Oh, dear. :/

[iliveunderyoursink]

I've been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half, almost exactly. Our relationship started out extremely rocky, to say the least. I guess it would be fair to say that I was a bit of an emotional rock for the first 3 months or so--we had ongoing arguments about it and ended up not speaking to each other for maybe a month. I was going through some rough patches--I had a serious medical problem, a hemorrhage in my brain, that made me confused and stressed enough as it was. Our relationship got better. We were happy.

 

For the next number of months, everything was fine. After the first year, we progressively started to argue more and more.

 

I'm good socially, I attract lots of people--but it doesn't really mean I like them. I don't enjoy socializing all that much, so naturally (especially being withthis boyfriend), out at parties and movies and generalized outings with friends is not where you would generally find me, ever.

 

To stray from that a moment, we recently had a huge blowout. He exploded at the littlest things, and somehow developed the capacity to log off the computer, shut off his phone, anything that would keep me from being able to contact him. I know him too well, and anticipated that, just like every other time, this NC idea would last for a grand total of about 24 hours. And I was right. But at that point, I was completely fed up. I stopped getting on the computer at all. My phone was on, but I never took it with me anywhere, and of course, never called him. I kept it up for 6 or 7 days, maybe. I sign online for the first time in 7 days, and he messages me within a second of me signing on. He acts like nothing has happened. I acted how I felt--apathetic. Days earlier, in our argument, he maintains that I 'OWE' him because a week earlier I acted "unsympathetic". Unsympathetic or not, what lover would tell you you OWED them anything?

 

I was pissed, and I had stopped caring a month ago. I still love him, sure. But he had just disrespected me to no end. So I asked him if he still believed I owed him. When he said yes, I told him he should find someone else. We got on the phone (which was my first mistake), he cried, and after a few hours of being alone and thinking, I decided to give him a second chance.

 

He was fine at first, for a very short time. Now he's back to pissing all over everything I do--and, there's this other guy. An ex of mine who I never had closure with--we broke up ONLY because I lost contact with him when I lost his phonenumber, and my cellphone (the only number that he had). He made me so happy, and every time I talk to him currently, I feel good.

 

There's almost no doubt in my mind that, given my current boyfriend's bull****, this relationship will not work--despite the planning, despite having wanted to have kids together, get married, everything--It just couldn't be any more clear that this is no longer working.

 

Him and I are also QUITE different:

I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert.

I like dogs, he likes cats.

He likes CONSTANT quiet, I like a mix.

 

The other guy and I have much more similar interests--he even snowboards, my favorite sport, and also a sport that my current boyfriend wouldn't do with me no matter howmuch I begged him.

 

advice on how to deal with this horrible boyfriend that I still love is welcome. Mostly, though, I'd appreciate advice on how to handle breaking up with him, which I'm pretty sure is how I will end up dealing with it.

 

Thanks :/

[Darkness7]

I've been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half, almost exactly. Our relationship started out extremely rocky, to say the least. I guess it would be fair to say that I was a bit of an emotional rock for the first 3 months or so--we had ongoing arguments about it and ended up not speaking to each other for maybe a month. I was going through some rough patches--I had a serious medical problem, a hemorrhage in my brain, that made me confused and stressed enough as it was. Our relationship got better. We were happy.

 

For the next number of months, everything was fine. After the first year, we progressively started to argue more and more.

 

I'm good socially, I attract lots of people--but it doesn't really mean I like them. I don't enjoy socializing all that much, so naturally (especially being withthis boyfriend), out at parties and movies and generalized outings with friends is not where you would generally find me, ever.

 

To stray from that a moment, we recently had a huge blowout. He exploded at the littlest things, and somehow developed the capacity to log off the computer, shut off his phone, anything that would keep me from being able to contact him. I know him too well, and anticipated that, just like every other time, this NC idea would last for a grand total of about 24 hours. And I was right. But at that point, I was completely fed up. I stopped getting on the computer at all. My phone was on, but I never took it with me anywhere, and of course, never called him. I kept it up for 6 or 7 days, maybe. I sign online for the first time in 7 days, and he messages me within a second of me signing on. He acts like nothing has happened. I acted how I felt--apathetic. Days earlier, in our argument, he maintains that I 'OWE' him because a week earlier I acted "unsympathetic". Unsympathetic or not, what lover would tell you you OWED them anything?

 

I was pissed, and I had stopped caring a month ago. I still love him, sure. But he had just disrespected me to no end. So I asked him if he still believed I owed him. When he said yes, I told him he should find someone else. We got on the phone (which was my first mistake), he cried, and after a few hours of being alone and thinking, I decided to give him a second chance.

 

He was fine at first, for a very short time. Now he's back to pissing all over everything I do--and, there's this other guy. An ex of mine who I never had closure with--we broke up ONLY because I lost contact with him when I lost his phonenumber, and my cellphone (the only number that he had). He made me so happy, and every time I talk to him currently, I feel good.

 

There's almost no doubt in my mind that, given my current boyfriend's bull****, this relationship will not work--despite the planning, despite having wanted to have kids together, get married, everything--It just couldn't be any more clear that this is no longer working.

 

Him and I are also QUITE different:

I'm an extrovert, he's an introvert.

I like dogs, he likes cats.

He likes CONSTANT quiet, I like a mix.

 

The other guy and I have much more similar interests--he even snowboards, my favorite sport, and also a sport that my current boyfriend wouldn't do with me no matter howmuch I begged him.

 

advice on how to deal with this horrible boyfriend that I still love is welcome. Mostly, though, I'd appreciate advice on how to handle breaking up with him, which I'm pretty sure is how I will end up dealing with it.

 

Thanks :/

 

Hi, it really sounds to me like you need to break it off with your current Bf. You even said your relationship was rocky from the start and it sounds like you'd be willing to make it work, but he's not putting in any effort. A relationship cannot work if it only comes from one side. I think you either need to sit down and tell your Bf that this is not how you want the relationship to be and make him understand what things he needs to 'change' or if you feel like you just want out, you need to tell him as well. It's not fair on either of you to try and pretend the relationship is working when it obviously isn't...it'll hurt both of you more in the long run if you try and keep something up that just isn't going to work.

[LostFocus]

I know you care about him but it doesn't seem like you are happy. If you aren't happy a year into the relationship it is only going to get worse as you progress. Also about your ex, sounds kind of strange that you lost each others numbers. Were you two dating or were you an actual couple? You don't have to answer I just found that a little strange. If you don't see much of a future then you should work to make a different future were you will be happier.

[iliveunderyoursink]

Dating. Sorry I wasn't clear.

[GorillaTheater]

Sorry for the off-topic thing, but "iliveunderyoursink" is a GREAT moniker!

[DJMarky]

What sort of guy would give up the opportunity to go snowboarding!?

 

Anyways .. I would just meet up with him, say you don't think it will work, you are too different, you gave it a shot but to no avail. Basically say what you said here, minus how great your ex is, just try and be nice about it. Just state your facts, not much else can be done.