too many coincidences..my head spins

[MrMichael]

I am going to explain this the simplest way I know how....I met someone online, back in July of this year..I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time,and when i noticed she lived 1400 miles away, that made it more of a doubtful situation.I live in N.D. >she is in TX..

 

Having been to TX earlier in the year, I decided I wouldnt go back(ever),a few days later,this girl i met(who is in TX) writes me a letter on myspace telling me she thinks im good looking and tells me she wants to have a relationship of some kind.I was actually shocked because she was very in depth about her feelings and what she was looking for.This was because she didnt really know me,or me her.I should say I was attracted to her also, but once again,didnt give it serious thought because of the distance between us.

 

we start talking,daily..come to find we had ALOT of similarities, one being we worked in the same industry.the 2nd, was that because of her occupation she told me she was to come to my town (which is some unheard of place) in North Dakota within a few mos.>before i could question her on it, she emphasised she was in no way lying, and told me how "weird" it was that I lived in a place she was supposed to come to that no one had heard of.

 

Then things got weird, one day her myspace is gone...I was a bit shocked,but even more shocked when I had a message from her the same nite on my email account which she did not have.how she got it I have no idea...so in her message she gave me her cell# and e mail address,she said she had been looking for me online for 6 hrs.. I called her,(to make sure I was dealing with a real person) and we talked for over an hr on the phone

 

a few weeks later, we are still talking,texting emailing.the plan originaly was we were going to meet by air in Denver, the week this was discussed i get an email from her asking me if I would ever move down there. I immediatley thought "NO" but we had talked and shared alot and I could tell something was up with her.Like I said we had alot in common or so it seemed and I did feel some kind of connection. right around this time, i had a job offer in new orleans and decided to drive down there. now, heres some more weird stuff..the day I left,she didnt know what hourr I left, and as I was leaving town (11:30) pm..I am thinking to myself, "this is kinda crazy" and 2nd guessing my decision, mainly out of fear ..right then, she calls she says she KNEW I was on the road, so that told me to keep going,. I drove 1400 miles in about 1.5 days we texted back & forth the entire trip

 

the same thing happened when i crossed into TX, she called.."where are you>?" It was as if she knew...anyways, we meet in person,the day I get there.at a bar,just casual having a few beers..we hit it off, I mean right from the 1st minute.the chemistry was definitley there.I was nervous,but her body language told me everything.That nite we went to a friend of mine 's who lived down there. he had a barbeque,and SHE suggested spending the nite. I wanted to wait before getting intimate, I mean we had kissed probably 15 minutes after meeting in person, but I thought the 1st day and date not get carried away..we DID end up sleeping together the 1st nite, and that is what I think killed it in the end.I told her I wanted to wait, but at the same time was VERY attracted to her.the next morning she stayed until about 1 in the afternoon.

 

I met some of her family the next week,and things seemed to be going good,she invited me down to her place. we were out having dinner and drinks, she gives me a cross on a silver chain, and tells me "don't ever take this off" I was speechless.same thing, because we around her family and at their house I don't think about getting intimate w/her that nite, but as she was showing me her rock collection, i turn around her clothes are off and we are in bed,she is telling me she wants to have kids w /me (nice to hear,but frightening since it is week 2 of being together in person) the next night we went out again,(just me and her)we held hands,walked around the downtown and talked. we get back to her place and I decide to go back to where i was staying(I really liked her and didnt wanna overkill it) she says "dont be a stranger",we kiss tells me to call her to let her know i made it home ok, and that she wanted to see me on sunday, which was the next day...and that was the LAST time we seen one another....i called, i emailed for 3 days.. &nothing......

 

then finally an email,from her saying she had the greatest time, but doesnt want a relationship,feels smothered and needs to focus on work etc. and so sorry i had to come all the way down there.to Texas..and wants to know my thoughts on this..to please tell her my thoughts

 

my thoughts???? ??? > Im devastated,thats my thoughts...so, i tried giving her cross back to her 3x while i was down there, I emailed er back,I was upset and mainly confused at the suddeness she insisted i keep it.(the cross).why?

