship, because I am manupulative. I am so afraid that I am kind of person who shouldn't be in relationship. Please help me, as my self confidence is going to zero.

[Tony T]

Don't let crazy people suck you in and make you feel bad. This man is clearly nuts and had some severe mental dysfunctions. There is no reason to take anything he says seriously.

 

However, if you don't get away from him and move your life along it will be your fault.

 

End this relationship totally, count it as a mistake from which you have learned, and start living your life for you again. Never again think you can be in a relationship with a crazy person. Yes, it's unfortunate that he has mental problems he can't help but you don't have to make yourself a part of that. There are professionals to deal with it.

 

I wish you luck in finding a partner who is sane and will treat you well. Just forget about this mess. You stayed in this a lot longer than you should have and you didn't pay attention. If you would have kept your eyes open, you would have known he was crazy and you would have known there was another person in the picture.

 

Take some responsibility here for not looking out for your best interests.