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Affectionate to NC in 2 days


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Old 19th March 2008, 12:58 PM   #1
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Affectionate to NC in 2 days

This is a more detailed account of our story. I have posted before but am hoping for some female opinions.

My GF and I started dating in early December. By the end of the month we were exclusive. A few weeks later, maybe she got scared how close she was getting, she wanted to go back to dating and we have been there since. We both agree that our dates are always amazing and that we both enjoy each other’s company. We have great chemistry together and are very affectionate with each other.

We both have full careers, her's a little more so than mine. She also has a father who is ill and combined with work and finishing school, we see each other once a week, and talk on the phone at least 3-4 times a week.

Two saturdays ago we had a great date. We had dinner and a movie. We talked about making plans for a weekend trip away soon and that she was really looking forward to it. We were very affectionate that night and everything seemed right on track. We talked on Sunday and Monday nights and had great conversations.

On Wednesday night I called her and I could tell she was stressed and not herself. I told her everything would be ok, we could enjoy the weekend away together and it would be good to help her take her mind off things. She said that it wasnt a good idea then she started the conversation with “this is always hard”. She asked if we could be friends for now and that she didnt have anything to give right now. She said that we arent finished and that she still had feelings for me. She said she wouldnt give up on us but she just needed time to think. She said the timing is wrong right now.

That was a week ago and I havent heard from her since. Since we started dating we havent gone more than 2 days without contact in some form, email, text etc.

Im concerned because we were so affectionate on Saturday and talking about future plans, then on Wednesday it all stopped. If she was seeing someone else she wouldnt have been affectionate with me and talking about future plans, so I can rule that out. I know her plate is full and I can wait for her, for a while. I dont want to give up on this one just yet, she is everything I have been looking for in a woman.

Just wondering from you women. How can you be so close to someone for three months then just stop talking to someone without notice? Im giving her the space she needs but how long does it take?
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Old 19th March 2008, 1:02 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by backspn View Post
Just wondering from you women. How can you be so close to someone for three months then just stop talking to someone without notice? Im giving her the space she needs but how long does it take?
I don't think this is what you want to hear, but honestly, I can't stop talking to my bf, even in the mist of all the upheaval that I caused because of my need for more space.

I have told you this elsewhere, but in your shoes I would consider the friend talk as a breaking and focus on moving on with your life. If she comes back, she comes back, If she doesn't, at least you've started to heal.
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Old 19th March 2008, 1:05 PM   #3
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Also want to add that I have been served the "maybe later" sentence before, and I now believe it is one of the most heartless, insensitive thing you can say to someone. If she needs to figure things out, she needs to also be able to take the risk to let you go. Her "we are not done" sounds self-serving to me. You are taking it as a promise, while it allows her to put you on the backburner. She is keeping you hanging. Not fair.
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Old 19th March 2008, 1:09 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by backspn View Post
This is a more detailed account of our story. I have posted before but am hoping for some female opinions.

My GF and I started dating in early December. By the end of the month we were exclusive. A few weeks later, maybe she got scared how close she was getting, she wanted to go back to dating and we have been there since. We both agree that our dates are always amazing and that we both enjoy each other’s company. We have great chemistry together and are very affectionate with each other.

We both have full careers, her's a little more so than mine. She also has a father who is ill and combined with work and finishing school, we see each other once a week, and talk on the phone at least 3-4 times a week.

Two saturdays ago we had a great date. We had dinner and a movie. We talked about making plans for a weekend trip away soon and that she was really looking forward to it. We were very affectionate that night and everything seemed right on track. We talked on Sunday and Monday nights and had great conversations.

On Wednesday night I called her and I could tell she was stressed and not herself. I told her everything would be ok, we could enjoy the weekend away together and it would be good to help her take her mind off things. She said that it wasnt a good idea then she started the conversation with “this is always hard”. She asked if we could be friends for now and that she didnt have anything to give right now. She said that we arent finished and that she still had feelings for me. She said she wouldnt give up on us but she just needed time to think. She said the timing is wrong right now.

That was a week ago and I havent heard from her since. Since we started dating we havent gone more than 2 days without contact in some form, email, text etc.

Im concerned because we were so affectionate on Saturday and talking about future plans, then on Wednesday it all stopped. If she was seeing someone else she wouldnt have been affectionate with me and talking about future plans, so I can rule that out. I know her plate is full and I can wait for her, for a while. I dont want to give up on this one just yet, she is everything I have been looking for in a woman.

