sedgwick Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 My therapist is big on making lists of pros and cons. Right now I have a couple hanging on my door so they're the last thing I see before I leave, every time I leave. The categories are: Advantages of (doing whatever the thing is you want to do) Disadvantages of (whatever it is) Advantages of not doing (whatever it is) Advantages of doing (whatever it is) For example, we'll do smoking. An advantage of smoking is that it calms my anger. A disadvantage of smoking is the expense. An advantage of not smoking is that my breath and my teeth will be better. A disadvantage of not smoking is that I might have to focus on whatever it is that's stressing me out and go through the discomfort of my feelings. So maybe we should all do pros and cons of NC. I'll start: Advantage of contacting him: I could hear his voice Disadvantage of contacting him: I give him the chance to reject me again Advantages of not calling: I get to add another day of NC to my calendar Disadvantages of not contacting him: I won't know what's going on in his life. Your turn...list as many as you can think of! Link to post Share on other sites
eagle5 Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Advantage - hear her voice (snap) Disadvantage - It would set me back SO far to hear her voice!!! Advantage - I won't know what she's doing, so I don't have to think of us doing it together or her doing it with someone else Disadvantage - She might say she misses me if I do call (oh who am I kidding!) Advantage - Another day I can get on with being me...... Don't do it....................................... Link to post Share on other sites
prisonbreak Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Pro- feeling him out to see if there is any hope. - making it harder for him to allow his memory of me fade. Con- breaking 8 days of NC I'm on a good streak. We've never gone more than 7 hours w/o talking to each other in 2 yrs. - ruining his process of thinking and not allowing him to miss me. Why do I need to feel him out and see if there is any hope? That's dumb. If there was hope and a chance, then he will call me when he is good and ready. Hopefully I'll still have an open heart at that time. And if he never contacts, well then it was never meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
dfreeman Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Advantage of contacting her: See if she misses me at all? Disadvantage of contacting her: Have to hear her anger again. Advantages of not calling: Wound closes another day and I feel better about myself! Disadvantages of not contacting her: She comes that much closer to just forgetting about me. Link to post Share on other sites
strife Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Advantage of contacting him: I can talk to my best friend again. Disadvantage of contacting him: I'm still letting him be my priority. Advantages of not calling: To let him feel the reality of letting me go. Disadvantages of not contacting him: I can't watch over the person I love. Link to post Share on other sites
ninjaturtles Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Advantage of calling- I get to speak to him (especially as I have not spoken to him via phone call since the breakup) Disadvantage- It does not CHANGE a thing. It would not make him come back. Advantage of not calling- I am getting used to living without him and gradually moving on. Disadvantage of not calling- I may never know if that one phone call may have made a difference....(However, I could counter that with the thought..'If he wants me back or wants to even talk to me for that matter, he knows where to find me) Link to post Share on other sites
Author sedgwick Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 Ninjaturtles, well said. You're absolutely right that if they want us they know where to find us. For god's sake, my ex still has keys to my apartment (unless he threw them away.) You're doing the right thing with the NC, for sure. Keep it up!! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 5, 2008 Share Posted February 5, 2008 Advantage of contacting him: I could hear his voice Disadvantages of not contacting him: I won't know what's going on in his life. Isn't hearing his voice a disadvantage and not knowing what is going on in his life an advantage ? It is all in how you look at it... Link to post Share on other sites
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