! Is this guy worth giving a chance to or is he hopeless?

[momadmac]

OK...I met my bf in June..the only night I every went to the shore to a bar.

His pick up line? "Hey, I will buy you a drink if you can figure out which one of my friends is gay?"...I honestly thought maybe he was:)

 

Anyway, nice guy...gave him my number but honestly never felt "sparks". But because he was the nice, football player, all american looking guy. we went out 10 times before we even kissed...it was a long time. I guess he started growing on me...always buying me nice things, taking me to nice places/dinners...he spoiled me. So I stuck with it.

 

First red flag I ignored? He loves Prince the artist...to the point where he listens to him every day, watches his movies all the time, and gets goose bumps reading about him! Yikes. but I kept saying...well, everyone has weird likes...but this one? made me think he could be gay, not to mention not ever kissing me.

 

Finally we did kiss and ended up becoming intimate. Things went well and we progressed. But then he started becoming very jealous, accusing me of doing things, or lying ...etc. He also always was receiving text messages on his work phone. When I would comment he would say work emails come over on it. I had suspicions. I guess I always did.

 

second red flag? Major drinker...always having "cocktails" daily. Sometimes to the point where he went to a zone....not a good place. But I kept staying thinking he is good to me, treats me well, and we started having really good sex. (Missed that for a long time.)

 

Third red flag? The jealousy...he would get so angry and create these crazy ideas that I was doing things or lying to him. I guess because he knew he was?

 

Then he started telling me things that were weird like ...he never liked to kiss past girlfriends before me, or that he has always cheated on every girlfriend in the past...but I would be different. He wanted me to be his future. He wanted me to go off the pill to have his baby. He knew all the right lines to say.

 

As my rollercoaster ride continued the holidays came...things were pretty good. Until last Friday. We spent 6 nights in a row together until last Weds...of which I know his accountability then. But last Thurs he had a " work dinner" called me @ 8pm after it was over. I asked if he had been drinking and he said no. I was very irritable that day and had started several complaining conversations with him that day about not giving me what I want( all the wrong things to do I guess) and went to bed not getting along. Friday went well...and he was coming over for dinner with me and my 3 daughters( I am divorced/ with an cheater ex husband). Supposed to come at 7, but comes at 7:30pm.

 

Dinner was good and we played games with the girls. He had 3 glasses of wine over that time span. After putting the girls to bed I realized he was drunk. OK....I am not stupid 3 drinks would not do that to him.....he had to be drinking before and he said he was late in a meeting. Right? I believe that. So he fell asleep and I decided to do investigative work.

 

...I went in his wallet and uncovered he lied about his thursdaynight dinner and was out drinking afterwards....this prompted me to go get his cell phone from his car and look at it. I knew something was up.

 

I find he is not talking to one girl....nope. Try 4 girls...trying to initiate conversations and you could tell the girls were all interested. He even was texting them on Thursday night after his dinner while he was talking to me.! One was the deal breaker though...he had obviously done something with her. Sex? Not sure...but definitely hooked up. So, I confronted him and of course he is sorry, won't leave, said it was a stupid mistake, had no idea why he did it? Wanted to make it work between us and said they all meant nothing.

 

Then, out of the blue, he tells me he was sexually abused for a long time as a child. Is that supposed to create what for me? All weekend I was in shock and truly was considering trying to work through it( although I know I never could). He then swears he will never talk to them again ( and I kind of sent them all texts from his phone too....letting them know what they are) So he was with me most of the weekeknd...me getting angry...him trying to take it. By Sunday night I still kept looking at his phone ( with him of course) and even though he was letting me, you could tell his was getting nervous and defensive.

 

I come to discover he had been texting them all weekend and trying to fix what I did. I uncovered one of them was an ex girlfriend too.

So sunday night he ended up telling me it was over because he did not need that. remorseful, huh? Love how he tries to turn it around on me!

 

We did not speak until Tuesday and I still thought...I do not want to walk away...only to find he still wants us to work out...but "let's take time off" and try restarting it in a little bit. That was it....I knew why. he wants to have fun with these girls, not argue or feel guilt with me , let me cool off and then take him back. Only to probably repeat the cycle over and over if I let him. Told him no and to leave me alone.

 

Of course, I needed more information though...so I contacted the ex girlfriend. We spoke on and off for 2 days...I think giving each other closure. Turns out he has always cheated on every girlfriend like this and is a compulsive liar who tries to control women. Everything is a control/manipulation game. What made me sick is anything I thought he said that was special he had said to her as well.

Now I know...there is no "chance for a relationship" ...I am not that stupid. But here are my questions.

 

1. He apparently did not kiss past girls ( the ex GF confirmed this...said he was selfish in bed) but was the opposite with me. Does that mean that he cared differently for me? I am trying to walk away from this thinking he cared more about me than playing a game.

 

2. Do you think his sexual abuse as a child has something to do with it?

 

3. Should I try to down the road be his friend to help him get therapy or should I just never speak to him again?

 

4. Is he gay or struggling with his sexuality and that is why he feels he needs to conquer as many women as possible? Remember he loves prince.

 

I know he thinks somehow I will give him a chance again. He said he could never "just be friends with me" and he wants us to work. I could never get past this, I have learned tooo much.

 

Any and all thoughts would be greatly appreciated!