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Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 1st April 2002, 10:10 PM   #1
Sara
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rebound

I recently broke up with my boyfriend (I strongly suspected he was cheating). I miss him so much and am having trouble getting over him. Is it healthier to feel sad and greive over this or should I just try to have fun and be happy and forget about him? I feel much better if I can just forget.
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Old 1st April 2002, 11:14 PM   #2
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Re: rebound

It's much better to feel whatever feelings you have, to feel the grief and to go through the stages of healing now than to try to put those off by drowning yourself in other things.

No matter how much to try to have fun and be happy, you won't be able to pull it off anyway because you'll still be thinking of your sadness.

What happened to you was very serious and very hurtful. It takes a while to heal and regain the capacity to trust. But you can do it. Give yourself whatever time you need...but, by all means, spend time with friends doing things. And spend time alone, being nice to yourself and exploring new things you've been putting off doing for yourself. Just don't think you can go out and rock 'n roll and forget your troubles because it just doesn't work that way.

Different people take different amounts of time to recover from a break-up involving betrayal. You can work through it on your own or you can get help from books or a good counsellor.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Some men are jerks...but certainly not all of them.
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Old 1st April 2002, 11:58 PM   #3
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Re: rebound

I believe its all in the mind, you have the ability to let in and let go of what you choose. The best thing for you is to stay away from him. To go about your business, and not give him a second thought.

Once a cheate, I believe always a cheater. You know your better than that. Take it as an insult, not to heart.

Quote:
It's much better to feel whatever feelings you have, to feel the grief and to go through the stages of healing now than to try to put those off by drowning yourself in other things. No matter how much to try to have fun and be happy, you won't be able to pull it off anyway because you'll still be thinking of your sadness.

What happened to you was very serious and very hurtful. It takes a while to heal and regain the capacity to trust. But you can do it. Give yourself whatever time you need...but, by all means, spend time with friends doing things. And spend time alone, being nice to yourself and exploring new things you've been putting off doing for yourself. Just don't think you can go out and rock 'n roll and forget your troubles because it just doesn't work that way. Different people take different amounts of time to recover from a break-up involving betrayal. You can work through it on your own or you can get help from books or a good counsellor. I'm sorry this happened to you. Some men are jerks...but certainly not all of them.
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Old 2nd April 2002, 11:21 AM   #4
Sue
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Re: rebound

What I would recommend is taking the time to heal, and to make sure that you will not just be taking all your unresolved feelings into a new relationship. I think it is fine and important to be out with people and doing things that will help you regain your self respect - I would just recommend not plunging head first into a new serious relationship. Take care, and I hope your heart heals very soon!
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Old 3rd April 2002, 9:47 PM   #5
Angel
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Re: rebound

Oh, I know about this one first hand. It took me a year to get over the horrible feelings of betrayal. No matter what I did his lying and cheating would just "pop" into my head. It hurt so bad--it was so painful, it felt like a death.

It's been almost two years now, and now I thank God I caught him at it! I am so glad I found out, (I immediately broke up with him) and that I didn't ruin my life with this cheater! It takes time, but be glad you found out. It sounds ironic, but sometimes I thank him in my mind because I wouldn't have found my new boyfriend who treats me like a queen if it hadn't been for his cheating.

Good luck and be patient with yourself. Go out, keep yourself busy--that really helps.
Quote:
It's much better to feel whatever feelings you have, to feel the grief and to go through the stages of healing now than to try to put those off by drowning yourself in other things. No matter how much to try to have fun and be happy, you won't be able to pull it off anyway because you'll still be thinking of your sadness.

What happened to you was very serious and very hurtful. It takes a while to heal and regain the capacity to trust. But you can do it. Give yourself whatever time you need...but, by all means, spend time with friends doing things. And spend time alone, being nice to yourself and exploring new things you've been putting off doing for yourself. Just don't think you can go out and rock 'n roll and forget your troubles because it just doesn't work that way. Different people take different amounts of time to recover from a break-up involving betrayal. You can work through it on your own or you can get help from books or a good counsellor. I'm sorry this happened to you. Some men are jerks...but certainly not all of them.
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