He's making me angry...and making himself look pathetic!

[Aerorobyn]

My ex, who dumped me less than a month ago, I don't know what to make of things! He and my uncle (whom I live with) are still friends. My uncle was commenting on my ex's Myspace earlier, and I just happened to walk across and see it.

 

So apparently, from my ex's status update, he is now "in the Prime of his life" that he's single and I'm gone. Which, I'm assuming, means he's at his highest point in life since I'm gone, right?

 

It's been a little over three weeks since he broke up with me. He "loved" me, and at one point I was "the only one" for him. How can he be over it that quick? Or is he? I'd think someone who was so happy and pleased with life wouldn't have to go on Myspace to tell everyone about it. Pathetic *******.

 

And when we broke up, he said that he wouldn't be going out on Friday nights for a while, because those were our days. I knew he was lying when he said that. He went out the Friday after we broke up, and he has gone out every Friday since (he makes sure to brag to everyone about his weekend...including my uncle, who he is friends with).

 

He's just upsetting me to no end. I know, I know...we're no longer together! But it hurts me and angers me! Is he REALLY over me, just like that? Did I REALLY make his life a miserable hell, even though he told me every single day that I was the only one for him?

 

I wish I could just say something mean and hateful to him. But I've been in NC for 10 days...it wouldn't accomplish anything on my part.

 

I wish there was some way I could "get back at him" without actually having to physically hurt him or speak to him. This girl isn't gonna mope anymore! It's time for war in this game of love!

[NINEBREAKER]

dont get involved. getting involved might just get you hurt emotionally. getting back is a bad idea too. you dont want to spend jail time because someone made you mad.not saying your gonna hurt the guy just saying you can press charges for just about anything these days.

[crisla]

He did it on purpose, to 'showed' you that he gets his life back together which its NOT! Ignore him.. you are doing well..

[NINEBREAKER]

He did it on purpose, to 'showed' you that he gets his life back together which its NOT! Ignore him.. you are doing well..

do your best to move on. i am.

[Aerorobyn]

I'm not gonna do anything, as much as I want to. I'm so lost, so hurt, and so angry!

 

All I wanted was to be with him. Is that too much to ask for? ...I guess it is.

 

I guess he was lying about the whole, "I chose a life of solitude, I don't want anyone" ...apparently that's a lie, he wants to go out with those idiotic friends, who, might I add, were never there for him before.

 

I just wish that he'd get fed up with it and come running back so that I could torture his emotions for a bit. But, I know that's not gonna happen. I know him well enough to know he will never come running back...not even a year from now. He's done with me, done with us. He's a coward.

[Hersheys]

Go complete NC on him. Block all forms of contact or information that you might get about him. Ask your uncle not to talk about him when you are around. Is there a way for you not to see your uncle for the time being while you are trying to heal and get over your ex?

 

Have you worked out your lab class with your ex? Is it still possible to find a new partner? If you can't avoid him anymore as your lab partner, try to ignore him and just talk about what you have to do that day. No talk about each other's current lives or activities, no talk about the relationship. Focus on the lab class itself.

 

Be the best in everything that you do for yourself. Try not to associate your ex on the things you do or your activities.

 

Don't go down his level by torturing his emotions IF he comes running back. It's mean and childish when ex parades for the world to see their new found 'freedom' or how 'triumphant' they are now that they are single. Always remember that that behavior is only meant to rouse you and to get a reaction from you. Best thing to do? Show indifference by ignoring him. Do nothing. You can't be bothered anymore by what he is doing because you are focused on other things. You have more important things to do.

 

In time you will be thankful that you didn't get involved and distanced yourself from his drama.

[copaisking]

Aerobyn... if its any consolation, my ex gave me a load of abuse about girls being all over me on myspace, and the fact that I had the song F*&k It (I don't want you back) on. She broke up with me but she couldn't understand how i've moved on so quickly and how my myspace has livened up with these girls and i'm having the time of my life.

 

It's all horse sh*t. I'm miserable, and I knew that by those girls commenting me, and that by having that song up, it would piss her off. Immature I know, but all I want is her back, and that is one of the ways that I thought I could get her back, by making her jealous.... it hasn't worked yet, I think she just hates me.

 

I'm sure he's doing the same thing. Please just ignore him, or do the same thing back, spruce up your myspace, go out, take loads of pictures with new people (just grab good looking guys and take pics with them), let him know what you're doing with your status updates (going out with the girls! etc etc) because I guarantee he will look at them and get jealous (I know I did when I looked at her myspace). Let him know what he's missing out on!

[Aerorobyn]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I do not want to stoop to that low of a level like him, but I'm just very upset. How one minute I could be someones entire world, and the next they are off having the time of their life and saying that I made their life a burden.

 

I hope he's enjoying his new-found freedom. Seriously. I can do a lot better than a childish, immature jerk like him. A guy actually gave me his number a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't want to call...wasn't ready to...but maybe now I will.

 

Oh, and there's no way he'd be able to see my Myspace. I have him blocked on there, plus my page is set to private. And about the lab--Monday was the last actual lab. We have our lab final exam in two weeks, which will be the last time I have to see him in there (luckily I don't have to work with him though).

