incomplete25 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 any story how the dumper regret of dumping his/her gf/bf? Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 I think these are mostly the miserable scorned people on here...who either got dumped, or had to dump someone who was treating them like ****e!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Sure, there are regrets that coming with dumping someone. You had to hurt a person you once loved deeply, you are letting a relationship go that once seemed like it would last forever, you are saying goodbye to a significant person in your life. That does not mean however, that a dumper regrets having let a person go. It happens from time to time, sure, but speaking from both the side of the dumpee, and the dumper, I think its safe to say - if someone is walking out of a relationship, and it isnt because of a major blowout incident (ie. a fight), then the breakup has already been calculated and weighed. Yeah, it sucks breaking up. For a while, you wonder if it was the right thing to do, you miss the person you've left, you may have weak moments where you want them back. But... in the end, you know that there was something that made the two of you incompatible, something that was significant enough to cause the breakup in the first place, and despite the love you may have for the person, or the longing you may occasionally feel, you as a dumper know that leaving the ex was the right thing to do. Some dumpers do feel they've ****ed up in dumping someone. It happens. I've seen it! But... I think a lot of these feelings of regret come at times when the dumper feels weak in their own life - they've hit a rough and lonely patch and suddenly remember the people who have cared for them in the past, and they miss them. Wanting an ex back in that situation is kind of an exit strategy, the guilt comes as a result of needing someone in a moment of despair or intense loneliness. Other times, dumpers feel regret because they realize their mistake and sincerely and deeply feel they must make amends. In these situations, sooner than later, the dumper makes and effort to win the person they've dumped back. This seems to be an incredibly rare outcome though. Since your ex has left you for someone else? Chances of him regretting his actions are pretty slim. Furthermore, if he comes back, it may very well be a result of his new relationship failing, rather than him seeing how much you meant to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author incomplete25 Posted January 29, 2009 Author Share Posted January 29, 2009 calling all dumpers lolz, please tell us your experiences Link to post Share on other sites
GoneButNotForgotten Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 In most cases I didn't really regret it. It wasn't fun or enjoyable. But I knew it had to be done before time was wasted between me and someone I was incompatible with. I've known people to completely regret there decision, but I think it was mostly a situation like Tokyo explained. They missed the companionship or something. Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 The first one was Shelly. I was young and insecure (well now I'm old and insecure but that's another topic). I guess at that very young age, I was just getting around to having a little more confidence with girls and wanted to play the field. I broke up with her and she hated my guts ever since. I regretted it for a while, and was hurt when she gave me the cold shoulder. Turned out that even though I was the one dumping, when she ultimately blew me off in return it took me a year or more to get over it. The next one was Valerie.. and almost the same exact thing happened. She got super clingy, I felt suffocated and dumped her. She then later hated my guts and to this day would not speak to me.. that was almost 20 years ago! After she rejected me back it took at least 2 years for me to really get over it. There's a point to this story I'm getting to.. because these were really the only 2 I ever regretted breaking up with at the time. What made the difference between them and the other girls I broke up with? They blew me off completely. Rejected me right back and made sure I knew they were much, much better off without me. So having said all of this you basically have 2 scenarios to work with: If you're the dumper, you had better be prepared to have this person out of your life forever, because they may just decide that they are in fact better off and never want to speak to you again. If you're the dumpee, and you really want to sting the dumper's ego, totally blow them off. Don't so much as give them the time of day. If they get anything from you, it should be about how great your life is now that you don't have them in it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
msjules Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I am in my 40s and my recent experience with being dumped is the first one for me, believe it or not. It's what brought me to LS. I have broken up with many, many guys in the past. I have never regretted leaving a relationship and always thought things over very carefully before breaking up with someone. I will say that this experience with being dumped has taught me a lot about how to break up with someone. I wonder if I have not been respectful enough of the dumpee in the past, I'm not sure. But I have never regretted walking away from any of the relationships I've left. Link to post Share on other sites
Template Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 If you're the dumpee, and you really want to sting the dumper's ego, totally blow them off. Don't so much as give them the time of day. If they get anything from you, it should be about how great your life is now that you don't have them in it. Y'know I had this discussions the other day with some people, and they all generally agreed - the best revenge for a dumpee is to live a well life. Link to post Share on other sites
Truly Lost Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I've been the dumper before. My current situation, I'm not sure who did the dumping. He was happy and I was not, but we got into a fight and because of our pride neither reconciled, but I still love him. Anyway, in regards to past relationships I have been the dumper. It was not a pleasant experience at all. I was so stressed out in one of my relationships that I had suffered through terrible migraines. I didn't break up with him out of spite. We weren't working and our relationship was going nowhere. I finally got up the courage (after 5 years together) to tell him I was moving out. I had started paying rent on a new place but I still stayed with him (for about 3 or 4 months). I don't know what the hell I was doing. He didn't pressure me to leave. In fact he was happy that I stayed. I guess it made it easier for him to accept that we were over. Although I stayed a while longer, no feelings resurfaced. I think I just needed relief from the horrible truth that it was absolutely over. I was really disappointed in the relationship and that it didn't grow into anything. I would have never considered marriage with him. I think he knew that. But I truly loved him. He was very good to me and I was good to him. I never cheated on him nor did he with me. We just fell out of love. Ugh!! I still talk to him today and we are good friends. He took me out for my birthday last week. And yes I do talk to him about my current and past boyfriends, but not in too much detail. He hasn't dated anyone since we broke up. Its been over 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Gere51 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I don't know if this is regret or not, but it's definitely behavior I never expected from my ex. We've been broken up for months, and in the meantime I started seeing someone else, only casually, however. After several months of NC by myself, I finally responded to one of her texts last week, since I've gotten to the point where I don't care if I ever see her again or not. I had heard nothing for quite some time and did not expect to hear from her again, so it did surprise me. Anyway, after I responded she started texting, calling, etc., and even started throwing out things at me as the "I miss you, I still love you", plus a few sexual innuendos. This went on for a couple of days with her initiating contact, so I finally asked her just what it was she wanted, as I wasn't playing the game. She then got a little defensive and said things had not changed, and she didn't want me back and even though she still was very attracted, she wanted to keep me in the "friendzone". Also said that when she told me that she loved me that it was only as "friends", ok, whatever. She wanted to see me this weekend, but I was not about to let that happen and didn't reciprocate, so then she gave me the "well, it's probably not a good idea for us to see each other since you won't be able to handle it when I start seeing someone else". I then told her that it didn't matter because I was already seeing someone and she got VERY upset. At first she was shocked, then it went to confusion on her part, then said if she ever saw me with someone she would probably kick her butt! Go figure. This is a woman that didn't want me now she's telling me this? Doesn't matter to me anymore but would this be regret, jealousy, or just pure selfishness on her part? Funny thing is that the next day she texted me as if nothing had ever happened to see how my morning was going. Simply don't understand this behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
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