Helioz Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 okay so our relationship ended over an argument about a month ago where she called it off. Christmas day she sends me this text "Happy Holidays! i hope your family has a great time! say hi to your parents for me!" Notice the happiness in her text?Well my reply is not that happy at all which is really bugging the hell out of me right now because i feel like maybe i should of answered more merrily. Buy basically this was my exact text-- "merry christmas to you and your whole family. have fun." I feel like such an a-hole because the message seems very.... neutral or not caring. Was i too harsh? i mean basically it just bugs me that my text to her can be taken a lot of ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Riffmeister General Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 You know most people here are going to ask why the hell you replied in the first place... Don't feel guilty for ANYTHING you've done post-breakup. I felt guilty for not giving her her Xmas presents after she left mine here, but now I feel entitled to them, and indeed am wearing one now, which is pretty empowering, actually. Link to post Share on other sites
starzphalling Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 just because you didn't include a smiley face, doesn't mean she didn't take it merrily. remember texting is just that its text, text has no inflection, its all up to the person reading it to interpret it the way they want to. either way don't worry, nothing you can do about it now. Link to post Share on other sites
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 i got a happy christmas text too. and i replied. i wouldn't worry about the tone if i were you. i know the whole "NC" thing LS advocates. I'm seriously beginning to see how important it is. but i'm seeing it more as I will not be the one to initiate contact? if he initiates contact, of course depending on what reason, i will contact him. i mightn't be familiar with him. i would be civil. as horrible as things were in the end, i see no reason not to be civil. i don't see it as making myself easily available when i have no intention of going b back there anyway. but he seems to be helping me on my way to healing by not contacting me anyway. i hope that continues! Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I don't see anything at all wrong with your reply. If anything, it sounded somewhat dismissive - which isn't a bad thing. I mean, why shouldn't it be? Don't over-noodle this. I think your reply was perfect. Have you heard from her since then? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I agree with Angel... And I wouldn't worry about coming off sounding harsh or mean when you are broken up! You don't owe her anything. You can look at your slight break in NC as throwing a scrap to her. Just simply go back to NC and continue ignoring her. If she wants to try and keep the dialogue open by texting again, just go back on ignore mode. I had a couple ex's send me merry x-mas texts... I onnly responded because it was, well, X-MAS... and it's a weak day to remain silent. Link to post Share on other sites
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 i agree with both angel and D-lish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helioz Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 I don't see anything at all wrong with your reply. If anything, it sounded somewhat dismissive - which isn't a bad thing. I mean, why shouldn't it be? Don't over-noodle this. I think your reply was perfect. Have you heard from her since then? nope i have not. The thing is that i will inevitably see her when we get back from winter break. We go to the same college and do research under the same professor in the same lab. As a result, this is the reason why i want things to be civil Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 nope i have not. The thing is that i will inevitably see her when we get back from winter break. We go to the same college and do research under the same professor in the same lab. As a result, this is the reason why i want things to be civil Don't get too hung up on being civil. I mean, that's fine, but don't let it rule your feelings or reactions when she contacts you in private. Besides, there was nothing uncivil about your response. You can always be friendly, without being friends. There was nothing in your text to indicate anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helioz Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Don't get too hung up on being civil. I mean, that's fine, but don't let it rule your feelings or reactions when she contacts you in private. Besides, there was nothing uncivil about your response. You can always be friendly, without being friends. There was nothing in your text to indicate anything else. yeah, its just that i kinda have hopes of rekindling the relationship and i feel like i blew it with that text. I just felt like she was reaching out and i just pushed her away. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 yeah, its just that i kinda have hopes of rekindling the relationship and i feel like i blew it with that text. I just felt like she was reaching out and i just pushed her away. I think she was reaching out, too, but trust me, it's not always a bad thing to be a little distant. It'll just cause her to think more about you and what she lost. When you're the dumpee, the best thing is to be a little reserved for awhile. Wait until you get back to college but don't dive back in too quick. Let things evolve slowly. If you both want to get back together, that's great. But you had better figure out what went wrong because if you don't, it'll just all happen again. I guarantee it. Link to post Share on other sites
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Dude you may be the second person tonight who I feel has lost their mind. You think you blew the whole thing because your txt wasn't happy enough? You've got to be kidding me. Someone get this guy into a psych. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helioz Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Dude you may be the second person tonight who I feel has lost their mind. You think you blew the whole thing because your txt wasn't happy enough? You've got to be kidding me. Someone get this guy into a psych. lol...thank you for putting it into perspective good sir. what can i say, im blinded by my emotions right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Tinkerbelll Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 okay so our relationship ended over an argument about a month ago where she called it off. Christmas day she sends me this text "Happy Holidays! i hope your family has a great time! say hi to your parents for me!" Notice the happiness in her text?Well my reply is not that happy at all which is really bugging the hell out of me right now because i feel like maybe i should of answered more merrily. Buy basically this was my exact text-- "merry christmas to you and your whole family. have fun." I feel like such an a-hole because the message seems very.... neutral or not caring. Was i too harsh? i mean basically it just bugs me that my text to her can be taken a lot of ways. Listen, I received the same text and I replied with anothe one full of enthusiasm like "Thank you! I hope the New Year will bring you everything you desidere. Kiss!" And even though, there was no reply from him. I wondered, did I have to reply in a more neutral tone or not replay at all. And you know what? It's pretty much the same, they do not love us anymore, that's the point! Link to post Share on other sites
kimflute26 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Yeah... definitely blinded by emotions. Look... SHE broke up with YOU, remember? Honestly it would've been stranger if you had responded back with "Merry Christmas to you and your whole family! Have fun!!! :)". Exact message but seems much cheerier, right? But at the same time it seems fake, cheesy, weird, and lots of other things. I mean come on.... she dumped you and she knows it hurt you, so why would she expect you to be super cheery or even respond at all? Look at it this way - If she really was ever going to take you back anyway she would show that she's serious about doing that.. and she certainly wouldn't let a perfectly civil response from you turn her off. It's GOOD that you weren't overly happy in your reply... you know, preserve your dignity a bit! Link to post Share on other sites
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