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Still in love with ex


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

 
 
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Old 18th April 2002, 4:31 AM   #1
Veronica
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Still in love with ex

Greetings!


My ex has moved on. We had been together 6 years and although I know he was curious about being with others, I didn't think he would actually get into another relationship, at least not for awhile. He has been with his new partner for almost a year now and things seem to be great. It does make me happy that he is happy and I want what he wants, however, I will be honest that I am still in love with him. I know it is a bad idea and I have tried many times to move on and let go, but it just isn't happening. I know many would say that I have no choice, etc., but I really feel like this guy was the one and he got away. I am wondering if once the person has moved on, does that pretty much mean they are over their ex and that more times than not, they dont' go back to the ex? I know my chances look pretty bad, but has anyone experienced the reverse where things do work out and the person does go back to their ex? I see myself in a lose lose situation here and I don't feel like I have any way out- what do I do?


Thanks in advance !
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Old 18th April 2002, 7:25 AM   #2
BeenThere
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Re: Still in love with ex

Ouch! I know how it must hurt. But there IS a way out, and a "choice" if you choose to take it. No one is holding you back except yourself. Decide which to follow: your heart or your head. When you stop struggling between the two you will finally know the answer...

Quote:
Greetings!
My ex has moved on. We had been together
6 years and although I know he was curious about being with others, I didn't think he would actually get into another relationship, at least not for awhile. He has been with his new partner for almost a year now and things seem to be great. It does make me happy that he is happy and I want what he wants, however, I will be honest that I am still in love with him. I know it is a bad idea and I have tried many times to move on and let go, but it just isn't happening. I know many would say that I have no choice, etc., but I really feel like this guy was the one and he got away. I am wondering if once the person has moved on, does that pretty much mean they are over their ex and that more times than not, they dont' go back to the ex? I know my chances look pretty bad, but has anyone experienced the reverse where things do work out and the person does go back to their ex? I see myself in a lose lose situation here and I don't feel like I have any way out- what do I do? Thanks in advance !
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Old 18th April 2002, 7:29 AM   #3
Rachel
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Been There is absolutely right!!

Quote:
Ouch! I know how it must hurt. But there IS a way out, and a "choice" if you choose to take it. No one is holding you back except yourself. Decide which to follow: your heart or your head. When you stop struggling between the two you will finally know the answer...
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Old 18th April 2002, 7:52 AM   #4
arthropod98
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Re: Still in love with ex

my guess is that you still have contact with this person?? if so, then that's the problem. he's obviously moved-on, and it's time for you to do the same, rather than trying to hold on to something that will probably never be.
Quote:
Greetings!
My ex has moved on. We had been together
6 years and although I know he was curious about being with others, I didn't think he would actually get into another relationship, at least not for awhile. He has been with his new partner for almost a year now and things seem to be great. It does make me happy that he is happy and I want what he wants, however, I will be honest that I am still in love with him. I know it is a bad idea and I have tried many times to move on and let go, but it just isn't happening. I know many would say that I have no choice, etc., but I really feel like this guy was the one and he got away. I am wondering if once the person has moved on, does that pretty much mean they are over their ex and that more times than not, they dont' go back to the ex? I know my chances look pretty bad, but has anyone experienced the reverse where things do work out and the person does go back to their ex? I see myself in a lose lose situation here and I don't feel like I have any way out- what do I do? Thanks in advance !
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Old 18th April 2002, 8:22 AM   #5
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Re: Still in love with ex

I know how you feel. Sometimes I still feel like I'm in love with my ex, who has moved on with a new person. And I feel like I'm never going to love and be loved by anyone else.

But the weird thing is that I think that getting back together tends to work only when both parties had let go and weren't clutching at the shreds of the failed relationship. It's only when you let go completely that you will gain full awareness of what was wrong with the relationship from your perspective, and you'll know what you want going forward -- from any relationship, with anyone. Letting go completely is good for you, so that when/if you have the opportunity to give your ex another try, you do so because you, a whole and healthy person, wish to do so. Not because you, a desperately lonely person, are willing to compromise yourself to hold on to a flawed piece of the past.

And, maybe I'm wrong in this, but I think that in the dynamics of relationships, letting go after a break-up makes sense. If you are that important to your ex (and you have to be if it's something that's going to work, you wouldn't want to get back together with someone who wasn't completely enthusiastic about you, right?) he will feel your loss. Even if he doesn't act on it right away. If he never acts on it, you haven't lost anything. Does that make sense?

God it sucks, doesn't it? My ex broke up with me just over a year ago. I'm still recovering. But I am recovering.

One more thing: until you let go of having your ex at the center of your hopes & your emotional life, you won't be in a position to meet anyone else. Which makes it harder to move on. One of life's cruel ironies ...
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Old 19th April 2002, 7:19 PM   #6
Angel
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Re: Still in love with ex

The problem is two-fold. You are probably still in contact with your X---and in your case, that is not a good idea. And, I'll bet you ten to one, he is probably giving you double messages-ever so subtle they be! Solution: Stop all contact with him, this will allow you to move on. It will take a little while, but it will do the trick! Good luck.
Quote:
I know how you feel. Sometimes I still feel like I'm in love with my ex, who has moved on with a new person. And I feel like I'm never going to love and be loved by anyone else. But the weird thing is that I think that getting back together tends to work only when both parties had let go and weren't clutching at the shreds of the failed relationship. It's only when you let go completely that you will gain full awareness of what was wrong with the relationship from your perspective, and you'll know what you want going forward -- from any relationship, with anyone. Letting go completely is good for you, so that when/if you have the opportunity to give your ex another try, you do so because you, a whole and healthy person, wish to do so. Not because you, a desperately lonely person, are willing to compromise yourself to hold on to a flawed piece of the past. And, maybe I'm wrong in this, but I think that in the dynamics of relationships, letting go after a break-up makes sense. If you are that important to your ex (and you have to be if it's something that's going to work, you wouldn't want to get back together with someone who wasn't completely enthusiastic about you, right?) he will feel your loss. Even if he doesn't act on it right away. If he never acts on it, you haven't lost anything. Does that make sense? God it sucks, doesn't it? My ex broke up with me just over a year ago. I'm still recovering. But I am recovering. One more thing: until you let go of having your ex at the center of your hopes & your emotional life, you won't be in a position to meet anyone else. Which makes it harder to move on. One of life's cruel ironies ...
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