 

then, when i told her i am going back up north, she got mad

she says "i dont understand how you can just pack up and leave"

but yet,she doesnt want a relationship,

 

finally i left Texas...this happened in August, I left Oct 2

I still have her cross, I have texted her, email her and she doesnt write back, i dont want to keep what she gave me,especially if theres another guy now, but she doesnt reply when i bring it up (about the cross)

if i text about something else, she will come off rude and snotty

 

this situation has messed with my head bad, mainly because of what she wrote online, about her feelings toward me and what she wanted, and her pre-texas text msgs

 

then after we were intimate, not once but many times, and got introduced to some of her family, she gives me her cross and dumps me the next day......

 

I asked her if her coming to North dakota in the beginning was a lie, and have gotten no response. I just dont know what to make of the situation and in all honesty would love to be back w/her. everything seemed to happen really fast and I told myself if it didnt work out w/ her I would leave TX and come back north.

 

part of me doesnt understand her actions, another part thinks she lied to just have a "fling" but that gets contradicted because when i had met the oldest brother he had said she told him ALOT about me, and then the cross, why give it to me KNOWING she is gonna break it off the next day, and why say all this stuff. at one point I was ready to check in to a psych ward because I have pages and pages of e mails from e mails from her,texts, picture texts,this cross, insistance from her that I meet the fam, and then like a light switch, she shuts off.

 

we have talked via phone 1x since TX, that was halloween, we talked 25-30 mins, just casual, asking how each other is, and then abrubtly she said she had to go and hung up...

 

please give some opinions and advice on this sitch, i t would be appreciated greatly. I really really like this girl.<obviously or i wouldnt have drove all that way.

[iwanttolive]

Hey Mike, well, i guess you can only try your best so there won't be any regret. If she does not reciprocate then she's missing a great guy But personally, none of you should do anything you are uncomfortable with, like moving to another state if you're not ready, just to salvage the r/s. In d beginning, it may be fine when you both are in honeymoon stage. But later on, it may rise to problems. But if you are sure you can move, then don't look back and question ur decision.

[MrMichael]

I don't know at this point how it could be salvaged....I am just trying to understand what happened inside of her head

[curiousnycgirl]

Wow that is totally messed up. I wouldn't know what to think. I'd stop texting and calling and just let it go - in other words go NC.

 

Move on with your life. If she calls fine. If she wants to see you - I would refuse until you had a heart to heart ahd heard some stuff you felt was credible.

 

Good luck to you

[MrMichael]

messed up is right....how did she manage to find my email without me giving it to her? theres that question, then the reasoning behind the cross she gave me and the the very next day calling it off..like I am searching for "premeditated" in any of this and don't see it..its like something snapped inside her head.

[melodicmaybe]

Frankly, she sounds a little crazy. o_0

 

Any chica who tells you she wants your babies after two weeks of casual dating is either really impetuous or a little unbalanced.

 

The whole situation just sounds way creepy. I'd just let it go.

[alwayshurt]

Frankly, she sounds a little crazy. o_0

 

Any chica who tells you she wants your babies after two weeks of casual dating is either really impetuous or a little unbalanced.

 

The whole situation just sounds way creepy. I'd just let it go.

 

yeah....i agree.

This girl sounds a little psycho. If I were you, i would stay away from her.

[franny_s]

She does sound very messed up actually and definitely not sure of what she wants. You read and responded to my post about sending things back (which I just did)

 

It's hard when you give something of yourself to someone and are treated that way. I got all the compliments, met the friends and attention too to have it switched off almost overnight, it's not fun and my thoughts are you with you.

 

You sit around wondering what it is you did, the not knowing can be the worst.

