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Getting over?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 18th March 2002, 11:22 AM   #1
Ellen
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Getting over?

How can I get over someone. We broke up 8 months ago and we still talk on the phone and see one another once in a while. He called me two weeks ago and told me he still has feelings for me and wants to get back togehter. I was the best thing that ever happened to me etc. I don't want to get back together, but I did not realize it until we went out to dinner last night. He tried to kiss me good night when I got out of the car. All I could think of is I loved him, but I wanted to be married and have children. I had waited for him for 3 years and he told me he does not want any more children or a future. He has children from his prior relationship and he does not see marriage or children as what he wants out of life. I do though. We broke up not because we did not love each other but because we wanted different things out of life. I am in my mid 30's heading towards 40. What should I do to get over him? or am a I making a big mistake. Maybe I will be to old to care soon.
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Old 18th March 2002, 11:52 AM   #2
lonely girl
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Re: Getting over?

I recently ended a relationship for similar reasons: I was dating someone who I loved dearly and we had a wonderful year together. It was a natural, loving relationship where we both gave so much to each other. BUT the reality is that there was no future because we are at entirely different stages in our lives. This is so painful and difficult to accept, but by ending the relationship I know I will find something better for me. Even if you love someone, if you want different things out of life, you will be disappointed and will end up resenting each other because of these differences.

I know you love this man, but it seems like he isn't willing to compromise. You shouldn't have to give up your desire for a family. I don't see how you can be truly happy if you both aren't on the same 'page'. It sounds like you are giving up too much for this guy. It shouldn't be this hard; I think there is someone out there for you who would love to have a family with you and would cherish you. You will go through some short term pain, but in the big picture you will be happier, I think.

The only way to move on is to get this guy out of your life. Don't see him anymore. Don't talk to him. He cannot make the sacrifices for you, and you deserve better. You are putting yourself through unnecessary pain by continuing to have contact with him. Be strong. Be brave. Do what you know you have to do to get over this man. And believe me, in time, once you heal, someone will walk into your life and you will be so glad you didn't settle for what this guy is offering you. I am going through the process of letting go myself right now and it does hurt. But somehow I know deep deep inside that it's the right thing.
Quote:
How can I get over someone. We broke up 8 months ago and we still talk on the phone and see one another once in a while. He called me two weeks ago and told me he still has feelings for me and wants to get back togehter. I was the best thing that ever happened to me etc. I don't want to get back together, but I did not realize it until we went out to dinner last night. He tried to kiss me good night when I got out of the car. All I could think of is I loved him, but I wanted to be married and have children. I had waited for him for 3 years and he told me he does not want any more children or a future. He has children from his prior relationship and he does not see marriage or children as what he wants out of life. I do though. We broke up not because we did not love each other but because we wanted different things out of life. I am in my mid 30's heading towards 40. What should I do to get over him? or am a I making a big mistake. Maybe I will be to old to care soon.
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Old 18th March 2002, 7:03 PM   #3
Delice
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Re: Getting over?

The trials and tribulations of love!

Thinking with your head and not your heart can be a huge task in itself. It can be a challenge for the most emotionally mature of people.

What really grabbed my attention in your post is the fact that the two of you want different things. He is not prepared to give you what you want out of life and by no means should you settle for less, simply because you love him. The chances of him providing you with the child you long for are very slim. I understand that must be a very painful thing for you to know.

I would suggest that if you want to move on in life and work towards the goal of a happy marriage with children, that cutting contact with this man would be a good start. You will not be moving anywhere fast if you continue to put yourself in a position where you are longing for what is not realistic. You need to give yourself an opportunity to

get what you want and that may start with letting go of anything that is holding back.

It is so much easier to aim towards happiness than it is to stay in a situation that hurts and is going nowhere. Give yourself what you deserve, because it is highly attainable with the right person.
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Old 18th March 2002, 7:48 PM   #4
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Re: Getting over?

Brake off contact with him, and go live the life you dream of. Be strong, and be kind to yourself. Live the life you want.

If you decide to live yours around his, you may find down the road that you wish you had made right decision
Quote:
The trials and tribulations of love! Thinking with your head and not your heart can be a huge task in itself. It can be a challenge for the most emotionally mature of people. What really grabbed my attention in your post is the fact that the two of you want different things. He is not prepared to give you what you want out of life and by no means should you settle for less, simply because you love him. The chances of him providing you with the child you long for are very slim. I understand that must be a very painful thing for you to know. I would suggest that if you want to move on in life and work towards the goal of a happy marriage with children, that cutting contact with this man would be a good start. You will not be moving anywhere fast if you continue to put yourself in a position where you are longing for what is not realistic. You need to give yourself an opportunity to get what you want and that may start with letting go of anything that is holding back. It is so much easier to aim towards happiness than it is to stay in a situation that hurts and is going nowhere. Give yourself what you deserve, because it is highly attainable with the right person.
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