JimMorrison Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 (edited) Well, for those who don’t know my story, it’s the one titled "says I ruined her Christmas??" So anyways, I am coming to terms that for whatever the reason she wants a break or breakup, her reasoning is selfish/immature – not healthy. And she’s 2 years older than me! (Maybe this is what I get for dating an older women, and one who works at a snooty hair salon! She doesn't come from money or was snooty, but has been becoming lately) Anyways I do love her and would like to be with her, but she already made the decision and I do feel like I’m a spare tire at this point. She’s made a lot of troubling decisions. To make things worse, she did all the breaking up/bad mouthing over the phone or text! Out of all the girlfriends I’ve had, they’ve had the guts/respect to say it to my face. And this is the girl I loved the most! I thought I could've lived my life with her. Perhaps Nothing that is so, is so?! I’d like her back and all; maybe I’m jumping the gun yet again. Maybe I’m getting too angry at how ungracefully she handled any of this. I fought for her once, wrote her a letter, when I knew she received it, I drove 60 miles from college to put a small Christmas tree on her car. She called the next day really happy! I’m not fighting again. But I think my mind is made up and I’d like my stuff back from her house. She has taken some of my sweatshirts in the past, and I’d like them back. I built her a computer with a lot of cool things on it, and she never even turned it on once! I’d like that back too. She can keep the ring and her birthday gift I gave her, but I want everything else back. My dilemma - is that I don’t know if I’m jumping the gun. Maybe I should give her more time to cool off? I think if I give her time, my stuff might get ‘lost’. If I don’t give enough time and to use her words "jump the gun" I think maybe I will forever lose her. Maybe already she is gone. I don't think I'd take her back if she gets a new bf anyway. Even though it would tell me that I'm better, it would tell me that she will never be content? What would you do!? Edited January 5, 2008 by JimMorrison Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I think you should get it done fast and out the way - there will be a lot of hurt, pain and tears involved with receiving/collecting your stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JimMorrison Posted January 5, 2008 Author Share Posted January 5, 2008 (edited) Eh I don't think I'll be upset. I've been dealing with being in limbo since late November and have pretty much have no sorrow left. I only have done 11 days NC though maybe I will wait the 30 days NC -- on a rare chance she will come to her senses, and then proceed with this plan. This is why I don't believe she is serious. I know she is smarter than that. I know she is more decent, more human than to end years via hitting a couple of buttons or being in a huff over the phone! Edited January 5, 2008 by JimMorrison Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I'd go ahead and finish out the 30 days first. Odds are good she won't lose your stuff that soon. I was NC for nearly a month in November - my ex told me that the last 10 days of it (before he broke down and contacted me) were miserable for him. Sometimes it takes a little while for it to sink in. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 ...I’d like my stuff back from her house. Do you want your stuff back now because you're ready to move on, or because there's some part of you that's just looking to lash out in a kind of mean-spirited way, or does it feel like maybe a good "reason" to get in touch with her? If I wanted to leave a door or even just a window open, I wouldn't even mention to her about stuff like sweatshirts (books, DVDs, etc.) - not today, not after 30 days, not after 130 days. I get that you built the cool 'puter with your own bare hands but did you install it at her place with the condition, "you can use this as long as we're a couple" ? Cos, if no such strings were attached and it was more of a gift or kind-hearted gesture...doesn't it seem rather, I dunno, tacky or vindictive to ask for it back? Unless, of course, it would greatly improve YOUR quality of life to have it back? -- then you can appeal to her sense of decency about how you'd derive more benefit than she is -- maybe with an offer to give her a "less cool" one? But my mind is still asking: What is really up, that made you reach the conclusion that you need your "stuff" back? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 When ex broke with me I sold a lot of what he gave me on ebay, made a bit of cash for it Link to post Share on other sites
EhiPassiko Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Material objects can be replaced, my friend. A cool sweatshirt, a cool computer, a ring... all replaceable. Your initial intention for giving her these material objects was probably kind and loving, so let's just stick with that because that is irreplaceable. Think about it as good will towards man and let her have them. Its a great lesson in not engaging yourself in the things that create problems for some people in the first place- attachment! Good luck my friend! Namaste Link to post Share on other sites
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