Toaster Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Hello everyone. This is a really cool forum, so I wanted to get some advice. My girlfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me over a week ago. Here's some background: I'm 20 and she's 18. We go to 2 separate colleges, so I only see her about once a month. We never had a true argument, but there were some rough spots along the way. I really do love her and did imagine spending a longer time together than we did. Last weekend I come home, looking forward to spending time with her. I call her to ask her what's up, and she immediately apologizes for forgetting I'm back (weird). She's obviously upset with something (which I'd known about for a couple of days), but doesn't tell me what it is. The next morning, she sends me a text message saying "I'm tired of you". She calls later and says in a very mean, matter-of-fact way that she's bored and doesn't want me anymore. She comes over later to give back some stuff and is very unresponsive, switching from turning her back to me to laying in my lap and saying she's still madly in love with me. Eventually. she says she just doesn't want a relationship right now (???) and drives away. I haven't contacted her (save for a one sentence e-mail asking how she's doing) since. Any feedback on this is greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
shawn_68 Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Last weekend I come home, looking forward to spending time with her. I call her to ask her what's up, and she immediately apologizes for forgetting I'm back (weird). She's obviously upset with something (which I'd known about for a couple of days), but doesn't tell me what it is. Toaster, Who really knows what's going on with her, but it does sound like she has found another interest. The very best thing for you to do is leave it alone. Don't send her anymore texts, emails, or calls to see how she's doing. Just work on being happy in your life. Let her contact you when/if she is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 I'm not sure if she's found another, but at the same time I don't think she would leave unless she could get what she wants from someone else. I really think she's the one (she's simply amazing to be around) and I want her back so badly. Is there a chance she would reconsider? We've been through a lot together and it kills me to think that I've lost the love of my life forever. Link to post Share on other sites
shawn_68 Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Is there a chance she would reconsider? We've been through a lot together and it kills me to think that I've lost the love of my life forever. Earlier you said she was upset about something. Has she talked to you about this? Is there something that you should apologize for? I'm just asking. I don't know all the details. If you have nothing to apologize for just leave her alone. That's the best chance that you've got. Just be cool for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 I think it was a combination of the feeling that I'm retarding her social life by being with her as well as guilt knowing she was fed up and wanted out, but didn't want to say it. I asked her repeatedly about it, but she never gave a definitive answer. I am moving on in my life, creating new friendships and even had a few drinks with them (which i'd never done before). I just don't know what she's thinking: is she happy I'm gone or does she hurt just like I do? Link to post Share on other sites
JosiePosie Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hi Toaster; You are a young man with a whole lot more to experience. This is just the beginning. In terms of this young woman, she is young and most likely met someone else. And you know what? That's okay. I have been through everything in terms of relationships and speaking from experience. You do need to grieve for the relationship. And you will go through all the panicky, desperate feelings from time-to-time. Just ride it out and learn from it. DO NOT CONTACT HER. She may come back and drop a line to say hello. It will be her way of seeing if you are still into her, and once she knows that, she will disappear again. Don't fall for it. That's not love, that's ego. And who needs that? Most certainly not you. Keep up with activities in your life. Make new friends, go out, exercise...everything. I was once told that "success is the best revenge" and they are right. My best to you. Joanne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 IF she is with someone else, i can handle that. I have this feeling that she feels just as bad as I do, and I want to console her and make her happy, but then I remember the break up and I don't want to go near her. I think she called me today, but didn't leave a message. I want her back, but doesn't she have to make the first move? Link to post Share on other sites
JosiePosie Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Like I said, Do Not Contact Her. She will most likely call and hang up, all that fun stuff. I know you care for her, but you have to care for yourself first and foremost. Games like this can only do more harm than good. Remember, she broke up with you via text!! Be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 IF she is with someone else, i can handle that. I have this feeling that she feels just as bad as I do, and I want to console her and make her happy, but then I remember the break up and I don't want to go near her. Huh? You can handle her being with someone else, but you want her back? You want to console her even though she dumped you? NO CONTACT. Get on with your life. If she gets in touch with you "to say hi", ignore her calls and emails. She dumped you because she said she was BORED. If she gets unbored and contacts you, you're just being her back-up guy until she finds another one. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 This exact same thing happened to my 19 year old stepson and his 18 year old g/f. She just ended it for NO reason. I advised him to stop begging her to come back. He backed off and has gone on with his life. Girls that age are very flighty. I know I was. Nothing lasts at that age. You can't take it too personally. I know it's really hard not too though. Just don't contact her. If you do you'll have NO chance at all of getting back together. You'll only push her away further. In the meantime try to forget about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 I agree with the other posters who recommended that you go no contact. She sounds immature (even for a 18 years old), rude (not excuses for it at any age) and like she has no problem walking all over your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