[nature]

He's behaving like a bad little boy, desperate for attention. Any guy who needs to post some stupid thing like that up for everyone to see, is not happy. That goes for men or women. Someone who is truly happy, is happy in themselves and doesn't need the world to know it. Honestly.

 

Try to keep NC. You are being the bigger person. And honestly, I wouldn't play his game. I would soup up your MY Space or change anything. Keep being the same person. It will drive him crazy that he is getting no reaction from you. Because a reaction is what he wants. He wants you to be upset. Which you are. But ldon't let him know.

 

If you suddenly start competing with your My Space, etc, he will know you are reacting. So don't play his game. In a few wks time he will start to feel childish. And he will realize he's getting no reaction from you. He will check your My Space and nothing will have changed. This will start him wondering a lot more than if you start competing on it. He will wonder what you are up to. And why you are not giving him an upset reaction on his My Space.

 

Take care. He's acting like a hurt little child does....screaming out for attention. Don't give it to him.

[nature]

That meant to say, "I WOULDN'T soup up your My Space....."

[Trialbyfire]

Aerorobyn, while I can sympathize with you about the pain of breakup, who knows what his intent was to post his status. Perhaps he's also feeling the pain of breakup and is trying to self-motivate himself to move on.

 

One thing I've noticed is that when we try to guess what's going on in the minds of our exes, it's rarely correct. More times than naught, we don't factor or if we do, we've grown horns, tail and carry around pitchforks.

 

If you consider how you're currently processing your breakup, his self-protection mechanisms have also slammed up. He's thinking about himself and how best to move on. The easiest way to do that is to get angry and if he put you on a pedestal, he'll push you off and mentally stomp on your memories. It will be similar to what you're doing too.

 

Best to focus on processing your hurt, finding ways to take that negative energy and putting it towards something positive. Are there things that your relationship prevented you from doing? Dating others in a non-serious fashion can be a lot of fun. Try not to get too involved though. Rebounds can hurt both people and slow down your ability to heal.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Template]

I have to ask, and it's not to offend; just to provoke some though. Why are you so angry about this? Why do you care? Why don't just let it go? What's really the problem.

 

I empathize with you in that the pain truly sucks. At one point we all thought we were that one special person in a person's life. Unfortunately, if you are in this website, it wasn't as true as we wanted it to be. So now he's doing his thing, and probably doing things (consciously or sub-consciously), that affect your life, and the way you feel. And you return, wish you could do so also. Does he still matter that much in your life to let him be a (negative) influence on you? We don't deserve to be negatively influence by the people we are loved by. Why allow him? You really want to get back at him. Don't do anything but live your own life, and do things that make you happy. Don't try to "up him' on his happiness, it's all subjective anyways. There's a loosely translated spanish saying, "To move forward, you have to step back" You've taken that step back, now use that extra running room to move forward, faster than ever.

[Aerorobyn]

Thanks again for the replies.

 

Like I said, I am not going to do anything. I'm not going to change up my page--it's been the way it is for the longest, and it will stay that way. I've got better things to do rather than update my status and change my layout every single day anyways.

 

He may very well feel hurt about this whole breakup situation. But that's his own fault. HE made the decision to end things. HE made the decision that he would much rather hang out with friends and drink, rather than have a loving girlfriend. He knows exactly how I feel about him, and that I wanted another shot at things--but he refused. So any pain he may be feeling, he brought it on himself. I feel no sympathy whatsoever for him.

 

But to be honest, I think I may know whats getting to him. I think he expected me to mope around all day, to fail my classes/tests in these last couple of months of school, and to possibly drop out of school. I think he wished for the worst on me, seriously. And now he sees that's not happening...he knows that my grades have actually improved since the breakup, and that probably makes him feel miserable.

 

I don't think the guy ever truly loved me. If he did, he wouldn't want to hurt me this way. He wouldn't be so quick to give up a good thing. And I should have known this coming from a guy who tried saying "I love you" only a week into the relationship.

 

Nonetheless, I feel that everything happens for a reason. There was a reason for the breakup, and maybe that reason was to spare me pain many years down the road if I were to stay with him. Maybe the reason is to let both of us experience the world a little more and see if we can be happy together again in the future. Who the heck knows--except Time!

[fofiffs]

Hey don't feel bad and angry I'm going through the same thing with my ex. We've only been broken up for a month and already she is in a relationship. Everytime I check her status it makes me so angry cuz she goes "He is so amazing, I'm so happy" or "I know this time I found the right one" who in their right mind say that after only being broken up for a month and being with this new guy for only like a week or two. Yeah it makes me angry when she does that, I think she knows I check her profile. I try not to let it bother me but its myself I have to blame for checking her profile in the first place. Its hard but try not looking at it. I'm doing my damnest to not look at it.

