YeahBaby Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 I was with my boyfriend for two years, and we were the perfect, inseparable couple. We had our tiffs, but generally we were really happy. But then over last Christmas, something changed. He was steadily beginning to drink more and more, and admitted he had been involved with drugs. I had just begun treatment for depression and bulimia. My therapist recommended that myself and my boyfriend should take a break to get over our issues. I did this in February, explaining that I needed a little time NC just to get over my issues, and that he should also try to deal with his issues. So I spent six months in treatment, and I am very pleased to say that I am free from both depression and bulimia. I do occasionally still feel down and I do still sometimes have body issues, but for the first time in about two years I feel really healthy and happy. I'm also pleased to say that my boyfriend saw the light and confronted his issues with drink and drugs. He is fully off drugs, and though he still enjoys a quiet beer, he is much more controlled and happy. In October I decided I had gotten over my problems and I got back in touch with him. We spoke on the phone and MSN frequently, texted and sent e-mails a lot. We spoke about what had happened while we were apart and the past. We have even met up a couple of times, despite the fact I live in a different town from him now (but not that far away - distance isn't an issue). Eventually I told him that I still loved him and that I had always loved him, and that I always would. He said he wasn't sure how he felt, but what there was a clear misunderstanding on was that he didn't seem to realise we were just on a break, he thought we were fully over. He says he spent a lot of time trying to get over me, but I can tell that there are still a lot of feelings on both sides, and we are still very close. How can we get over this misunderstanding and how can I prove to him that I am happy, healthy, free of my issues and ready to show him the love he so deserves? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 Time. Just give him time to give it some thought. Don't think of it as you were on a break or whatever and trying to convince him that's what it was. It doesn't matter. Think of it as starting fresh. Flirt with him, and give him time to figure out what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Frankie24 Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 Just enjoy the relationship you have at present i.e friends, go out go places and fingers crossed the rest will follow suit Link to post Share on other sites
Author YeahBaby Posted December 1, 2007 Author Share Posted December 1, 2007 norajane, I completely agree that time is a major element in getting it right, but I do worry that if the process is drawn out, he will feel more and more distant and may even meet somebody else. My love for him is so strong that I just want us to fall into our love again, but I know that isn't realistic and is likely destructive. I want to make him feel completely comfortable in my presence and able to fully trust me again. It's very hard to act cool with a guy who I just want to have and hold every time I see! Link to post Share on other sites
Frankie24 Posted December 1, 2007 Share Posted December 1, 2007 norajane, I completely agree that time is a major element in getting it right, but I do worry that if the process is drawn out, he will feel more and more distant and may even meet somebody else. My love for him is so strong that I just want us to fall into our love again, but I know that isn't realistic and is likely destructive. I want to make him feel completely comfortable in my presence and able to fully trust me again. It's very hard to act cool with a guy who I just want to have and hold every time I see! Hope it works out for you it seems like you both have a lot to catch up on Link to post Share on other sites
Author YeahBaby Posted December 4, 2007 Author Share Posted December 4, 2007 So I wrote him a letter. I've written a thousand letters to him while we've been apart, but this one was different. Because I sent it. We used to write letters to each other when we were together, and I always felt they were honest and genuine. They're better than calling or speaking face to face because a) you can prepare what to say and say it perfectly and b) the receiver can go over it many times to get his head straight. I tend to get upset or too full-on speaking to him to his face or on MSN or whatever. I thought I would seem most stable, intelligent, and persuasive by letter. So I told him exactly how I felt. That I loved him more than ever, that I keep pushing men away because I can't be with anyone but him. I told him about my treatment, about what we discussed, and how I got through my problems. I told him that I don't want to go back to the past - I want to move forward, albeit with him by my side. I used some nostalgia - my biggest asset IMO to getting him back - subtly but effectively. He should receive the letter today or tomorrow. I can only wish and pray that it works. I hope you guys will too. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted December 4, 2007 Share Posted December 4, 2007 I hope it works out for you. I second Norjane, don't try to convince him "it was just a break for me to get over my issues." That is not fair to him to even offer let alone to convince him and would have been selfish of you to expect him to wait "on a break." He is justified in thinking things were over. All you can do is hang out and flirt and take him on dates. Try not to talk too much about the relationship. You can't convince him of anything. It is his choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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