ur mom Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 wow thats creepy dude were in the same boat, almost exactly. things r getting better for me but i still am not sure i will get the second chance. as for u do what these smart people r telling u. go n/c on ur part and if she calls be nonchalant, reserved and make sure u end the conversation. u shouldnt be a prick but for now forget about the second chance, move on as well as u can. whats the worst thing that is going to happen? u really do move on and realise she dosnt deserve a guy like u, then the real love of ur life shows up! damn, that sounds shi*y. well good luck bro, stay strong and sometimes gods greates gift is an unanswered prayer! think about whats best for u. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 Huh? You can handle her being with someone else, but you want her back? You want to console her even though she dumped you? NO CONTACT. Get on with your life. If she gets in touch with you "to say hi", ignore her calls and emails. She dumped you because she said she was BORED. If she gets unbored and contacts you, you're just being her back-up guy until she finds another one. Maybe I should be more clear. I want her back, but I'm not going to go to pieces if she ends up with another person. I feel like if it's meant to be it'll be, but if not, the world doesn't end. What hurt the most was the way she first let me know, telling me she was bored and tired of me so matter-of-factly over the phone, although her stance drastically changed when I saw her in person. I haven't contacted her and don't plan to. But I am curious. I do love her deeply, but she has to provide answer before I can go any farther with her, boyfriend or otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted November 11, 2006 Author Share Posted November 11, 2006 It's been 2 weeks of NC. She hasn't said anything and neither have I. What does this mean? I'm not waiting around for her, but if she never says anything, does that mean the year and a half we spent together meant absolutely nothing to her? Link to post Share on other sites
miss snoopy Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 It's been 2 weeks of NC. She hasn't said anything and neither have I. What does this mean? I'm not waiting around for her, but if she never says anything, does that mean the year and a half we spent together meant absolutely nothing to her? Course it meant something to her, but that doesn't stop her from not wanting it to continue. She sounds like she really wants to move on, so let her, and try and do the same. People break up all the time, even people who have had ridiculously expensive weddings, kids, huge mortgages i.e. loads at stake. If someone really wants out of a relationship for whatever reason, it's pointless trying to talk them into staying, just look at the high divorce rate worldwide. Just let it go, you're young and you must have happy, fond memories of this relationship - hold on to them, but try not to analyze things too much as you'll only end up with a headache. There aren't always clear-cut answers when it comes to matters of the heart. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't, no-one here knows for sure - I doubt if even she does! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted November 12, 2006 Author Share Posted November 12, 2006 Is it true that women leave a guy when they are sure of who they want next? I told her to "have a great life" with her next partner when she told me it was over. She said she didn't want to be with anybody, but I didn't believe that. She has a very attractive personality and the guys she hangs out with will flock to her. Everyday I battle with the thought "do I really want her back?". I now think of the good times we had together and don't feel immensely depressed or insanely jealous that someone else may have those times with her other than myself. I'll always love her, but by her leaving, she forced me to change who I am, and I'm not sure this new me wants to go back to her, should the opportunity present itself. Link to post Share on other sites
shawn_68 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Is it true that women leave a guy when they are sure of who they want next? Sometimes, but not always. Not ALL women leave a relationship just because something "better" comes along. Everyday I battle with the thought "do I really want her back?". I now think of the good times we had together and don't feel immensely depressed or insanely jealous that someone else may have those times with her other than myself. I'll always love her, but by her leaving, she forced me to change who I am, and I'm not sure this new me wants to go back to her, should the opportunity present itself. I think you're pretty mature about this given that it was just a couple weeks ago. Kudos. Don't even worry about whether or not you will take her back. The situation hasn't even come up. And it may never. But as long as you're asking yourself the question of "would I take her back?" you're delaying the process of moving on. Better to assume that she won't and get on with your life. Give her the gift of life without you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted November 12, 2006 Author Share Posted November 12, 2006 Thanks, I'd like to think I am pretty mature. Going to sites like this really have helped. Without them, I'm sure I would have called, telling her I'm miserable without her and such, pushing her farther away. I'm not so sure it's a gift, though. She told me she's felt this way for a while (didn't specify how long), and made it seem she was doing me a favor by telling me now, instead of keeping me in the dark for longer. That makes me believe that someone interests her enough to cut me loose to invest fully into that other person. You're right that I am not fully over her, but every day it gets easier to forget about her. I want that little light of hope to finally extinguish. The question that bothers me now is how could I let myself fall in love with someone who could treat me like that. I'm taking this as a learning experience, so I can not only treat the next woman better, but not lose myself in the process. Maybe I should send her a fruit basket or something for forcing me to be a better person Link to post Share on other sites
shawn_68 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 I'm taking this as a learning experience, so I can not only treat the next woman better, but not lose myself in the process. Maybe I should send her a fruit basket or something for forcing me to be a better person Great attitude. And only after 2 weeks. LS has been good to you. Link to post Share on other sites
neci Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 mispost sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted November 14, 2006 Author Share Posted November 14, 2006 I feel like crap. I know my ex has had a hard life, and that should have been a red flag to steer clear of her. But instead of getting over her, I realize that I like that she can come to me in times of stress. Why do I like problem girls? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 It's been 3 weeks of NC. I haven't contacted her and neither has she. I look at her myspace, and it isn't updated often, as well as her friends on it say that she's "not herself" and to be happy. I go through good days and bad, but I'm concentrating on making myself a better person (which I've wanted for some time, but lacked motivation). I wonder what is going through her head, though. Is she happy I've disappeared? Sad? Does she even know I exist anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Toaster Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 Here's an update. It's been almost a month and a half of NC, starting from the day she left. I've come a long way, and my entire outlook on women and realtionships have changed. I don't think about her as much, nor do I look at her myspace. She hasn't called or anything. I guess she's happier alone, good for her I guess. Only thing is how can someone who professed to love me as much as she did leave rather than try to work it out? Link to post Share on other sites
silentalways Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 geee i was not focussing on the question everyone else is. i was curious why she hopped on u and then left...did u have a shower that day? did u squeeze out a stinky? women don't like the fart thing like frat cats u know! lol Link to post Share on other sites
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