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I feel like a forgotten housewife
ExpatInItaly replied to jerrygordon3's topic in Marriage and Life Partnerships
So, if you won't divorce and you're convinced things won't get better between you and your wife, well, you'll just have to deal with the lot you have chosen. There isn't much advice any of us could give you at that point. -
The kindness of friends VS money
Els replied to bravojohn's topic in Business and Professional Relationships
I'd definitely carry on with the interview process. If you get the other offer (in writing, finalized), you should just take it. I'm sure you're aware that it's completely normal for people to apply for multiple roles at the same time, so it wouldn't be unprofessional of you to do so. As for your friends, if they are truly your friends they'll want what's best for you and they'll understand once you talk to them about it. You could sweeten things a bit by buying everyone dinner or a round of drinks as thanks for the effort they've put in. If they don't understand, then they're not really friends, they're business acquaintances (in which case the former statement applies). -
This isn't actually an invitation, it's a way of letting you know he's told his parents about you. That's a very positive sign, but don't jump the gun and invite yourself because it might come across as pushy or demanding. If he rings you every night that's also a positive sign, but it can also be a early sign that someone is very controlling when they need to touch base every day so early in the relationship, so maybe try not to let your imagination run away with you and start picking your names for your children just yet. I'm guessing you'll meet his parents pretty soon, but leave the inviting up to him. As far as him and his sleep routine goes, let him worry about that, if he wants to spend more time with you I'm sure he'll find a way of doing that without disrupting his life too much.
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Honestly (and please know that I say this with kindness), this sounds like generalized anxiety disorder. It's a very common mental health issue and many people suffer from it. But it can lead to overthinking and self-sabotaging, which results in the exact opposite of what you're hoping for. Of course, I'm only a stranger on the internet. It would be better for you to talk to a therapist about this, as they are equipped to diagnose these problems and to treat for them. Do you have access to therapists where you live?
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Just don't worry about it yet. It's way too early, it's your first serious relationship (if I remember correctly?), and you've only been together for a couple of months. MAYBE once you hit 6 months or more together and you feel like you want to, you can discuss moving in together after your leases expire.
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Yes, you are. He is a big boy and he should know himself when and how much he wants to sleep. If he wants to spend more time with you on weekends, and you want that too, then just do it. At any rate, it’s a more sensible idea at this point than moving together.
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With due respect, you need to get over yourself. He's not a kid who doesn't know how to take care of his needs. Have a little more respecct for that. He is a grown man. He is perfectly capable of knowing how much sleep he needs and when he should call it a night. If you can't let go of your hang-up about this, and refuse to see him on weekday night as a result, you will do more harm than good to this relationship. Is there some reason you think you know better than he does when he needs to go to sleep? You're bordering on infantilizing him. If you can't knock that off, you're not actually ready for an adult relationship. Or are you just reaching for a justification to suggest moving in together?
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I would definitely blame myself if something happened to him because he didn't get enough sleep the night he went to bed late as a result of us going on a date on a weekday.
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He is an adult and can surely take care of his own sleepiness. I am quite certain he knows when it's time for him to go to bed. Don't try to mother him.
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He has proposed we could go out during weekdays, I didn't agree to something that would mean he doesn't get enough sleep. Am I making a big deal about him needing to sleep so he doesn't have an accident?
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Okay, so what are his ideas to remedy this? Because you're both right to be concerned if your lifestyles and schedules don't line up. That can indeed lead to the end of a relationship.
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You've been with this guy a bit over a month and you're thinking about moving in together. You hardly know a person after that short amount of time, there is no good reason to even consider such a thing.
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Of course he does, he even tries to spend more time than he should on the phone with me every night. He mentioned that he is concerned I'm gonna get bored of this relationship if he can't find more time to be with me.
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It's okay to try to think of ways to have more time together. Moving in is not a good way at this point, for reasons already outlined in this thread. Let me ask you this: does he want to spend more time together too? Does he share your concerns that you don't see each other enough? Or does he seem fine with the way things are?
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That's one of my many flaws, always thinking ahead, when I was competing in sports at highschool I could barely sleep the night before an event, I was just thinking about the race, or the hurdles, or what to do to avoid falling while running or jumping, and what to do if I fell, and..... We don't see each other that much, and we are not going to have more free time to be with each other, not until I finish college (or quit work which of course I don't plan to do), and that's a few years from now. I'm thinking (way ahead I know), on ways of having more time to be together until then.
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I thnk you need to slow down in general, OP. You're getting way too caught up in ideas of meeting the parents and moving in and things that may or may not happen in the future. You two have just barely started dating and up until recently, it wasn't even clear if he liked you as more than a friend. Let things unfold more natrually here. See if you are still dating 6 months from now. Then see how things go and if you make it to one year. You aren't even sure yet if your lifestyles are compatible. There is no need to be racing ahead in your mind with all these future hypotheticals. Are you looking for some way to reassure yourself that this relationship is going to work? Reading between the lines, I see a young woman looking for some reassurance that her boyfriend is as committed as she is, especially since you feel you don't see him that much.
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I'm sorry but I don't see how I have changed the story: He mentioned that her mother asked him when were they going to meet me, I thought it was too soon and came here to ask how long we should be together before meeting his parents, he didn't tell me something like "my mother's wants to meet you" or, "I want you meet my parents", that would be a different story, but again, her mother asked him when, he told me what her mother had said, and I didn't took that as an invitation to meet them, I took it as if it was his choice on when he was going to ask me to meet his parents. I recognize I could or should have took that as a invitation, I didn't, now I'm wondering how to bring that topic back.
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Absolutely. In anycase you two definitely aren't serious enough at this point in time to even bring up the idea of living together. Wait six months to a year and if you two still feel the same way you do now then consider it.
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I'm not mad. It's just frustrating taking time to give advice to someone who keeps changing the story. Meet them when you are ready. But it would be extraordinarily foolish to move in with him if you're not ready to meet his parents
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Should I wait for them to invite me again or should I invite myself? I'm willing to do what would make me look as person that knows what's she is doing in a relationship with an older guy.
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Don't be mad at me, when he mentioned what her mother told him my mind started racing. I didn't feel like I was ready and tried to find some advice. I'll probably be ready sooner than I expect.
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In your post about this, you said they have suggested it to him....and he's told you they'd like to meet you. Unless he said that it's too early, then this is an invitation to meet them
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The kindness of friends VS money
Sanch62 replied to bravojohn's topic in Business and Professional Relationships
I'd continue the interviews while considering the low paying position to be a temp job. They've pretty much let you off the hook by creating it that way. Everyone's entitled to a probationary period where the company is not just evaluating you for the fit, but you're also evaluating them, their culture, their expectations, their overall fit with your career goals. I'd consider it to be reasonable at any time during the first 3 months to accept a better fit elsewhere. That's just business. If friend would hold that against you, she might be friendly but too self-interested to be a real friend. -
Because it is a possibility, as I have said, that's how my mind operates, always trying to prepare for the future and imagining scenarios that I may or may not happen. It's not as fun as it sounds, sometimes it just keeps me up at night.
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If he didn't ask you to meet them, why were you posting about not being ready?