[wheresmysunshine]

I'm late on this post but honestly Robin he is just trying to piss you off and cause a reaction. you have been doing SO good at NC that it is killing him I think. One thing I also highly recommend is to STOP looking at that myspace page! My Ex-fiance and I have the same phone plan and the first night I was gone I made sure to look at it and sure enough the girl he left me for phone number was all over it. That KiLLED ME inside! So for 7 days now I haven't looked at the phone records at ALL! Yes I reallly want to see what he's up to and who he is calling but It will only HURT me sooo much and I know what I'll find.. her phone number.

SO as much as u can, try to stay away from these things that hurt to see. U don't need them to stray you when you are doing so well.

I agreee with other posters... he is not happy if he has to write that lol what a JOKE!

[RecordProducer]

Aerorobyn, you're so cute with your silly posts! Actually, you two remind me a lot of me and (estranged) hubby, so I can relate.

 

Your ex wants you to beg him to take you back. That's the whole point. He wanted to show you that if you don't accept him the way he is - he doesn't want you. And you took the breakup seriously (instead of as a blackmail) and you're trying to move on. Don't beg him. And don't be so sure that he won't beg you.

 

No, people don't move on after three weeks. He is not having the time of his life. Why do you think he keeps being friends with your uncle anyway?

 

Just sit tight and keep minimal contact. The best you can do to get back at him is to be indifferent (not angry) and to show him that you're not miserable. This works more than anything else (other than dating other guys). I say minimal contact because if you were really indifferent, you would not put extra effort into avoiding him. If you see him, smile and say cheerfully "Heeey, how have you been? I am great!"

 

If you have a close relationship with your uncle, tell him to tell your ex that you're seeing someone new. That will get your ex on his knees within 5 min. I guarantee!

[Aerorobyn]

RecordProducer,

 

I wish that were the case! I don't think it is though. I actually did beg and plead for two weeks after he broke up with me. The last time we spoke, I still did the whole begging and pleading thing, which backfired...he yelled at me, said some pretty hurtful things, and definitely sounded sincere that he was done with me/this relationship. He even told me to get out and start dating new guys...that the sooner I did that, the sooner my feelings for him would disappear.

 

As much as I'd like for reconciliation to happen, I do not think he is coming back. Ever. Even with NC implemented. I truly do believe that he is happier and better off without me, which is fine. I don't want to be with someone who is going to be miserable with me anyways.

 

Yes, he is still somewhat friends with my uncle. However, the contact between the two of them has been kept very minimal since we broke up.

 

I'm gonna take the advice from everyone though and just not look at anything of his anymore. I'll try not to go around my uncle when I see him on the computer.

[RecordProducer]

I wish that were the case! I don't think it is though. I actually did beg and plead for two weeks after he broke up with me. The last time we spoke, I still did the whole begging and pleading thing, which backfired...he yelled at me, said some pretty hurtful things, and definitely sounded sincere that he was done with me/this relationship. He even told me to get out and start dating new guys...that the sooner I did that, the sooner my feelings for him would disappear.

I did all this with my husband, too. He also told me to go find someone else. We were "separated" living under the same roof, mostly as a married couple, not room mates. Well, guess what: as soon as I found someone else and didn't hide it from hubby, he suddenly decided he was very much in love with me. Well, the reconciliation wasn't successful and I finally moved out, at his desire. And guess what again: now he misses me and probably regrets everything, but he still won't admit it and he is still blaming me for everything. I am not saying this is the case with your ex, but just so you know that illogical doesn't equal impossible. I do get mixed signals from hubby though, all the time, so if you feel that your relationship is definitely over, then it's over. I am sorry, but you'll move on and be stronger because of this. Now you're probably thinking you don't need any extra strenght, but trust me, you do. It helps in life immensely. Not to mention the experience.

[Aerorobyn]

I did all this with my husband, too. He also told me to go find someone else. We were "separated" living under the same roof, mostly as a married couple, not room mates. Well, guess what: as soon as I found someone else and didn't hide it from hubby, he suddenly decided he was very much in love with me. Well, the reconciliation wasn't successful and I finally moved out, at his desire. And guess what again: now he misses me and probably regrets everything, but he still won't admit it and he is still blaming me for everything. I am not saying this is the case with your ex, but just so you know that illogical doesn't equal impossible. I do get mixed signals from hubby though, all the time, so if you feel that your relationship is definitely over, then it's over. I am sorry, but you'll move on and be stronger because of this. Now you're probably thinking you don't need any extra strenght, but trust me, you do. It helps in life immensely. Not to mention the experience.

 

On my part, it isn't over. I still love him the same...actually, I think I may even love him more for being man enough and having the courage to do what he did. I still want to be with him, and deep down I feel that we will be together again. However, he has to make that call...and I don't feel that he'll ever make that call. Even if he did, it would be many years from now.

 

I've done all I can do. I've told him how I feel and everything. There's nothing else I can do except live my life...but life is really empty without him. I miss the guy who would walk with me around the Gardens, who would take me to Friday night movies, and who would want to talk on the phone each night. To be honest--I just miss him. I could care less whether we ever went to another movie or dinner...just to be in his arms and presence is enough.

 

But I guess both parties have to feel the same way. And, unfortunately, only one party feels that way right now.