beautifull_disasterr Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I need some serious advice...here is the deal...was dating a guy for five months...we were "in love" and monogamous...a get a call a day after christmas from his ex-wife telling me how they are sleeping together..i confront him and he owns up to it and i find out that he is also having a relationship with another woman...why do i feel like begging him to take me back?...i don't even recognize this needy dependent woman... Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 And you'd like us to...? Link to post Share on other sites
Riffmeister General Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Totally understandable. It's new and fresh, and you're in the stage where you miss the guy you thought you had. The guy you thought you had is dead. He's no more, a figment of your imagination. The real guy you want to take you back is a dirty cheat who can't keep his Sergeant-Major in his pants for 5 minutes. You don't need him, he's not what you miss. Who you miss is some guy who won't do that to you, who you haven't met yet, and won't as long as you want this snake to take you back. Word. (I'm embarrassed about the extent to which I've developed an Americanised English vernacular. Terrible...) Link to post Share on other sites
jc Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 It's okay to feel like begging him to take you back...just don't do it! You'll thank yourself for it later. I think that Riffmeister's right, you're in shock. The person you thought you had a good relationship with turned out to be someone else entirely. So you're missing the person you thought he was. You're grieving the loss of that other person. But the real person has emerged and he doesn't deserve you! Not only was he unfaithful and was intimate with not one, but TWO other women, he was lying to you while he was doing this. And he was putting your sexual health at risk as well, which is really unfair and scary. Sometimes I think my brain has two halves. There's the emotional half that hangs onto the relationship, feels despair, says things like "I'm always going to be alone", "He was so great, I'll never meet someone as good as him", etc. etc. But these emotions are just being distorted right now, they're not true. Then there's the rational half of my brain, the part that says a) he left me, so why would I want to be with HIM?, b) He was not all that great, especially how he treated me in the end, is this really what I want for myself? Try talking to the rational part of your brain for a bit. Even if you don't completely believe it right now, it helps to tell the other side of the story and not just get lost in the overwhelming waves of emotion. And try following that thought through, that thought of begging him to take you back. So imagine that you beg him to take you back? Then what? You feel some immediate emotions of relief, hurray! the crisis is over, you're not alone and you're back together! But then what? Could you trust him again? How could you trust him again? Would you even really want to try? Hang in there and don't worry about feeling weak right now, everyone feels that way sometimes. It's just part of what makes us human I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Bella Jordan Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I think you feel this way because on one level, you feel as though you've been rejected and you think that his taking you back would give you the validation you need. In addition, you miss your friend and lover. This person had become a constant in your life and being forced to suddenly deal with his absence is devastating. The best thing you can do is initiate NC now. The recovery won't be easy, but I promise you you WILL reach a point where you no longer feel the need to call him up and beg him to take you back. Link to post Share on other sites
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