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I got a response. It’s her ex.

Your definition of chemistry doesn't seem to be inline with what most people consider chemistry to be. Most people consider chemistry to be physical interaction and the desire to become intimate with one another. In which there was little of from what you described. What you described is what many people would consider friendship. A lot of people are going to bed with each other by the third date. Not just doing a little hand holding.

Sex requires that they both want each other in a sexual way, which they do, and the blocking and unblocking is led by their emotions. You seem to know quite a bit about their interaction, so it sounds like she's shared a lot. If she isn't complaining about him and is having sex with him, they probably really like each other. How old are they?

Maybe she didn’t see it the same way, but to me the chemistry was there. Conversation flowed effortlessly and we made each other smile and laugh the whole time. Our second date lasted for over 8 hours. I don’t know why she wouldn’t think there was chemistry, but oh well. What the hell do you mean I’m probably not ready for it yet?

The kiss thing. You wanted a kiss but also wanted to be respectful. IMO you could have been assertive but not overbearing by asking for the kiss. Overbearing would have been planting a kiss on someone out of the blue without them expecting it. Assertive is saying that you have a preference for a particular movie or restaurant for the date. Overbearing is not hearing the other person out about why they don't want to see that movie or eat in that restaurant.

Not in the slightest. It's OK to be direct. Direct even blunt is not mean. It's simply forthright which some people can't handle. That is not your problem. You are allowed to stick up for yourself in your own life.

You should told her you knew she was lying about it. Who cares what she says in response? You know she's full of crap, and so does she. She can sit with the knowledge that you know she is being dishonest. In any case, you have to decide what you want here. Are you hoping to find more evidence of where she's been when she says she is out? Are you planning to talk to her now about your concerns for the state of your marriage? Regardless of where she disappears to, she is neglecting her responsibilities to your marriage and her motherhood.

4 hours is not insurmountable. The time apart also has a definitive end: your graduation. I made a bi-costal (NY & CA) relationship work before cells phones & internet. We had daily snail mail paper letters & 1 phone call for 1 hour at 11 pm on Wednesday nights when the rates were cheaper. It ended for reasons having nothing to do with the distance. Unlike me, you have all sorts of technology: cell phones, video chat etc. In theory there should be little to worry about because this isn't so much long distance as inconvenient. You are projecting your fears &

That's on you then for choosing to go on dates with someone you have to be around regularly when you probably aren't ready for that yet. How she acted was completely normal in situations where there isn't much chemistry.

Do you think I was too mean? My intention was to be direct with her.

No, I never confronted her about this. I’ve confronted her before and somehow it always ends up being my fault or I’m over reacting or something like that

Thank you for the kind words. You’ve been very understanding this whole thread and I appreciate it. Can you elaborate on what you mean by being “assertive without overbearing,” maybe through examples?

You are right to cut ties outside of work but mature enough to recognize that you do need to be professional at work. It will be awkward at first but since she can't even bother to answer you, you know she's an avoidant person so as long as you don't start something there should be no drama at work. Sorry it didn't work out. It's good that you were respectful but going forward toward your next relationship understand that you can be assertive without being overbearing. Good luck.

And did you tell her this?

In this case, because you are letting him. Stop communicating with him. You already know he doesn't see a future with you so it is senseless to be on stand-by in case he gets bored or wants attention.

Whether she's having sex with others is almost a side point. Fact is, she's not present in your marriage & she's lying about it.

Yes. And usually if I was being slow faded like this I would drop them no question because I never have to see them again anyway. NOT when I have to encounter them regularly.

Learn to take queue's of when people are interested or not interested. All you are doing by not figuring things out for yourselves is making an already awkward situation even more uncomfortable. Have you ever dated anyone before?

AND if it turns out that she actually was playing stupid games with me the whole time and me being straight with her turned her off… screw her? Why would I want to be in a relationship with someone immature like that?

She doesn’t owe me anything, never what I implied. I also tried making moves on her a few times but she didn’t reciprocate. After the second date, she texted me and said that she likes to take things slow (in retrospect, huge red flag). Going on 2 dates without even letting me escalate? From what I can tell, she was leading me on from the beginning and I was right to get answers rather than just leaving things in limbo and having us working together extremely awkward. I said I’m okay to be friends. I’ve spoken to multiple people including female friends, you are the ONLY one w

But why? Why are people never excited about me. I feel like moving countries as noone wants me here

You what had three dates with the girl? Never had sex and from what you described in your posts here it seems the most you two did was hold hands (doesn't even seem like you two even kissed). And here you are demanding answers like she somehow owes you something. So you definitely don't need to be getting into any more workplace romances if you get worked up over so little.

Yes, for sure. We are very open with each other and we talked about our pasts. We both understand each other and don't bring them up and if something is truly bothering one of us, we talk about it. I've been with her for 7 months now and she's wonderful. Not sure how I lucked into her to be honest.

Explain in what way I didn’t handle this well?

I texted her at 0530 asking if she was ok and didn’t get a response, so I went back upstairs to our bedroom. I thought I heard her vehicle at 0545 ,so I waited like 15 minutes and then called. She answered on 2nd ring saying she was sleeping on couch and had gotten home awhile ago. She said she came upstairs and seen me asleep and went back stairs to couch because she didn’t want to wake me up. Which I know was a lie because I was awake and she never came upstairs. Her vehicle was also not in driveway when I texted at 0530 asking if she was ok