 

The email thing, asking you to move to TX, the babies that is very, very strange behaviour and a sign of someone who has some emotional and mental health issues I think? Sorry to say that

 

Just send the cross back, like I said in my thread at the very least it give you some emotional control again.

 

Good luck with it mate, know I am going through the same and not all us girls are nutcases

[MrMichael]

You sit around wondering what it is you did, the not knowing can be the worst.

 

The email thing, asking you to move to TX, the babies that is very, very strange behaviour and a sign of someone who has some emotional and mental health issues I think? Sorry to say that

 

 

Yes, it is the "not knowing" ...I am a "cut all ties" type of person, and when she wanted to end things (after we had been intimate on more than 1 occasion) she 1st wanted to be "friends". I decided AND told her it was past that point, like I said I don't believe in keeping items or keepsakes from relationships, I politely told her I could not keep what she had given me, and her response was "No you keep it..I REALLY wanted you to have it", all that did was keep me thinking and in suspense. I went to the extreme of driving to her apt to return it, and know she was home because her vehicle was there and she would not open the door. as far as the emotional and mental health issues, I would say you are right.

 

I am the other equation in all of this, so by responding to her "love" letter in the 1st place I opened my self up for vulnerability and the potential to be hurt...like i posted though, the more we talked, the more I believed, and what she said WAS believable..I kept backing out of the situation before driving down there,maybe that was my gut...either way whats done is done...I cannot throw it away prime reason> because its a spiritual item,if it were photographs or anything else sure...

 

I have asked for an address to send it, and got no reply...I appreciate your and others' input on this..Thank You

[melodicmaybe]

Well if you're uncomfortable with throwing it away, have you thought about just taking it down to your local goodwill or charity shop? That way there's no guilt involved, you don't have to deal with it anymore, and someone out there who'll actually wear it will get it.

[franny_s]

I was going to suggest that too. As long as it's in your house, even if it's put away you still know it's there and it plays on your mind.

 

You know I just went through this and once it leaves your hands and there's no getting it back it's really empowering. You will never really be able to finally move on whilst you still have it.

 

Don't feel foolish about being sucked in by her - those coincidences (though I would have said some were stalkerish) would have done so to me too.

 

From what you've said you are the one that behaved with and walked away with dignity when she should be ashamed.

 

As JT says "what goes around comes around" and it always does... eventually....

 

Chin up

[MrMichael]

Thank you franny, thank you ALL, yes, it is still in my house, its in a photo bag where I have all my keepsakes and passport and stuff like that. subconciously I KNOW its there. I did manage to throw away the other stuff, her postcards, and the maps and pictures she gave me while we were walking around Ft Worth. then after I felt bad, then I posted on here and felt better, I am hitting the anger phase.

 

This cross, has been a tripped out experience...reason: I take spirituality seriously, most people do, but in this case NO OTHER GIRL had given me something of that nature and said what she did...I just found it odd, so it kept ringing in my head that maybe this was the one, you know? I mean me and her talked about fate, destiny et all, but when I started looking at the REAL picture, we WERENT together, she ended it, and I left.

 

I have been in 3 serious relationships that were waaayyyyyy longer than this one, and none of this kind of stuff was ever talked about with any of those girlfriends. The other thing is that after all of them, I had a vision, an idea that I would and could move on, that there WOULD be someone else....

 

with THIS one, I am confused because we werent together long at all, and I wasnt looking when we met, she just kind of came into my life.

yet its had such an impact I want answers to all my questions, about her truthfulness, her REAL intent etc...stuff only SHEcan answer but wont.

[Tripper]

I'll I can say is that she's very flaky. Be glad you're out of it and it didn't turn into a "fatal attraction".

[franny_s]

I understand the spiritual nature of the the gift and why you don't want to throw it out (I couldn't throw shoes, clothes and DVD's out!) but it's telling where you've put the necklace, in with all your keepsakes? It needs to go mate, sorry for being so blunt, but it does.

