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How to eliminate the want for a partner?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 19th December 2017, 6:43 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
I can understand wanting to be single if you don't have the desire to have a partner. But why do you want to be single when your mind and body wants a partner?
I don’t want to be single. I already am single (and hate it) I want to get rid of the desire for a partner. TLDR I want to change my mind and body
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Old 19th December 2017, 6:46 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Of course not. The desire for companionship is totally normal and a part of the human existence.
Well that’s depressing. So the only solution is to end my existence, isn't that right? Considering how many people liked this reply, this seems to be the best solution then.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 19th December 2017 at 6:49 PM..
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Old 19th December 2017, 7:33 PM   #18
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Maybe try meds. Some may numb you to love but numb you to everything else.

Be careful bc some meds can make you very horny.
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Old 19th December 2017, 9:26 PM   #19
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Well that’s depressing. So the only solution is to end my existence, isn't that right? Considering how many people liked this reply, this seems to be the best solution then.
We have had this discussion before... I thought we agreed that suicide is not the answer.

I understand the loneliness that is felt when you are single and you want a boyfriend - more than you know. I understand how it feels to be depressed and feel like things will never improve. But, suicide is not the answer.

Call a suicide hotline if you need help and talk to your doctor/find a counsellor to get help for your depression. Tomorrow.

Last edited by BaileyB; 19th December 2017 at 9:33 PM..
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Old 19th December 2017, 10:05 PM   #20
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Relationships do not make unhappy people happy. They just end up unhappy people in relationships.

Happy people do not become unhappy by being single, they end up happy single people.

As for needs. Humans are by and large social creatures. Historically we lived in tight knit social groups. The ones that procreated were the ones adapted to that sort of life style.

So here we are - as humans. Sure there are lone wolves who prefer to go it alone, but by and large, humans thrive on human interaction.

That doesn't mean that the interaction has to be in the form of a romantic, sexual relationship. There are many other ways humans can fulfill their social needs.

You can't turn off the desire for social interaction, but you can satisfy it in ways beyond "having a boyfriend".
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Old 19th December 2017, 10:30 PM   #21
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Relationships do not make unhappy people happy. They just end up unhappy people in relationships.
This is the absolute truth!

Sure, the initial stages of a new relationship will produce a hormonal high that may provide a temporary distraction from your depression, in much the same way that a band-aide protects an injury.

However, as time passes and the relationship progresses, those same feelings of sadness and depression will return. Except now, you will have to deal with the depression while trying to manage the stress of a relationship.

Symptoms of depression include feelings of worthlessness and helplessness, loss of interest in things that have previously brought pleasure, pessimism and hopelessness, a negative view of the future, suicidal thoughts...

I know, it's hard to believe right now but you are so young - you have absolutely no idea what life will bring for you. You never know when your life will change, because it can change... for the better or for the worse, in little more than a moment.

One of my favorite quotes is from the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. The quote is: "Everyhing will be alright in the end, and if it is not alright, then it is not the end." Have faith.
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Old 19th December 2017, 10:39 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
Relationships do not make unhappy people happy. They just end up unhappy people in relationships.

Happy people do not become unhappy by being single, they end up happy single people.

As for needs. Humans are by and large social creatures. Historically we lived in tight knit social groups. The ones that procreated were the ones adapted to that sort of life style.

So here we are - as humans. Sure there are lone wolves who prefer to go it alone, but by and large, humans thrive on human interaction.

That doesn't mean that the interaction has to be in the form of a romantic, sexual relationship. There are many other ways humans can fulfill their social needs.

You can't turn off the desire for social interaction, but you can satisfy it in ways beyond "having a boyfriend".
Lots of truth and wisdom here!
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Old 19th December 2017, 10:40 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
Well that’s depressing. So the only solution is to end my existence, isn't that right? Considering how many people liked this reply, this seems to be the best solution then.
Wrong.

What is your life like, Crunchy? Can you describe it to us? Your job, your living situation, extended family, pets, how you spend your time, a typical day for you?
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Old 19th December 2017, 10:59 PM   #24
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When you are between SOs the key is keeping yourself busy & getting your tactile needs met through friends & family. Every body needs a hug once in a while.
^^ this is very good advice OP. The key to it is to find stuff to do and keep yourself busy. I am a big believer in vibes between human beings. People feed off vibes. If you give out negative vibes -- people will pick up on it and it will be harder to find someone to be a partner for you. It's unfortunately a downward spiral or a catch 22. But if you can find stuff that will keep you busy and make it a priority -- you will be happier inside and that will make its way to the outside and people will pick up on it and it will enable you to find a partner.


