iwanttolive Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I know it's my fault that i'm feeling like this now. Pls talk me through this... I told myself not to hope that we'll get back together. I told myself to move on and live. But my intention and actions were totally uncoordinated. I gave him a chance to initiate conversation (I never initiated) but it backfired against me. He told me he loved me 2 days ago. Then today he is not online and it killed me! Wow, it's unbelievable how his absence affects me soooo much!!! Pls talk to me. It's so painful... And my thoughts are becoming uncontrollable. It hit me that he's NOT that into me. And it's painful to think how he's REALLY into the girl he had pursued for 2 yrs but unsuccessful. Helpppppppppppppp.............. I'm feeling super crap. That's an understatement. I'm in a dazed, in fact. Some of my co-workers asked me if I'm alright, because they could see from my face that i'm messed up! Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I'm not sure there's anything I can say that will make it easier. I am battling some sadness now, myself. Someone I care very much for is seeing someone else, plus getting closer to his ex. So basically, there are two women that have replaced me. I want to be his friend, which I think is all he wants from me, but I'm battling with my pride on whether I can do that. He told you he loved you two days ago? And you're upset that he's not online? What would stop you from calling him, with him telling you something like that? Why would he say that to you if he's in deep with someone else? You need to find something to do to take your mind off things. Read a book, go for a walk, anything to shift your thinking. I'm doing the same to help me along, too. They don't want us, or if they did, they'd be in our lives. Take care of yourself so you're ready and healthy when someone comes along who does want to be there for you in the right way. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwanttolive Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 Thanks for your reply, Audrey.. I'm not calling him because I do not want him to know how crazy I am about him He wanted us to be friends first and take things slow though he said he still cares much for me in a special way. When he said he loved me 2 days ago, I acted cool. Because I do not want him to take me for granted and think that I'm always available to him. BUT... I'm actually real screwed up inside and at the end of my nerves! I'm going crazy............... arrrrggggghhhhhhh.... Bloody him! Why is he so heartless?????? Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I'm not sure that he is heartless. If he made himself available to you, and you kept pushing him away, then eventually they will go away. What other choice would they have? Deal with our neurotic ways? No, they find someone else, and this other person probably isn't even someone they care much about at all, but it beats being around someone who won't break down the walls worrying about something that may not exist or hasn't happened yet. Trust me. This is where I am now when it comes to my situation. I screwed it up by being emotionally wishy-washy and flaky. Chalk it up to a learning experience and try not to repeat the behavior. There is probably nothing that will save your relationship with this guy now. He probably will not give you another chance. I'm sorry to say that, but it's probably true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iwanttolive Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 I felt so comfortable after talking to him. But I know if I don't hear from him in the next 24 hours, I'd feel tormented again! I texted him because I was worried my coldness pushed him away. Turned out he worked until 7 am in the morning from last night. He just got out of bed when I texted him after lunch. He was all nice n caring. But I really worry, if I continue to be at my nerve end, I will ruin things ultimately. How do I keep my cool and be attractive? This is so NOT me. When I first met him, I was such a cool person. Now, I'm a screwed up person. What do I do to gain back my composure?? Audrey, I was not trying to be hard on him. It's just that he was unsure of his feeling. I felt I always gave my love too fast in all my relationship and my ex-es did not appreciate me. Link to post Share on other sites
californiadreaming Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Isn't all of this so weird? I have never been in a serious rs and have it end. The pain at times seems so unbearable. But, yet we still rise to see another day. One day it's high, and by the end of the day it's low. It is very strange, and honestly it sucks! It sucks to know that another human can affect another human so badly. I mean I am a few days shy of a month of not only seeing my ex, but us breaking up, and I feel like I did when it first happen. I at this point am trying hard, I am reading, bettering myself, and everything. But, sad to say.. I am doing it for me, and her. I know she might not come back but I pray so hard that she does. If it is time that it will take for me to have a second chance, then so be it. Its gonna hurt like hell/it hurts like hell... but, I am willing to do whatever it takes to better prepare myself for her. - All I do is pray, what is greater then prayer? Link to post Share on other sites
