dazedconfused Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Ok so originally i posted this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176216/ Since then I thought what the hell, checked ALOT of stuff online and figured id try an approach at reconciling it... I stopped talking about the relationship just focused on the time i was with her and everything was amazing... After we hung out like 3 times we started to get closer... I did some romantic things with her that I hadnt done before and in the middle of one of our dates.. She kissed me, i wasnt exactly ready for it nor was I expecting it but it came... Since then its almost like we are back together yet she often reminds me that we are still just "friends" We do all the things a couple would do, kiss, cuddle, etc.. Well today I spent the whole day with her and we went as far as to have sex again, before we did tho we sorta brought up how it wouldnt effect us or our "break" i was more in the "mood" then anything tho and am now feeling like wait up a minute I want this to effect us... i know she isnt ready for a relationship, but what does it all mean? Im really confused I mean she still doesnt want to be together but she seems to want to be able to do all the things we would do together... Any input or ideas on why its going this way or any advice on how to advance it to resolving the issues and breakup... Also we do talk about "us" often and its always a topic between us. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 If you're broken up, no kissing and no sex. You have to be clear on that. She doesn't get your intimacy while she's making up her mind. IMO, she's setting you up as a go-to guy if whatever else she's working on doesn't pan out. She'll feed you enough feminine wiles to keep your emotions engaged, but not invest completely. I think a few posters said essentially the same thing in your other thread. Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I can tell you from a girl's perspective, that the only way this woman is going to see you in a new light right now, is for you to disappear. And I mean disappear. You are far too attainable and far too easy. Plus you are willing to accept the crumbs she throws you. We women know when we're getting away with this with guys, just as you guys know when you're getting away with this with a woman. You need to disappear. Become unattainable. Do not even tell her you are disappearing. Just do it. Do not answer her calls, her emails, nothing. You do not owe her an explanation. She has lost interest in you and you have slipped into the "comfortable" keep around guy, until she finds someone who intrigues her more. So you need to intrigue her. And the only way to do this now, is to become unavailable. Make her wonder. Become a mystery. Suddenly you will have a lot more charm in her eyes. I guarantee. It's not just men who want what they don't have. Women can be the same. I'm not just telling you this. If you stick around like this, accepting her "friendship", you will soon slip out the back door as another guy waltz's in and charms her. And soon enough, she won't even care about your friendship. She just doesn't want to feel alone, which is why she is keeping you around right now. So do the disappearing act first. She may have broken up with you, but by suddenly ignoring her, it turns the tables on her. Make her feel the rejection without even telling her what you are doing. I guarantee, she will reassess breaking up with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 d&c, exactly what does she have to miss if you're doing everything you did before but without the commitment? Right now, you're enjoying her attention again. What will happen if she starts to date someone else at the same time? How will you feel? You fear loss. If you make the wrong move, you'll push her away. You tried to state your needs before by pushing her back towards a relationship and almost lost her. Now, she's got the entire whip hand, right? Or does she? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedconfused Posted January 20, 2009 Author Share Posted January 20, 2009 we'll she uses the "friend' thing as like a flirty excuse shes exclusive with just me... she hasnt been looking for other guys she's actually been spending all her free time with me, she said she doesnt want the relationship anytime soon but at the same time.. I know she is still kind of attached with me and my family. She told me when she kissed me it still didnt feel the same and so I said why even kiss me then, she said that eventhough it doesnt feel right she gets the urge too. Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Hmmmm....ok then....has she complained to you the last months before she broke up with you about any of your qualities? (ie. your career, lack of career, motivation, hobbies, friends, etc)????? Anything she was subliminally trying to change about you.....or any way she was trying to "direct" you??? Think really hard back over the last year. Was there anything she brought up about you and your living situation, or goals for the future, or just anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedconfused Posted January 20, 2009 Author Share Posted January 20, 2009 as a matter of fact yes, she told me she felt unappreciated and I started going through the last year and self-diagnosed everything I had done wrong I then talked to her about it and it seemed as though I had found everything that had upset her to this point since, I have steered clear of any of these things and done the exact opposite. Been a complete gentleman did things I should have done the first time changed how I talked to her basically shown her how much she means to me. It doesnt seem that she wants to be without me in her life but she said she doesnt want to settle on just anyone. She wants me or whoever it is to be perfect. I told her I would give her everything I could and show her the person I know I can now be. I know school is important to her and I have just recently re-enrolled and it seems to have put a positive spin on everything. I guess what im saying is she brought up that before we even considered doing anything I needed to first get my life together. Which I feel that I am now doing, could that possibly be why I feel she wants me but doesnt. Im thinking she's scared things will go back to they way they were but at the same time wants to make sure im deserving enough. I can still see the gleam inher eye when she looks at me, but I know shes not ready to give me a second chance.. I dont think breaking all contact with her would be good but today I did talk to her about keeping our space. And both of us agreed to no more sex or kissing until or if we work things out. I wanted to see if I would get less visits from her or if her plans would suddenly change (trying to see if i was strictly business) and it hasnt so I thing she truly does care but is not forsure just yet what is it I need to give her? More time? Continue to do the things im doing or change in some way? Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I guess what im saying is she brought up that before we even considered doing anything I needed to first get my life together. This is it! I knew it! She doesn't want to settle for less than she deserves, so she has pulled back to "friends status" for now....to make sure you follow thru on all your promises to get yourself together. She is leary of allowing herself to be committed to you right now, because she fears you will slip back to the way it was. And she doesn't want to be with you if it's going to be the way it was, and you are going to be the way you are. So she's protecting herself by keeping you in her life, yet using "friends status". Live with it for now. And keep on doing what you are doing. She dangling on a thread, I tell you. She is giving you the opportunity to get your sh*t together...and really get it together...but she doesnt' all together trust that you will. Which is again, why the "friends status". So she can run the minute she sees you getting lazy or going back to the way you were. Bingo! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dazedconfused Posted January 21, 2009 Author Share Posted January 21, 2009 thanks alot for the help i had a hard time figuring it out exactly but I think ive got the idea of what I need to do lol im glad its atleast a breakup where there is a chance Link to post Share on other sites
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