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I don’t want to be single. I already am single (and hate it) I want to get rid of the desire for a partner. TLDR I want to change my mind and body
There is not such thing I am aware of. There are people that chose to devote themselves to the church and become priests. Not sure its for everyone though.

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Originally Posted by RecentChange View Post
Relationships do not make unhappy people happy. They just end up unhappy people in relationships.
Relationships also make people a lot unhappier than they ever thought they could be. Trust me, a worse thing that having no partner is getting into a relationship with a bad incompatible partner. Things could always be a lot worse.


OP. It sounds like you are very depressed because you dont have a partner. Maybe try meditation. Maybe try to devote time to better understanding yourself and less on trying to understand others. Meditation and Zen is not for everyone but you will never know if its for you unless you give it a shot.

The below book is a very short and easy to understand book. Its a very short read. You dont even have to buy it. most libraries have a copy in one form or another. Its readable in a day or two.

https://www.amazon.ca/Zen-Mind-Begin...s=zen+beginner

Last edited by jjgitties; 19th December 2017 at 11:01 PM..
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Old 19th December 2017, 11:05 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by jjgitties View Post
Relationships also make people a lot unhappier than they ever thought they could be. Trust me, a worse thing that having no partner is getting into a relationship with a bad incompatible partner. Things could always be a lot worse.


So true!!!
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Old 20th December 2017, 1:16 AM   #26
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I think the ultimate solution to this is not being to not want something but to look at life overall rather than one aspect of it.


We all feel lonely at times, we all go through struggles but the key is to remember that life itself is more than that.
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Old 20th December 2017, 9:37 AM   #27
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That need will never go away fully. After a breakup I often focused on work or working out, channeling my energy towards something new or different, a form of sublimation if you will, but it was always something temporary.

Overall I do better when I'm with friends or loved ones. Just being with friends goes a long way for me, but I know that I will always want somebody special.
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Old 20th December 2017, 12:20 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
I was wondering if there is a way to eliminate the want to have a partner completely and physical touch.
I know there are medications that lower the libido but there isn't really anything that removes that emotional need for intimacy that I know of. Is there a way to do this or at least cope with it?

Maybe people who don't like having a partner or encounters could share.
I am wondering if it is possible.
Want to have a partner can be easily eliminated if you're happy within your own company. I'm not saying to turn into a hermit, not at all. Have your social life but enjoy e.g. Friday night having a date night with yourself. It is wonderful - you can do exactly what you want, exactly when you want. I honestly enjoy my self-dates more than 99% of my partnered dates.

Physical touch desire can be suppressed as well. Get your non-romantic touch - hugs etc, from friends, and get the "romantic" from self-love. It is also wonderful, much better than most lovers... I get occasional blip in which I want partnered stuff - make a FWB pair with someone, exes are usually the easiest plus if you already resent them enough heretic thoughts of relationshipy stuff with them won't cross your mind
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Old 20th December 2017, 2:48 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
We have had this discussion before... I thought we agreed that suicide is not the answer.

I understand the loneliness that is felt when you are single and you want a boyfriend - more than you know. I understand how it feels to be depressed and feel like things will never improve. But, suicide is not the answer.

Call a suicide hotline if you need help and talk to your doctor/find a counselor to get help for your depression. Tomorrow.
I never agreed that it wasn't the answer. No one answered my question on the thread because everyone just dismissed my point of view and just told me "you have depression, so your thinking is invalid". Everyone says its not the answer, but the more I think about it, it seems like a better solution everyday.

I don't have doctor. And even if I did, I don't want to talk to a hotline or counselor, these things just do not work.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 20th December 2017 at 2:51 PM..
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Old 20th December 2017, 2:59 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Wrong.

What is your life like, Crunchy? Can you describe it to us? Your job, your living situation, extended family, pets, how you spend your time, a typical day for you?
Its fine I suppose. I stared a new job 4 months ago after finishing undergrad, it has good benefits and co workers are awesome.
I live at home. Love my family but they can drive me crazy sometimes. Kinda want my own place. They mostly mean well I suppose. The cost of living is expensive so I have to live with them. I have reconnected with friends from college and hs that have been away by calling and things. I have disconnected from fb and only go on 10 mins a week. No extended family or pets. I take classes so I can go to grad school. I volunteer at the hospital. I exercise, give life advice to friends and go to social gathers when needed.
I go on these forums, yt and journal most of the time.

That's a typical day for me.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ZA Dater View Post
I think the ultimate solution to this is not being to not want something but to look at life overall rather than one aspect of it.


We all feel lonely at times, we all go through struggles but the key is to remember that life itself is more than that.
Thats the thing. I am not sure I believe that. Life is suffering.
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