onemorecupofcoffee Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I think my last post was too long so I'm going to try this again. I was not very happy in our relationship and he felt it too-- he developed "mixed feelings," and part of him didn't want to throw everything out the window but the other part just wanted to "chill out" as he put it. We're a long distance couple, so I don't think we know each other as well as most couples do, but the memories we've shared are unforgettable and we really did have an amazing connection. The breakup was mutual and very warm, impossible as that might sound. We both admitted to still having feelings for each other. And he has never remained friends with an ex; he usually tries to forget everything about them. But he wanted to stay not just friends, but close. And he said he will be hitting me up, if I don't ignore him... I know we both have those feelings, even if this might not have been the right time - distance made this just too hard. And it's crazy because we don't really know each other all that well, but we had such a beautiful relationship when it was going well. My dream is that we go on with our lives and stay friends, and perhaps reconnect when the time is right later on down the road. Can this happen? I was thinking of a few ground rules in my head - that we just wouldn't talk about anyone else we meet to each other, and if we were dating other people, we both would understand and cool the "friends" thing. But once I started thinking that, I started to also realize that this could turn out very bad and I got scared. I know the best advice is just to move on and forget about him and if it's meant to be it will happen... I guess I just don't really feel like we truly broke up because we both still have feelings. Even if we don't have the title anymore, even though we had problems... I feel I still love him. I was ready to work on it and am just sad that he wasn't ready to put in that same work. Everytime he would screw up, I would take a deep breath, assess the situation without getting angry, and try to work through it with him and talk it out. He didn't have the same strategy - not a very good communicator and when we had our last argument, I was sad to see how quickly doubts formed in his head, after all the fighting I did to keep us going. The only problems we had were when I would feel unhappy because he was or wasn't doing something, and I would always calmly and rationally explain myself without getting emotional. Do some guys, after breaking up, ever think that maybe they didn't do all they could to make it work and regret the breakup? That's how I felt in my last relationship - that regret because I didn't think I did all I could. But this time around, I truly feel like I did, and that he didn't do all he could to make it work. Of course, if he didn't feel for me, that would be different. But he was clear that he did feel for me still, and that he just didn't know how to handle it when things weren't all fun and games... whereas I was in it in good times AND bad times. I guess I'm wondering really if anyone has any advice as to how I should go about this. I don't want to do NC, but I will wait for him to contact me first. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 if he's dating someone new and talks about her, and all the exciting things there doing, and how he's really happy. You know all the things a friend would tell a friend, will it bother you alot? Just answer that. Link to post Share on other sites
FF84 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 That's not a mutual break up. There is no such thing, ok you might not have fallen out or argued and you may wish to stay in contact, but the fact you still have hopes that one day it might work out ok means this is far from mutual. Do you really want to spend months, maybe years, waiting for something to happen? What sort of friendship are you looking for, if it's long distance anyway then how is it going to be that different? It's nice to be civil to be exes if you can and to remain on good terms, but as far as genuine friendships go then they're pointless and pretty fake. At best you'll get a watered down version of what you had before. At worst you'll waste your time hoping for it to develop into something more and you'll just end up getting hurt. I know the best advice is just to move on and forget about him So take that advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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