Just wondering from you women. How can you be so close to someone for three months then just stop talking to someone without notice? Im giving her the space she needs but how long does it take?

Listen to what she is saying. She is telling you she still has feelings for you and if she is talking about future plans with you ect... Maybe she has way to much on her plate right now to take on something/someone else.

Hang in there! If you want this woman stick to it no matter how long it takes.

Support her!
(She will see your feelings for her)
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Old 19th March 2008, 1:09 PM   #5
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Too much, too fast. I'll bet I said this before

Set her free and she may come back to me.
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Old 19th March 2008, 1:34 PM   #6
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I agree with Carhill. We did move too fast in the first month. I know the error of my ways now. Slow and fun in the first few months, nothing heavy.

SoStupid, Thanks. She is worth it. She has never lied to me in the 3 months we have dated and dont see why she would now. Maybe calling me would confuse her more and thats why she hasnt. Not sure but I do know that the dates up to that conversation were great and I know it wasnt me who did anything wrong.

Guess I'll let her sort it out in her own time. But how do I support her if she we have no contact?
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Old 19th March 2008, 1:40 PM   #7
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OP, if you are meaningful to her, you will be on her mind. This is such an important concept which many people overlook during the NC process. The process is to focus and heal you, but it also helps your intended find clarity. If, and note I say "if", you're on her mind, she knows your feelings for her in the past and she will contact you in the future. Think about it.... was she ever shy about contacting you while dating? She suggested the break, so she'll be back to you if she wishes to be. That's what I meant about "setting her free".

If that time comes, you will have to decide what, if any, interaction and/or support you wish to partake in. Remember, she has a full life and her own support system
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Old 19th March 2008, 1:54 PM   #8
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What can you do to support her? As Carhill, she knows you're there if she needs you.

bskpin, I get the impression that you are so intent on keeping her in your life that you are making excuses for her. You think she is not getting in touch with you because that would upset her? It's a possibility, but what about how upsetting and hurtful the current NC situation is to you? Why doesn't that cross her mind?

I think you're letting yourself fall into 'the hero' category - you want to be her all, support her, do all that you can for her. To be honest, my bf has that tendency too, and it's one of the things that make me feel choked in the relationship. She's an adult. She knows how to take care of herself. You can't do that for her.
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Old 19th March 2008, 3:51 PM   #9
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I have decided to move forward. I start a new job next week and the schedule will be quite hectic. I am focusing on myself, gym, eating right and immersing myself into work to better my career. She obviously cannot be in a relationship at this time in her life to anyone and I will keep my options open also.

I cannot control anyone but myself and I know this. If its meant to be then things will work out. As of today I am setting her free. If I dont this will affect my work and personal life as well. If she never calls, it was a fun 3 months for sure.
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Old 19th March 2008, 4:16 PM   #10
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Visit us again and let us know how life is going...glad you found a truth that was meaningful to you
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Old 19th March 2008, 4:53 PM   #11
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by backspn View Post
Just wondering from you women. How can you be so close to someone for three months then just stop talking to someone without notice? Im giving her the space she needs but how long does it take?
backspn, this is more of a personal or zodiac sign behavior, rather than women/men behaviour. I can say the same about the guy I have been dating. We had good 12 weeks of lovey dovey, and even spent what looked like a very romantic weekend together, last weekend. Come Monday morning, I'm being given my "I'm so confused and I need space" speech (via email!), and all sweet things that was said and done during the past 12 weeks goes out the window. I mean we talked about future, moving in together, buying house etc. But like someone pointed out, rushing always lead to such disasters. This was the person I spoke with daily at night for 1-2 hrs, we emailed each other 20 times a day, and saw each other 1-2 times a week. I really believe in zodiac signs, I guess because mine is a true representation of myself. This person's sign too is exactly what he is, undecided.

I would never do what happened to you (or to me), to the person I'm interested with. And if I'm going through hard stressful times, I keep them even closer. It's really difficult to imagine how certain minds work.
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Old 19th March 2008, 8:11 PM   #12
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We are officially friends now.

Why am I ok with it?

We talked a good 20 mins about it and finally put some closure on the relationship. We both agreed that we could be good friends, and for some strange reason, I actually can be without ever expecting a chance with her again. I finally have closure.

Luckily I had set her free in my mind earlier. This would have been more difficult if I hadnt. Thanks to everyone for listening.
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