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Is it too late to start NC??

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 30th July 2007, 6:35 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2007
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Unhappy Is it too late to start NC??

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me about two weeks ago for cheating on him. I would never cheat on him purposly. I went to a party and i had rode with a friend there. My friend ended up getting drunk. I was offered a ride home from a guy I had met a couple of times. On the way home he pulled over and started to kiss me. I said i had a boyfriend and i didn't want to. He began undressing me and said that everything would be fine. (The guy was A LOT larger than me as i am a very small person) So I was afraid to be really stern and say NO GET OFF ME like i wanted to. After a couple of minutes of me lying there lifelessly while he was having sex with me, I started balling. He stopped. Shortly after my bf called and i told him what had happened. He completely blamed me for going out. And for not calling him for a ride. ( I didn't think i could because he was at work) He broke up with me a couple of weeks later. I'm so angry at him that he won't even try to understand the situation that i was in. But at the same time I understand that he's hurt and feels betrayed. I love him so much and all I want is for us to be together and be happy. It seems like the more I try to get back together with him and make it work, the more he pushes me away. I'm thinking of trying NC. Do you think it's to late? Or will it ruin any chance I have with him? Any advice would help! Thanks.
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Old 30th July 2007, 7:42 PM   #2
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Hey Gril.. :-P

Thanks for your post to my dilemma. The only thing I can really say is that I am very suprized that someone you've been with for 2 whole years would turn his back on you when you literally were almost raped.

I would think that this would be a great time to turn away. Just go ghost on him one day. He should realize the mistake he made. If he hasn't, then he's not the one for you. Although it's much easier said than done, I think it should help. It should also help for you to be able to get back at the bastard that violated you.

It's always hard to think to yourself about all the good times you've had with someone, and then immediately think that you may never have them again with that special someone... because it's exactly what I'm going through now but... let time take it's toll... surround yourself with people that you trust, and care about... and let it OUT.

Good luck!
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Old 30th July 2007, 9:41 PM   #3
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I love him so much. I would do almost anything to get us back together. If you have any suggestions on how to make it work or get him to realize that i didn't mean to hurt him PLEASE reply! I need all the help I can get.I can't lose him forever. I really want to know if no contact will really help in my situation.
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Old 1st August 2007, 5:56 PM   #4
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Hi, this is only my second post but I want to offer my advice.

I think no contact wouldn't help the situation right now. I think that you need one more go to show him how sorry you are.

Write him a letter, in that letter say how sorry you are and explain the situation. Tell him your were raped and you told him no. Tell him that you would do anything to get back with him. Tell him you love him. But don't across as being controlling. Then at the end tell him you understand how he feels and that you will leave the ball in his court and say that if he ever had any love for you then he would help you through this difficult time because not only are you dealing with being violated but also with this break up.

Once you have sent the letter or email then have NC. Wait for him to contact you, I guarentee he will. If it was me, I would.
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Old 1st August 2007, 6:39 PM   #5
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This guy is a jerk! You get raped and he blames you, then dumps you. Who the H3LL does he think he is?
"She lies and says she's in love with him,
Can't find a better man"
-- Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam
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Old 1st August 2007, 6:48 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by roxy_1980 View Post
This guy is a jerk! You get raped and he blames you, then dumps you. Who the H3LL does he think he is?
From a guys point of view he could be struggling to deal with it himself and maybe doesnt know how to act. I think giving him time to get his head sorted might be best for everyone.

I'm not sticking up for him here because I also think he is wrong but im trying to add another view point to the problem.
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Old 1st August 2007, 7:02 PM   #7
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About NC

It is not too late for NC, it never is. When me and my ex broke up the first time, he dumped me for mistakes he made and that " i didn't deserve that". I freaked out, bothered him, harassed him all the time for a few weeks. ALl it did was make me feel worse and make him fight back harder. They made a decision, and if your ex is half as stubborn as mine, that will just egg him on more if you keep bothering him. You probably said all that you could say, apologized, told him your feelings for him. after that, you need to give him his space. once he sees you not calling him and him not knowing what you are doing will make him worry. My ex came back 2 months later, right when i thought i was feeling better and dating other guys. He saw me talking to other guys and it really made him think. He did not want to be without me.

However, he broke up with me again about a month ago so i'm trying NC as well. I occasionally talk to him on IM however, but i don't initiate the conversation, and i try to keep the convo short and not about anything to do with the relationship. there really is no other option, fighting and begging will not bring them back. If he really cares about you, he will come back he just needs time to get over it and realise how life is without you. If he doesn't come back, hopefully by then you will feel better. At least thats what i'm hoping for. I also feel like i am meant to be with this guy, i just need him to realise it as well. So try it and see how it goes.
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Old 1st August 2007, 8:57 PM   #8
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I agree with Matty. If he loves you he will come back. Sending him a SHORT and tactful email would be ok, but then go NC after that until he contacts you. I would say that he will, just my opinion. Just understand right now that he is hurt, and it might take some time for him to process what has happened.
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Old 1st August 2007, 9:24 PM   #9
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This is a difficult situation, but i'll offer an alternative point of view here. Can you blame your boyfriend for not being confused/angry about this situation and how you describe it being handled with regards to him and your relationship? Much of this screams betrayal to me. He has every right to want to walk away. What went down is felony rape which is a criminal offense. It's clear you did not want this in your words, even if no form of resistance was made. I would think your ex would find/found more respect and support for you and helping by taking this to the police, also proving to him (And yourself) instead of sweeping it under the carpet by you as a one time mistake to be forgiven for. How does that make you look?

It almost seems as he's expected to understand a situation that could have been prevented in many ways, if not during then afterwards even with police involvement.

Your situation is terrible indeed and i clearly see that side of it all, but look at it through his eyes. I didn't anywhere see the word police, maybe you did not stick up for yourself, but if you clearly did not want this to happen well it is the police whom will stick up for you now. Have some self respect and then others will fall in line. Why NC this guy? he did nothing wrong as i see it. What's that going to prove? let him be. If he wishes to forgive and understand it'll be on his terms. You should be putting your energy into righting what's been wronged here. If not...well i think this answers your questions as to why your ex did what he did.
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Old 2nd August 2007, 1:02 AM   #10
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i agree with replicant and matty....go to the police for your own respect and safety....and also write him the letter. Im also very sure he will respond. If not, please know it has nothing to do with is him having trouble dealing with the situation...i think he is currently very very hurt because you the one he loves has been hurts him that you were hurt and I think he angry at you because in his mind you should have known not saying this is the case but this is prob what he is thinking....again, im very sorry for what happened to you....please take care of yourself
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