 

That has to be when you are ready for it though - work yourself up to it, try not to hold on and everyday tell yourself how having it is holding you back and one day soon you will be ready to let it go. It's like giving up smoking you need to be in the right frame of mind for it to really work - set a date though, it might even happen earlier.

 

You may even decide to go down to your local river with a letter to her and the relationship and let them both go at the same time? There is nothing disrespectful about that.

 

We really should speak as mine was short compared too (I was married for 6 years and this was 2 months and floored me in a similar way) and what it is about this person that effects you so much? I think it's because you met them at a point when though you weren't looking your emotions were open. We are the same age and I understand the single life in your 30's it's not easy.

 

I can't answer what she was doing, except to say that it's not something I or my female friends would do. I have the same questions of your sex!

 

She obviously liked you but it seems obvious it's her failure and not yours. She's not ready for whatever reason, it was easier for her at a distance but when you were there maybe she couldn't deal with it?

 

You sound like a great guy and deserve to be with someone who treats you the way you do them

[MrMichael]

mine was short compared too (I was married for 6 years and this was 2 months and floored me in a similar way) and what it is about this person that effects you so much? I think it's because you met them at a point when though you weren't looking your emotions were open.....She obviously liked you but it seems obvious it's her failure and not yours. She's not ready for whatever reason, it was easier for her at a distance but when you were there maybe she couldn't deal with it?

 

 

 

you know franny, now that you mention it, I wonder if that was the case to some degree...she mentioned being "overwhelmed"...this was after I was already down there. I mean we had really good communication for a while everything was good, then it was like overnight something drastic happened and she changed lanes without signaling<metaphorically......

 

and I have been going thru this emotional tidal wave, where one minute my mindset and head says>too much strife and pain..move on at all costs, there will be others>rational,logical thought.....and then my heart will get in the way and replay everything like a movie and I get 1/2 tempted to hop in the car, drive all the way back there and propose to her. crazy as that sounds. ....love is blind:lmao:

[franny_s]

Yeah, maybe it was too intense for her, that's the feeling I got with my ex too. Curse the both of them for shutting it off overnight and giving no explanation. It's cowardly.

 

I know if given the opportunity I would probably take him back too against better judgement. It makes me think of what Dr. Phil says though that the best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour.

 

Have you dated anyone since? I got an offer last night and though it kind of made me ill when I hung up that it wasn't him, I am going to go, why not. Best to keep busy and who knows?

[MrMichael]

well, about 3 weeks after she broke it off, I was still down there of course, I had been asked out by 2 different girls, the one girl I made plans to go with on a Fri, but cancelled at the last minute because I had this idea that she would call....I was thinking, "screw her" but the more I thought about the girl who asked me out, I realised I would just be using her as a rebound tool, and having been hurt, thats the last thing i would want to do to someone else..I just was not ready, now, a few mos later, I would date, but I put the deadbolt back on my heart...in other words, I dont plan on getting emotionally close to anyone for a while, Like you say though, if it were HER, I would definitley go back, which is completley nutso after the pain I have been thru....

 

kind of like bad drugs, it kicks your a-- but you miss the high.

[franny_s]

The bad drugs analogy - brilliant It's like that Pink song Just Like A Pill You did the right thing with the Fri night girl from TX but keep the dates up MM, it helps.

 

Did I read somewhere that you got rid of some possessions recently or am I imagining it?

[MrMichael]

yeah, ALL I have left is the cross...all pics, letters and such were ripped up and tossed....I have even gone to the extreme of getting a new Cellular phone and trade out with a male friend, because that is the phone she would send me texts and picture texts on, even tho it is MY phone, it still remnd me of her, I would stare at it like she is going to miraculously call me , VERY NOT HEALTHY...man i feel better about doing that...you hang on because it is ALL you have of them, yet upon realisation, you dont have THEM, just the trinkets, and the sickest part is that THEY dumped you.....Like the Jeffersons TV show says.. WERE MOVIN ON UP.......