Bella_xx Posted July 5, 2007 Share Posted July 5, 2007 Hey guys. So some of you might remember me and my story. I haven’t posted here in a while, but I’ve definitely been here regularly to see how everyone is doing! If you don’t know it, my story can be found at both of these…. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t119904/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t121559/ Long story short, we fought a bit.. broke up, and he just disappeared. I realise of course that he was initiating NC… but at the time it absolutely tore me up and I didn’t understand WHAT he was doing. He came back, gradually over the last month or so had contact, and slowly increased it. I saw him for the first time since the break up last Friday, and from the minute we saw each other, we hugged, kissed, he said he wanted me in his life, loved me, we’d work it out, he missed me, thought of me everyday and was sorry for what he’d done. I said that I still had feelings, that at some point we needed to talk and that he needed to talk to me and tell me what was going on, but for now I was willing to attempt reconciliation… and to be honest, I really couldn’t have been happier. The problems start here though. Mum told him he wasn’t welcome (she was protecting me, knowing how upset I had been over our break up – don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate it, but wish I had been left to make my own mistakes and decisions). Now, my ex is very fear motivated. He has issues with facing up to his concerns about issues both in his family (with acceptance, fighting etc) and they flow into our relationship. So of course, upon hearing that, he begins to withdraw again.. and there was nothing I could say or do that changed the mood. Even so, things, between us, were fine when he left. I spoke to him briefly on Saturday night, and he said he didn’t know how it would work out. We agreed to talk Sunday, and left it at that. At 130am, I got a drunk phone call from him, asking me to come meet him in the city. I said no (I was at a 21st) and he started “joking” about how he’d never come see me again if I didn’t go meet him.. and gradually got angrier and angrier. I hung up, he sent a message saying “f*ck of” to which I never replied. Didn’t hear from him again till I called him Sunday night, and he sounded angry when he picked up and said he was busy and would call later, which surprise surprise, he didn’t do. Monday, I’m fed up. I said if he ever wanted to hear from me again to call me back that night. About half an hour later, I went on his bro’s myspace page, and there was a comment from a girl talking about how she had danced with my ex on sat night. Another friend told me she thought she saw him out and that while she wasn’t sure anything happened, he was flirty etc with a few girls. I’ve been cheated on before, and given my being yelled at, and then ignored, I put a "two and two together” that just didn’t really fit.. I definitely admit now that I overreacted, I (way too hastily) sent again, this time saying I didn’t want anything to do with him again, and to not contact me again, because I knew about him and someone else on sat night. He wrote back next day saying talk tomorrow. In short, I told him no, I’d let him back in and he’d screwed me over again and to go break someone else’s heart now. He said, whatever, bye. I wrote back that I sure hoped she was worth it. Bye! Him: you’re a retard, I wasn’t with anyone Me: ok a)don’t call me names, b)I’m glad that my friend was decent enough to tell me that she thought she saw you with and c) you made this choice. If you had wanted to talk, you would have called back like I said. Your choice Him: You really have lost it. Good luck with everything. I’m deleting your number. You were a mistake. And good luck with your friends.. Me: (I’m not actually 100% sure what I wrote, but I know it was probably what made it so much worse… I was too angry to think about consequences) something along the lines of maybe my friend was wrong but I didn’t care anymore, he came back and made me believe him and then left again less than a day later. He was the mistake and I deserved better than the way he treated me, and that he was incapable of loving anyone but himself. I also said that if he wanted to prove me wrong, and that he didn’t do anything on sat night to call me, and at least we could say goodbye over the phone, and not sms. He told me, and probably very fair enough, to stick my goodbye after accusing him of doing that, and don’t dare msg or call him again, that he wanted nothing to do with me. So there we have it… he came back, and I was so so happy.. and now this. I shouldn’t have let him back in, and I think I knew it all along. I did cool down that night, and thinking about it… he is SO against cheating that I know he wouldn’t have done it… and I felt horrible, so I tried to call once and sent a message saying I was wrong and sorry for accusing him when I know he wouldn’t. His reply back was scathing. I’m gutted. And full of regret. Even though I know this guy has jerked me around, is probably no good for me, and didn’t really show me he was willing to put the effort in, I still can’t help feeling like it’s all my fault all over again. I can’t stop hoping that my phone will ring and it’ll be him, though I doubt I’ll EVER hear from him again. I’ve gone into strict NC , both for me, and in the hope that perhaps that allows some thinking and cooling off. I just don’t know whether to completely give up on it, or whether given some time we both might cool down and be willing to talk about it. I just wish I could take back my hastiness with it all now. Sorry for the long, and probably very boring post.. I just needed to vent, and also to help stop myself from contacting him. Anyone out there with some advice/support on it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bella_xx Posted July 7, 2007 Author Share Posted July 7, 2007 Into day 3 of NC.. it's so hard starting this over. I'm beginning to wish he had never come back now (and furthermore, wish I hadn't LET him come back), because I'd be so much further along in moving on than I am now. I just can't believe how it's happened.. and I can't believe that despite everything, at the first sign of it being hard, he runs away again. It seems so hard to believe that he would totally cut me out of his life (especially after building up the courage to come back - I didn't think he would) after a fight like that. I keep hoping he'll cool down and think "oh no, I've made a mistake" but I doubt it. Will I hear from him again?! This is so hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bella_xx Posted July 7, 2007 Author Share Posted July 7, 2007 Anyone at all?? I'm struggling badly... does any one have opinions/advice/etc?! Link to post Share on other sites
uniqueone Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 Hi Bella...I'm in the same situation. Only I've been sending emails and need to stop. I don't think we did anything horribly wrong. Maybe little things were adding up that were never discussed which led to the blowup. I think that happened with mine. Maybe we thought we were happy because of the attention and the chemistry, but something really wasn't right. I'm just going by my situation....yours might have been different. But would you always wanted to have walked on eggshells in your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted July 8, 2007 Share Posted July 8, 2007 Any guy who tells his friend (girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, etc.) to f*ck off is a jerk. No excuses. Would you say that to him? Link to post Share on other sites
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