God it hurts....

[HeyMrDj]

Early last year I've met this wonderful girl that made my life brand new again. For once in my life I was serious about settling down with someone. She was going to graduate from school this fall and I thought about proposing. I actually saved up some money to buy a house and was very motivated to giving her everything. It was pretty unbelievable for me because for once my life was actually going the right way. We had a great relationship and got along very well. We had so much in common both being orphaned at such an early age. I loved her and still do with every fiber of my being.

 

Next thing I know things started going wrong. For a whole month, she starts pushing me away, giving me all types of reasons why our goals are different, and how things are becoming different. She wouldn't let me see her at times, telling me how tired she was and how her apartment was messy and how she needs to go to sleep since she has to work very early in the morning. In actuality, she was sleeping somewhere else. I'm not stupid, and i'm not new to relationships... I had to find out the truth. One night, I actually followed her to the guys house and confronted both of them. Told both of them how they can both go to hell. I was so hurt that I've never felt so much pain in my life. That night, my friends had to take me home because I passed out from drinking. The next day, she's knocking at my door and apologizing, telling me how I was the best thing that ever happened to her and that she doesn't want to lose me.

 

A couple of days passed by and I figured that if god can forgive me for my sins, why can't I forgive her? I let her back in my life even though it was hurting me. I drank everyday just to deal with it. Then it hurt more.... A week later she doesn't answer my calls, knowing where this guy lives, i drove by and she was there, who knows what they were doing. I snapped, drove home and took about 30 sleeping pills. I just couldn't bear the pain anymore. I was tired of fighting. Dying at the time made alot of sense to me. However, for some funny reason, my old roommate drove by my apartment and found me hunched over my desk... He then called 911 and got me to the ER. About 15 minutes later, my heart was stopping... I actually saw my parents who are passed away in front of me. The doctors brought me back and I recovered.

 

Everything that i've saved went to the doctor's bills. I didn't go to work for about 4 months, and when I did go to work, I ended up going home because I was so sad it made me sick... I'm now facing a heart problem, anxiety attacks, high blood pressure and of couse, deep depression. I was on medication but I stopped taking any of it. I tried being there for her hoping that it would find me peace, but she's so confused that she just ends up hurting me. She's a good person but just really lost. I had to finally make the hard choice of not communicating with her so I can at least start healing. Even though I pulled myself away from her I pray for her that God take care of her and she finds happiness even if it's not with me.

 

It's been 9 months now since the incident and it feels like it all happened yesterday. I've been trying to let go but it's hard. I know, it's going to take time but maybe one of these days my heart will just give up on me and I can finally have peace. I'm haunted by everything that happened and I feel so lost. I can't even understand the pain in my heart for missing her so much. Sometimes, I feel like I have to be peeled off the ground because I'm so down. I don't have any motivation and this whole thing has just consumed me. The holidays were already hard for me in the past, now I don't even know how I'm going to deal with it. I feel like my whole being is just destroyed.

[budd98]

I understand what you are going through, I have been in a similar situation. No matter what though, you need to know that NO girl is worth taking your own life over. There are SO many women in the United States, actually 2.3 women to every guy. Why waste your time over one that isn't worth it. Believe me, once you get over her you will find someone that will blow you away and you will look back and laugh that someone could get to you like she did. What you need to do right now is pack everything that reminds you of her away, delete all texts or e-mails from her, stay away from anywhere she might be, put away all photos somewhere where you won't look at them, and go out with your friends. It is hard to do, but once you accept it being over, you will be so much happier. You were fine before her, you will be fine after her. Just block all thoughts with her. Good luck.