it's been months, need to move on :(

[mm4184]

So recently, one of my best friends passed away. He was the one who made me happy for the little temporary moments he could when I would call him and complain about my ex. It hurts, but now I just feel even worse because ALSO my ex has been showing up to places he knows I'm going to be at. I know maybe to him, it doesn't mean anything, but since I've been avoiding him, I felt like why can't he do the same for me and WHY does he show up?! My ex actually texted me and said he heard about my friend passing away and for me to take care of myself because he knows how close we were. So that was a nice gesture... We broke up in September but we slept together a few times October-January and finally things just got all complicated so we stopped beginning on January and had no contact for a long time until the beginning of this month for a mutual friend's birthday. It was the first time we actually had to be in the same place so it was all small talk etc. Then after that, he started showing up wherever I'm at! It might really not mean anything, but I feel like he thinks it's ok now since it's been 6 months (2 if you start January) since we broke up and he's probably over it.

 

I'm SO not over it. I thought I was getting better but then all of this started happening. I see him but then we just say hi and that's it. I feel like he avoids me but at the same time is at the place he knew I'd be at. It's just so confusing. Also, I keep hearing things about some girls liking him, etc and I can't help but be jealous! I just want this to go away! I didn't cry for awhile but now I'm crying again and I just miss him SO much. We were together for 3 years and he loved me so much. I messed up by taking him for granted but when I finally realized it, tables turned... and it was just all wrong timing. I still have a stupid hope that over time, things might work out but I HATE THINKING THAT!! Help me please.. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm a social person. I go out, have fun, go to work, etc. But it still eats me up... Time heals but I just feel like I'm at a standstill where I won't get any better... And I DREAD the day he ends up with someone else... I feel like that will be the day I go back to step 1 and I would not even know what to do with myself... Any advice please? I feel so lost and alone..