Dmoney28 Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Hang in there sweetheart. I know its bad. But we all are going through this together. Some worse than others. But give yourself time to cry and grieve. You need to get those emotions out. Each day does get better. I know everone says that...hell i didnt believe it either. But it does. 4 months for me after the breakup and i feel better than month 1. Month 1 i was a hot mess. It still stings now. But not as bad. I had LC the entire time, which hurts worse in a way, cuz your stuck in this limbo til the other person descides what to do. But i started NC. Day 2 for me, and im feeling a little better. It was the first time i didnt return her call. I just have to emotionaly prepare myself for negative. So hang tough...be strong...and post here to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
californiadreaming Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 Hang in there sweetheart. I know its bad. But we all are going through this together. Some worse than others. But give yourself time to cry and grieve. You need to get those emotions out. Each day does get better. I know everone says that...hell i didnt believe it either. But it does. 4 months for me after the breakup and i feel better than month 1. Month 1 i was a hot mess. It still stings now. But not as bad. I had LC the entire time, which hurts worse in a way, cuz your stuck in this limbo til the other person descides what to do. But i started NC. Day 2 for me, and im feeling a little better. It was the first time i didnt return her call. I just have to emotionaly prepare myself for negative. So hang tough...be strong...and post here to vent. You decided to go NC DMoney? -wow, what happen between last Sunday and today? I haven't been here all week, I have been seriously on the j-o-b hunt. Link to post Share on other sites
Dmoney28 Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 I made a choice to go NC. Its been like 4 months. And this woman still cant make up her mind. Its like she wants to be friends, but then she keeps dropping hints about us starting over in the future. But she still wont forgive me. She's all over the place. Which is understandable after what i did. But at this point she is playing games. Espeacially with that whole myspace thing. So time to implement the "Take away". Something to give her a incentive to make her mind up at some point. My "take away" is my time, txt's and lenghty phone calls. She always gets upset when i say we cant talk anymore. So NC as far as emails and txt's. Calls will be returned IF and thats a maybe IF i get a voice mail. No voice mail...no call back. During this NC i will be getting better. Tired of these games really. Its a damn shame two adults cant sit down and talk openly and honestly. And yeah...im doing the Job thing as well. She is always asking if im working yet...or she emails me job fair stuff. This Job situation sucks @$$. This is one reason why were not back together. Her parents think im a slacker. But anyway, i live in Southern California...Inland Empire. What neck of the woods are you from Cali? Link to post Share on other sites
californiadreaming Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 I am in the SGV - San Gangsta Valley - lol, yea In West Covina, so we are locals. Man, as much as I wish I was at the LC stage, your situation sounds stressful. I agree with you, and you would think that after that long of a relationship that you would be able to sit, and figure it all out, but for some reason that is not the case. I tonight am a wreck, I already have had 2 24oz Coronas, and have been telling myself that I am going to bed. But I still for some reason am sitting here, listening to Ralfi Pagan, looking at pictures of me and my ex on this computer. I feel like this ish is fake, a nightmare, not real. - I am so hopeful, but so scared at the same time. I know that I have done bad things to people, and this is probably my karma, but gosh this is crazy. How people make it through this? - idunno! It seems impossible, let alone, manageable. But, I still awake, and pray. I apologize, I am venting.. I have been good all week, that call I had form my ex last Sunday, motivated me highly this week it was the opposite of the virus, but for some reason it all hit me tonight. Well, my younger brothers in town for the Holidays, and he asked me to take him to get some shoes from a store less then a mile from my exs house, and that pretty much triggered it. The funny thing is how I got all gq'd as if I was gonna run into her. lol, what a fool. Man, I miss this woman so much, it is not funny. I wish you people knew where I came from to see where I have come. I am proud of myself, and although I feel patience is the test I am dealing with in order to recieve the blessings that God has in store for me, patience seems harder to deal with then it ever has. This stuff is ca - raze - e! Link to post Share on other sites
justdoe Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 You will live. One thing is CERTAIN. A broken heart can't kill you. Just relax. I know it's hard. Take a lil as I call them "scientific study". Meaning just sit back and leave your online status as offline. Self restraint will give you strength. He may be thinking very similar things that you are. Without Pain we would never appreciate the good things as much as we do. Keep your head up. Cry if you need or want. Let all of this fall into place as it were meant to be. I am scared to bits to about what I am up against. But I know that I don't control the decisions of others. You may not know me, but I feel your pain. More than you will ever know. Seems like the only friends I have are the "faceless" ones. The people online who don't look at you and judge. They help me cope and gain understanding and perspective. You are not alone justdoe Link to post Share on other sites
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